Oliver

2012-02-16T20:28:00.004+11:00

It’s so weird, I feel like I’m sleepy, but I can’t really tell if I am, or if I am just by habit. In maths, I thought I was sleepy, but I actually wasn’t at all, and I was just bored out of my mind, because I don’t understand log at all, and then when I went to economics, I did EVERY SINGLE THING, and read all this stuff instead of being mope-y sleepy.

And I think. I’m never really sleepy at school, I just tell myself I am, so my boredom seems justified.
When I think about it, I get on average 9-10 hours sleep every twenty four hour cycle, how could I be sleepy, I think I’m just very, very bored.

Anyway, I’ve been told quite a few times, that maybe I should stop napping, but at this point, I don’t really see it as a viable option, because it’s kind of cathartic, and even my parents have just accepted it, and whenever I get antsy, or have nothing to do, they’ll just tell me to go to sleep. And I think if I didn’t nap enough, I’d become that crazy person that kills someone or instigates a secondary school massacre, where when asked, everyone is like “oh, but they were so normal”.

Oh gosh, and just when I was going down for my sleep… I heard my neighbor, the little one, and I swear she screamed for at least five minutes. I’m scared for next week. But I don’t really care too much anymore. When people ask me how it is, I now tell them that it’s mentally taxing. Because it is. They play mind games. They aren’t that smart and don’t rationalize well, but unfortunately, they know exactly what they want, which makes everything more frustrating. And I just end up thinking about it a lot throughout the week.

My cup of caring for everyone else at the moment is so little, I suspect it may be empty.
And I feel kind of bad, but then again I really don't care anymore. Not sure why I ever thought I could be a primary school teacher lol.

Everyone’s going crazy at my house at the moment.

Problems occur when everyone thinks they have problems. People create their own problems, and think theirs are more important than other people's. I'm sure it's just the human condition. I'd quote the appropiate typeracer quote, but I'm not good at remembering them.

Anyway, here's a song that really, really good at noise neutralising (okay, atm, mainly television for me, the television epidemic at my house has started up again).

On a lighter note, Thuvarahan's comment, about "you can't buy perfect jewelry for a woman", I concur. I think it's hard. And it's a waste of effort, unless you're planning to get engaged (because, you can't not-like a piece of jewelry that's getting you married). But that's just me.

And whilst people are at presentation night, I think I'll try and do maths homework once again. Fun fun fun.

2012-02-15T15:40:00.003+11:00

I think I have no choice but to do work (or bum out time on the internet) on wednesdays, because I seriously am just home alone for a whole afternoon. (I don't like to sleep whilst home alone, because I'm scared someone will pop around unannounced, and I'll be in my pajamas.)

Wednesday is this weird day, where no one's at home at the same time until like nine, and then I just think "oh my gosh, I love my family so much" over and over again, even if they're just doing normal mediocre things.

Anyway, I was looking at quotes for my pip -whinge-, and here are a few interesting ones, from a psychiatrist man, Karl Augustus Menninger.

"Fears are educatd into us, and can, if we wish, be educated out."

"One does not fall in love; one grows into love, and love grows in him."

"Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand."

"Hope is a necessity for normal life and the major weapon against the suicide impulse."

"Love cures people - both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it."

Nothing you didn't know already, but I just thought he said it nicely.

I'M SLEEPY, NIGHT.
http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif
oh also, I read this today.

2012-02-14T21:46:00.002+11:00

Today was the nicest valentine's day I've ever had, even if I do feel like ruining my sister's life at the moment.

ANNOYED AND GRUMPY because maths is hard and I feel like peeling my face off :(

I was told about. Someone's daughter. Who didn't finish year twelve, and just went off to America to go to college. And for a moment. I seriously considered if my parents would let me do that.

I'm dreading hsc a little, and begrudgingly doing maths homework a lot more often than I ever have. Whilst listening to pensive music. It's weird. One day, I'm making a list of pensive music.

Here's Allison Weiss singing Umbrella, and here's her singing hit me baby one more time lol. She's crazy. She reminds me of someone, but I can't work out who. Maybe she just reminds me of herself.

I CAN'T DO LOG :(

2012-02-13T14:35:00.003+11:00

I noticed that there was somewhat of a theme in the presents my dad gets my mom. (Okay, my dad never specifically gets presents on days, so I've associated these items to the closest event, which actually turned out quite well, they all correlate!)

This year for valentines day - a set of ceramic knives
Last year Christmas - Silicon brushes in these weird colors
Last year my mom's birthday - A set of vegetable peelers (this was after my Aunt accidentally chucked some out, lol)
Last-last year's valentines day (this one was legit for valentine's day) - A set of cutting boards/chopping boards? I can only think of what they're called in cantonese atm.

Is this subtle mind manipulation or something?
Probably not, all the things my dad have bought for himself, include, lawn mowers, lawn mowers, lawn mowers, lawn mowers, shovels, shovels, shovels, insecticide, and well. I don't think they mean to perpetuate stereotypes or anything.

Also, I never realized how awful home made oreo milk shakes look. It looks like something those chinese herbalists would make because it would fix hayfever or something.

I made my sister a valentine, because I've been feeling... inexplicably fond of her as of late lol. I feel the urge to be one of those people who make all the single ladies valentines, nooooo. (Must resist, must resist.)

Songs for Valentine's Day. (i.e. Tuesday)

2012-02-13T00:03:00.002+11:00

I realize no one cares when music is posted (because I don't care almost at all when I see music posted on other blogs), so I associated memories and whatever so this isn't a cheat/dud post.

Click five - "Good Day"
The nostalgia (or reminiscent qualities) of this song are. I would say immense, but you know, that would've been year ten, it's waned, it's just a little reminder of year eight, I think of when we had that english period with Rutherford in Ribbans' maths room. Time Machine is another one I listened to a lot in year eight. Lol. Anything you listened to below the age of like. Fifteen is just embarassing, and just nostalgic. Another song like this is move along! I don't like music like this anymore, so when I watch that music video, I just stare at his cheekbones.

Alexander Rybak - "Oah"
I actually have no memories associated with this :( But you know what, I'm going to actually have the video here, just because it's so. I think if you're a girl you'll almost definitely enjoy it, even for it's quasi-period/vintage-ness. If you're a guy. I don't know. Lol.

Simon and Garfunkel - "Bookends"
This is so short! Idk if I can finish my little blurb in the time of the song!
Unforunately, this doesn't bring back a memory for me either, it automatically harks to 500 days of summer, that scene, where all the sad summer moments are played, and then the movie part, I think. Oh hey, I finished with ten seconds to spare.

Mikaela David - "I'm just tryin' to be your friend"
I thought it applied to Valentine's day.
But. Lol. Most obnoxious song and instrument placement and whatever ever. Yet still somewhat enjoyable, but I think that's just what harps do.

The Beatles - "Obladi Oblada"
Haven't you ever wondered? What does Desmond look like? What type of band was Molly in?
What kind of pick up line is "girl I like your face"? Am I the only one, where every now in this song, I think of lingerie? AND THE LAST NAME IS JONES. Unlike with Dorian Gray and the Great Gatsby, I have no images in my head for Desmond or Molly, I just think it's nice to suppose. I guess I'm not obligated to post my favorite Beatle's song.

The Beatles - "All my loving"
Whenever anyone says "close your eyes", I just hear this song ringing out in my head.
I also sung this song before the passing of 2011-2012, and my sister didn't even tell me to stop, maybe it's the song of 2012.

Diana Krall - "Fly me to the moon"
Actually you know what, ignore that, I LOVE BEING HERE WITH YOU - it's the first song in Diana Krall's Live in Paris, and whenever my dad plays Diana Krall, it's ALWAYS this one that comes on first, and it's just. It makes me think of when I still went to my old church, and still lived in my old house, and how after church, I'd come home and lie on the carpet with my dad. And then we got rid of the carpet lol.

Ugh, I didn't want this all to be love-y songs, but I can't help myself, one leads to another. This one isn't. Kind of. Probably still is.

Harrison Hudson - "Every Girl"
This just reminds me, of the night I was hot glueing all this stuff. That's all.
Oh, and Harrison is my cousin's name. I HAVE ANOTHER THEORY which I'm supressing the ardent desire to share.

Radical House - "All is well (Goodbye, goodbye)"
It's so like that other Radical House song that everyone should recognize (Radical Face?), yet not. A bit sad. It reminds me of something, btu I don't know what. Isn't that sad?

Jesse Woods - "Hounds of Heaven"
I love this song! Good on it for getting 10k views! It's just. Reminiscent of kyck 2011, Ophelia, listening to this makes me want to go this year more! His other song, that was apparently on Skinned/Skins/Skinny (IDK, the one with the british kids smoking a lot), Sparks is really nice as well, but I think it got taken down.

Joe Strummer & The Mescaleros - "Mondo Bongo"
Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
Which I am tentatively naming my favorite movie.
Which, well, it probably isn't. But. I don't know. The other ones in contest seem even more embarassing.

Comptine d'un autre ete on harp
I swear, she's the only one who plays it fast enough on harp, not that I blame any of the other people, it doesn't look easy. It's from Amelie, but I've completely disassociated this particular song from Amelie in my brain now, just because I haven't seen it in so long, I found it. Extremely peculiar when I watched it, I think because it was in french, and I was just so confused, and it was just bizarre.

The Easybeats - "Friday on my mind"
I think I should just listen to this every Monday morning.
Despite how much I like this song, when someone says Friday, I STILL think of the Rebecca Black song. Old habits die hard.

Jens Lekman - "Your Arms Around Me"
One of the only songs in my pre-semi-formal list of songs I ended up listening to, with Beatrice, I think! The harp part just makes me happy, every time. I think this was in that Ellen Page movie, but I'm not sure. I had another really good song, but I just forgot it :( :( :( Okay, I just remembered.

Allison Weiss - "I was an Island"
I would put every single Allison Weiss song here.
I've given up on not making all the songs love related. All the songs I have archived in my head are love related or just don't make sense at all at the moment.

Suprise song
Obviously, I have no idea if this is about love or not.
Just lol. Everything about this. Lol. Fond memories. And this, and this, while we're at it, why not.

Shiny Toy Guns - "Season of Love"
No comment. Nothing associated with this song.
It just felt necessary.

The Antlers - "Epilogue"
THE SADDEST SONG THAT EVER EXISTED for now until I hear one sadder.
It still belongs in this list.

And accoustic version of Tunng's "Hustle"
It's quite lovely. I've given up annotating now too. It's like. 1am.

Danny Elfman - "Ice Dance"
I'm pretty tired. Go listen and make your own magic.

The Shings - "New Slang"
I think this songs just been done and done, put up everywhere, and everyone knows it, but it's alright. It's still nice. I have no idea what it's about. I just like it.

Cosmos Jarvis - "She's got you"
It is totally fitting for Valentine's day :)
Extra points for the windows slideshow that accompanies this video lol.

The Twang - "Barney Rubble"
I first listened to these songs so long ago,k i don't even know :(

Iron and Wine - "Flightless bird, american mouth"
Yes, it was from twilight. But I haven't seen twilight. And come on, who didn't know who Iron and Wine, (well, Samuel Beam) was before twilight, twilight didn't ruin anything, I looked up the scene just to check out how they used it, and I thought it was very nice. Even if Bella does some weird toe stepping thing, and it's kind of detracted from when she talks. And everyone automatically leaves lol. I just watched a featurette about the twilight wedding. Bella looks freaking petrified, and Edward's smiling in a kind of "mm, delicious way" (no, I'm kidding, thought it could be interpreted that way, I think it was a good smile, reflective of how he's happy, but he can't be that happy because Bella looks like she's still thinking it out or something.)

Girls - "True love will find you in the end"
I just thought this would be nice to have near the end. This is a cover of the Daniel Johnston song. I don't know who. I abstained from posting how can I say I love you.

Trevor Hodge - "No other name"
I wanted to put Desert Song. But then I realized it had weird implications.

I'M SUPER SLEEPY.
NIGHT.

2012-02-12T17:12:00.003+11:00

I had stuff I wanted to tell/write/say about my mom’s bff, and her son, but I was really tired last night and didn’t blog or write in my dairy or write in my once every day diary about it. Memories lost like tears in the rain. Once I can remember the C-beam, orion bit, this will become my favorite movie quote.

I realized, so many of these things I’ve considered a little weird (well, just things I’ve realized about my mom, I guess) are things that her best friend does SO MUCH MORE THAN HER. I thought MY MOM was over-anthropomorphic and kept instilling feelings in objects, but her best friend does it so, so much more. Same with the weird camera posing they both do, and they both have similar gestures, it’s creepy. Yet in many ways, they don’t seem to be like each other at all, and the only thing I could think at the end was. “How on earth did my mom get to have a best friend like that” and “I’m never going to have a best friend”. The other thing I realized was. To have a best friend, you have to be best friend material, which idk, I don't think I really am.

And people actually think that kangaroos just hop around in Australia! Which is nice, but I think the only kangaroo I’ve ever seen not in captivity was um, road kill. And then I got asked “what do you think of canada”, and I realized. Lol, we don’t think about Canada! Do other people go around thinking about Australia?

And his uncle, my mom’s bff’s brother, said to me yesterday. “Looks are only thirty percent, the other seventy percent of presentation are in your gestures.” And I was like “okay” and probably subconciously sat straighter, and then he said (I’m not sure if this was to my sister or just in general), “oh, lots of people are really not-pretty when they’re little, and then grow up to be beautiful” and then he turned back to me, and told me off, pretty much chastised me whilst smiling, for not talking enough.

It was very bizarre. And I just kept nodding and smiling, because it was noisy and I couldn’t hear what he was saying. Which probably reinforced his statement lol.

Also, Whitney Houston! I didn’t even know if I should believe or not, because you know how people on twitter are, I swear Justin Bieber’s been R.I.P.-d at least five times over. Well, Whitney Houston, I knew absolutely nothing about you, I thought you were sixty, and then it turned out you weren’t but thanks for song loving me all those times.

Also, did they just forget about pottermore? Quietly told all the people that had worked on it to go get another job? What happened to it? It’s still in beta, what?

I keep thinking I should be writing something for valentines day, but I don’t even know what and I finally thought of something. Tomorrow. Valentine’s day playlist. Well, just a list of songs I think would be nice to listen to on valentine’s day (or any day, really, I’m bad at themed playlists and playlists that anyone besides myself likes).

And LOL, he showed me a photo of the first spider he saw in Australia. No wonder people seem to think all the birds, spiders and flies are bigger in Australia.
Anyway, after yesterday, I gleaned the impression that Canadian people are affable, and quite lovely, except they sound exactly the same as what I imagined American people to sound like. Although, I imagine the next time I see him, he won't even sound american anymore, and will be a doctor. AND I realized I can't say g'day! My attempts were really pathetic, (I imagine my sister to be a pro at saying g'day, but I don't really know.)

Hahahaha, one more thing, I was looking up smh on urbandictionary, because I keep forgetting, and the word of the day:-

fashionmista
The male version of the fashionista.

A man who loves fashion.
Yo' check out that fashionmista - he's working it big time!

2012-02-11T13:08:00.003+11:00

I just did this test on finding your "empathy quotient" and I got 40. Which is. Relatively low. Which I guess I expected, actually, I don't think I'm a very empathetic person.

Also, today I met (well, I guess I didn't meet for the first time) someone with a Canadian accent! (My mom's bff's son, I'm guessing my mom's bff has a canadian accent as well, but she didn't talk to me in english.) And the WHOLE time I was talking to him, I kept thinking "wow, Renee you sound like such a bogan" (sorry if that's offensive, but that's what I genuinely thought) and then "oh my gosh, stop talking like that" and then I realized. THAT'S HOW I ALWAYS TALK. And I never considered myself to have a big accent! It was so bizarre!

I made a big saturday survey, but it feels weird to post now.

I just want to talk about my day, but I don't have time because I'm so sleepy, because I didn't have a nap, so. Night. I hope I remember for tomorrow :)

-

Also, just skimmed ophelia's blog post.
DISHWASHERS. THE BANE OF THE KITCHEN.
SERIOUSLY. WHAT A WASTE OF SPACE. THEY ARE THE MOST RIDICULOUS PIECES OF ELECTORNIC EVER. It really isn't doing it's job, if I have to scrape stuff off and half clean it myself first BEFORE I put it in, I might as well just do the rest of the job - I would have to expend the same amount of energy leaning down and drying the dishes later anyway. I could only understand using a dishwasher if I lived in a family of like. Eight. But then there's enough people for one person to do the dishes each day of the week anyway.

2012-02-10T16:37:00.001+11:00

I made a pact this year to comment on more blogs/blog posts, because I thought, I don’t know, just that it’d be nice to, and I think it’s the only new year’s pact I’ve stuck with. I kind of forgot what my others were anyway, so I guess it’s alright.

And it’s about to be my 1000th tweet, and I don’t know what to tweet! Are you supposed to make that tweet about the fact that it’s the a thousandth, or is it supposed to be a normal tweet that has no particular significance?

And today, Mr. Filewood said. “But you aren’t really scared of the things you’re scared of right?” And I was like “what?” and he said, “you just think you’re scared of them”. And I don’t know why, I found that. Okay, I’m not going to say very upsetting, because very upsetting is quite a different emotion, but it was demeaning! At that very moment, I just felt so sorry for Anthony Evans, and how okay, I just can’t be bothered explaining.

Also, blade runner, the quotes, the lost like tears in the rain quote! That was a quote I really liked, but really hated typing on type racer. All the type racer quotes! I think. I don’t know what I think, but when I think and talk about blade runner out of class, I feel a little fond, because of type racer, but when I’m actually watching it, I’m freaking out internally every five minutes, because it’s dark, both in the room and movie.

Anyway, it was a nice week, I guess. Kind of. Tbh, I don’t even remember what happened at the beginning of it, I can’t remember if my moments of :( were at the beginning of this week, or the end of last week, but every time I’ve laughed in the last few days, I’ve just savored in how good it feels.

No survey Saturday tonight, because I have to go to sleep earlier, because I’m sharing a room with my sister tonight!

Also, here’s an article which well, articulates everything I feel about Zooey Deschanel. I want to love her, and most of the time I like her, but I don't know. Just read it. If you have opinions about ZD, I guess.

Also, can I say I think pond's is totally working, or maybe it's just placebo affect, who knows!

I'm sleepy! I'm actually sleepy! Before eleven! Cool.

Also, someone said I didn't like fully chinese, and I started internally freaking out for some reason, and yeah, that's all. Night!

2012-02-09T21:11:00.004+11:00

I have nothing exciting to tell you today.

Oh, I've been doing maths homework all of this week, because I realized everyone was doing all this work after school, and I was sleeping and bumming aorund, and I thought, "well, I guess I should do the one thing I have to do which is maths", but today it's just too hard.

Oh, and I started using pond's cold cream, but I'm still moderately skeptical.
I would say it smells like my grandmother, but it doesn't, because I know my grandmother smells like lux. I'm too scared to use it in the morning in fear of smelling funny.

And today my sister was like "why are you laughing at everything I'm saying today?" and I told her "because I like you a lot more comparatively after yesterday", and she was like "I know, but that still doesn't explain the laughing". LOL am I that transparent. I re-realized how annoying she was. But I also realized at least she doesn't cry and scream and goes to sleep automatically.

Also, I just watched Amaury Vassili sing My love will go on! IT'S SO GOOD. Except idk what he did to his hair, it's a bit weird now. IT'S SO GOOD. Titanic doesn't deserve to have something like that in it, it's much too... virile? I like how he has these dramatic operatic music videos, unlike Charlotte Church who never did (until what, call my name or crazy chick or something -shudder-). I just wish that I could listen to her sing something one more time without the knowledge of her pop songs. Everything just changed after that. Now listening to her is this weird reminder of the past. And hey, I think his english has gotten considerably better.

This is a new video.
He's gotten so old! And his voice has gotten lower. I wanted to articulate that with a sad face, but that seemed slack, I mean, it'd be sad if he sounded like he was a boy forever. And it's even better now! But because he's a kid, I feel like a creep or something saying these things. And I love the PCCB conducter!

Alright, I should sleep now.
I guess I'm going to school tomorrow :(

2012-02-08T22:13:00.002+11:00

Eurgh.

Wednesdays sound exciting in theory, but now they're just forever not.
Oh my gosh, and they ruined abba for me too. I lied when I said super trouper was my favorite abba song, it's actually lay all your love on me (esp. because of the woodpigeon cover!), but I thought that it might've been inappropiate. Thank goodness, I did, because upon it coming up later, they said they found it weird.

I don't want to do this anymore, what if they ruin eurovision for me too, the two hours sleep before is not enough. Nowadays, when I hear screams from their house I think "thank goodness it's not me". And then afterwards, the crazy one hugged me and the only thing I could think was "... go away pls" so I just patted her head.

Today I thought someone was following me home, but I'm not sure if I was just being paranoid or not.

I understand why people like to be feminist now. It feels nicer to think someone doesn't like you because they're misogynist and not because they just don't like you. I think I totally misconstrued the whole feminist thing just then. And then if the misogynist thing doesn't work, the next fall back is white supremacist, and then ageist, and then "it's them not me".

My society and culture survey. It feels really weird reading these, I guess because I have no idea whatsoever who did them, and just because some of them were pretty honest.

I AM FEARFUL.

2012-02-07T17:58:00.002+11:00

I have a new theory (I guess it mightn't work if you know), that okay. I had to revise my theory. At first I thought it was the level of friendship, but I don't think it is anymore. My theory is that, the level of trust within a relationship, (or well, towards another individual), can be somewhat aptly judged from if the other person lets you touch their hair and how willing they are. (In which case, I am probably the least trusting person in the world, I don't like people touching my head/face)

I told my sister and she completely misconstrued my hypothesis, and just kept touching my hair after that. Today my mom said I should get a boyfriend and I told her "actually, I would prefer a cat" and she was like "hahahahaha, no."

Idk what to say, so I'll just link my go to happy videos/songs, except I think when I'm sad, happy things make me feel worse, so this is my list of things I listen to when I'm normal/happy to be even happier.

Cbb posting the rest, but also this weird song (I still can't stand chill wave, maybe it's growing on me, I don't even know!) endless spring, take it all, friday on my mind, I can suddenly think of so many more.

Maybe tomorrow I'll post my mellow list of songs.
Eurovision! Yay!

Today was an alright day :)
It's going to be okay

2012-02-06T20:57:00.002+11:00

I usually try not to be annoying and post one sentence posts because I feel like they don't count and I'm just being annoying. But I don't care! 168 wpm, yaaaaay, made my not that great day.

I wrote all this angry stuff about facebook, but then I realized I could just not go on facebook, and then it'd be fine.

Okay, I thought I'd just share a song before I went.

And I cordially invite you to listen to me read twilight in my double free tomorrow.

2012-02-06T17:12:00.000+11:00

My cousin is in san francisco at the moment.

So insanely jealous.

2012-02-04T17:08:00.004+11:00

Suddenly, there are all these birds in our yard, and it's freaking me out, I swear one just flew into my window, and they like to sit on the ledge on the window next to my bed and ahhhh, I hate birds, especially Indian mynas, why is this happening to me, :( :( :( I think my neighbor's stopped letting out the cat because it's rainy. Or. I don't know. But I'm too scared to open my window or go outside now :( (Okay, the last one is a lie, I just went outside to hose birds.)

And somehow in the alcove of the holidays, I've just lost all my books. I can't find my economics book (with the list of putdowns haha), I don't know where my english book went (but I guess I can excuse myself for that one, I never used it anyway), I can't find my maths theory book either (which is the main book I'm pining for [found it just then yay]) and actually, my book with things in it! I don't know where I put that, it's probably in my room somewhere, it was by my computer the whole holidays, but I must've taken it away to put in my bag and never did or something.

Ugh, my room is horrid at the moment, but I think it's just going to be like that forever. I have a new mantra (I shoudl stop using the word mantra, can someone please suggest a new word) of "purge, purge, purge" when it comes to my room.

Anyway, I've spent the whole day eating and sleeping, so now I'm going to clean stuff and look at school stuff or something.

Hey also, has anyone else had that thing where you have an overwhelming urge to shed tears for no reason? It's been happening to me a lot as of late, and it's creeping the hell out of me, even though I have a policy of crying when I feel like it, I realized this policy only holds at night, I don't know, it's still creeping me out, someone tell me I'm normal please.

-

FORGOT TO SAY, I think my new favorite beatles song is looking through you, even if I still like all my loving. I'll probably like all my loving first after valentines day or something lol.

2012-02-04T12:04:00.002+11:00

Woops, I meant to post this on my tumblr, but it's a nice song anyway, I'm going to write something later maybe.

2012-02-03T16:52:00.002+11:00

Guys, I noticed the back door of the study hall (to the verandah) doesn't even have a lock (no joke, I was changing in that corner and then I realized and just opened it, there's no lock on it), so if we ever get locked out - that's how to get in. (Of course, who knows if they'll still be watching on the camera, lol)

I woke up this morning and went back to sleep for a bit, then woke up, and I thought "I look really awful, late night crisises are really bad for my face" and then I thought, it's okay, bright lights make everyone look horrible regardless.

Sleeping on the epping bus is kind of endearing, because it's the last time I'll be on a bus that shouty without getting scared. On the m60, it's either quiet, which is nice, or if there's this group of people on it from our grade, they're really noisy and I get annoyed and plot against them and think "I'm so glad I'm leaving soon."

I was on the train with Maria. And then she was like "oh, the first week is over, 29/30!"

I think this picture sums up pretty well how I felt/feel about this week.

Also, do you like your name? There is a girl I follow on tumblr (just found out she was a girl lol) who posted:-
"My name is Jess but I’m honestly considering changing it to Jade, thoughts?"
and someone answered:-
"i like honoring my name as a gift from my parents, it does feel like part of who i am."

Isn't that nice? I never thought of it like that. I really don't like the name Jade, in whatever light I think of it, but I meant, isn't the second comment nice? I really like my name, even when asian parents get it wrong because of the double e. I often wonder how I would feel if I were my sister and had her name, and I'm glad I don't. I often wonder how I would feel if I were a Rachel because apparently my mom was going to choose that, but my dad couldn't say it, but I'm glad I'm not, because that would've been just weird in year seven.

In a way, I'm really glad high school is ending. It feels like it's been forever. Juniors are finally starting to annoy me and sometimes I just think we have one grade too much at our school, can't I just get an education without all these people running into me all the time, why can't we be like America with their super wide corridors.

Okay, if I post this after twelve, it'll be Survey Saturday.
Oh, before I start, LOOK AT THIS PATTERN, it's amazing.

1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.
This is embarassing, I always feel instantly judged when I talk or post music.
Leeland - Brighter Days
Snowglobe - Happy (This is no doubt the happiest song that exists, check it out)
The Antlers - Epilogue (I think this is one of the saddest songs I've heard, but I guess it's not that sad in the grand scheme of things, I don't know, I used to really like it, I listened to it too much one night and I had a horrible day after, so now I kind of avoid it.)
Golden Silvers - Magic Touch
Hurricane Bells - Into the Ocean (I think this is a cover, who knows)
The Click Five - Good Day. (Reminiscent of year eight. I guess. Ugh.)

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
Even though I don't like him that much anymore, it's still Bear Grylls.
Or Juanita Philips.
Or Ron Paul. But only if he read me a story or told me about when he was a teenager.

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.
"Augustus slammed the gas"

4) What do you think about most?
Hmmmm. I don't know! But I think very little about the future.

5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?
Something about my face being weird. Because it was this morning :(

6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
With, because I get really cold/I'm really susceptible of the cold, but I wouldn't if didn't get cold. (Okay, am I the only person who aspires to sleep in nothing but underwear? Is that weird? Is this too weird to put on my blog? I just like the feeling of blankets against skin. Okay, I'm going to stop now.)

7) What’s your strangest talent?
I can reach high things.
That isn't strange thoguh.

8) Girls…, sometimes I enjoy identifying, and other times I mentally facepalm. (finish the sentence);

Boys… oh, I'll never understand you, but that's okay, you'll probably never understand me. (finish the sentence)

9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?
Yes. Various of the first, none of the latter.
Can I write a song about myself? The only one is that weird just walk away Renee one.

10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?
I can't play a real guitar, so I really have no idea how to do it.
It really annoys me when people pretend to play the flute and get the sides and hands messed up. Please just do piano fingers.

11) Do you have any strange phobias?
I don't think any of my fears are strange, and I think all of them are completely rational, and the counsellor agrees.

12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
I can't recall, haha

13) What’s your religion?
I'm a Christian, and I'm not going to be say "Christianity isn't a religion", because I think it's kind of being misnomered, and this.

14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
Walking to the car, walking to the train, walking to the bus, walking home, oh or eating lunch.

15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
Tentatively in front, I don't like taking photos, I have a really shaky hand.

16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?
No band loyalty whatsoever. One band or artists just cannot encapsulate yay-ness for me. They want to do what they want to do, and I want to listen to what I want to listen.

I finally realized this with Georgia Fair, they have three songs I absolutely adore, and the rest, imo of course, is crap, I don't even know what they're doing anymore, it makes me so sad, and I decided after that, I'm never going to like a band again.

17) What was the last lie you told?
I'm not sure, but I lie compulsively sometimes, and it's really scary.

18) Do you believe in karma?
No. Just as I don't believe in luck, but I say good luck a lot anyway, which I weakly try to justify with "it makes people feel better".

19) What does your blog URL mean?
I can't be bothered explaining, but it's from year seven, and it involves Kim Pauls, even though she has no idea.

20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?
I don't know.
I can say things without thinking at all, and then other times, I've thought so much about saying something, and say it wrong or don't say it at all.

21) Who is your celebrity crush?
I thought a long time and couldn't think of any, sorry :(

22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
I probably did when I was little, but who hasn't.

23) How do you vent your anger?
Be all cry-y, when I'm angry (purely angry and not annoyed), I can't talk.
But I haven't angry cried in a long time, I've only sad cried as of late.

24) Do you have a collection of anything?
Bread clips.

25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?
The only time I've video chatted was for english, and it was quite creepy. I thought. Because I could see people. In their pajamas. And they could hear me. I think I'd prefer phone, thanks.

26) Are you happy with the person you’ve become?
I like myself now, more than the myself of five years ago.

27) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?
Fingernails on whiteboard. Or rather, my tutor's fingernails on cambridge textbook pages D: D: D:
I like. Some people have really nice laughs, like a cross between a chuckle and chortle.

28) What’s your biggest “what if”?
What if no one loves me.

29) Do you believe in ghosts?
No, I don't understand the concept anyway.

30) Stick your right arm out;
No.

31) Smell the air. What do you smell?
Nothing! Absolutely nothing!

32) What’s the worst place you have ever been to?
When we had to climb in that stupid hole before duke of ed.

Choose:

33) East Coast or West Coast?
East? That's me, right?

34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?
I don't know what the singers of half of the things I listen to look like.

35) To you, what is the meaning of life?
I pledge one day to read hitchhiker's guide so I can say 42.

Define:

36) Art:
A very scarring experience.
Now when I see post-modern art, I feel anger.

37) Do you believe in luck?
No.

38) What’s the weather like right now?
I fear I may not see the sun for some time to come.

39) What time is it?
11.28. yeah, it'll be survey saturday when I post this, does anyone actually read these? I always think it'll be fun for me to reread these, but I haven't ever done that.

40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?
No. Aziz was talking about how car crashing was an experience that should be on everyone's bucket list but I think I'm fine.

41) What was the last book you read?
The fault in our stars. I liked it, but tbh, I can't tell if it was genuinely a good book, because I read so little.

42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?
No, but then again, I don't entirely know what it smells like.

43) Do you have any nicknames?
Sheldon.

44) What was the last movie you saw?
Blade runner :(

45) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?
I don't know, I don't do any sport, so I don't get any horrible injuries where you have white tape and everywhere. I've fainted quite a few times though, does that count?

46) Have you ever caught a butterfly?
I'm scared, can't you guess?

47) Do you have any obsessions right now?
My neighbor's cat.
No I don't.

48) What’s your sexual orientation?
Straight, but I've if I was a boy, I would be gay. Sometimes I think "if I were a boy", if I were a boy, would I automatically like girls or no? It feels weird to think that anymore. Beyonce.

49) Ever had a rumor spread about you?
I don't know.

50) Do you believe in magic?
No.

51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?
YES. Even people who didn't really do me wrong directly. SO MUCH.
I try not to nowadays. But it's really hard.

52) What is your astrological sign?
Who cares

53) Do you save money or spend it?
Both

54) What’s the last thing you purchased?
Hmm. Mints or something, I don't nkow.

55) Love or lust?
I love the person who wrote everything before me.
I don't think you can fully understand being loved until you've loved and vice versa.
And even though I'm a christian, I don't think I have fully grasped the concept.

56) In a relationship?
No

57) How many relationships have you had?
No

58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
No

59) Where were you yesterday?
School.

60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
Yes! Yarn! I wore so much pink today, it felt so odd, because I hadn't in so long.

61) Are you wearing socks right now?
No

62) What’s your favorite animal?
My neighbor's cat.
Oh, and rabbits.

63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?
What?

64) Where is your best friend?
:|

65) Spit or swallow?
What?

66) What is your heritage?
My parents are from hong kong.

67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?
:'(

68) What do you think is Satan’s last name is?
He's like Madonna and Adele.

69) Do you kiss and tell?
What

70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?
No. I don't know. No. Depends.

71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?
Dogs cannot drown.

72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?.
Yes, not go to school, yes, I'm scared of pain.

Pick one:

73) Trust or love.
I almost think trust is more important than love, but that's just because I have an irrepressible subconcious mantra of "trust no one", I guess the two are supposed to come hand in hand.

74) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?
People like us - Happy old songs.
Always.
How could it not make you feel happy.

75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?
0457 or something, I can't think backwards.

76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?
Sacrifice not compromise.

77) How can I win your heart?
You can't.
I'm kidding. I think.
Um. Love God more than you could ever love me, I guess.
Not have an annoying laugh.
Be the smarter one.
I don't know.
Be driven, punctual, fearless.
And last but not least, be lovely, which of course is subjective. Loveliness transcends almost everything.
I tend to like people I know my parents would like.

78) Can insanity bring on more creativity?
NO. It's this faux-creativity which is really just no.

79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?
Going to bhhs.

80) What size shoes do you wear?
9, but I think my feet have shrunk or something, because I'm an 8 a lot now.

81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?
RENEE

82) What is your favorite word?
Lovely
And ambivalent

Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word:

83) Heart:
I'm sleepy :( :(

84) What is a saying you say a lot?
Sometimes I laugh a lot and sometimes I don't laugh at all.

85) What’s the last song you listened to?
I'm listening to who'd have known.

Basic question:

86) What’s your favorite color/colors?
I like white, but it's too white nowadays, so neutrals and floaty muted colors.
But I don't like wearing colors that aren't deep much tbh.

87) What is your current desktop picture?
It's just gray.

88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?
That seems a bit mean. I might want to sometimes, but I wouldn't.

89) What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?
A lot of things.

90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

I'd be really scared. Who wouldn't. Or maybe I'd be sleep paralysis-ed which happened once which was just very, very scary, in which case, I wouldn't be able to do anything, right?

91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?
You're stupid.
Even me, who doesn't know science knows radioactive vegetables like the ones in Japan make people very, very sick. (Although I don't understand why, no one's ever explained it properly so I understood it to me, how can things just become radioactive?)

92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
I thought about saying when I was a baby, but that's silly.
There are moments I'd much prefer over that.

93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
I don't know.

94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?
Ditto everything I said about music earlier, ugh.

95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
hong kong.

96) Do you have any relatives in jail?
I don't think so

97) Have you ever thrown up in the car?
No

98) Ever been on a plane?
Yes

99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?
I have a headache :(

100) Give me your top 5 favorite blogs.

Thank goodness this is over.
Good night :(

2012-02-02T20:46:00.000+11:00

I always see beautiful things around, and I thought today I'd share a few.
(I.e. I probably just misused the term "i.e.", what I mean is I just can't be bothered writing anything,

“Unhappy memories are persistent. They’re specific, and it’s the details that refuse to leave us alone. Though a happy memory may stay with you just as long as one that makes you miserable, what you remember softens over time. What you recall is simply that you were happy, not necessarily the individual moments that brought about your joy.
But the memory of something painful does just the opposite. It retains its original shape, all bony fingers and pointy elbows. Every time it returns, you get a quick poke in the eye or jab in the stomach. The memory of being unhappy has the power to hurt us long after the fact. We feel the injury anew each and every time we think of it.”

- Cameron Dokey

“Deciding whether or not to trust a person is like deciding whether or not to climb a tree because you might get a wonderful view from the highest branch or you might simply get covered in sap and for this reason many people choose to spend their time alone and indoors where it is harder to get a splinter.”

- Lemony Snicket

“For a moment the last sunshine fell with romantic affection upon her glowing face; her voice compelled me forward breathlessly as I listened - then the glow faded, each light deserting her with lingering regret, like children leaving a pleasant street at dusk.”

That was from the Great Gatsby (I think).
I think that book will be like Dorian Gray for me, I will never read it, just because I already have these ideas of what these people are like and I don't want to ruin them. The Dorain Gray one is already fading a little, because I've been told about, but I've written down about it somewhere, so it's alright.

Is it okay if I only share three? Is that a few? I always thought a few was three, until Mr Jones, told us what HE thought a few, a couple, a handful and all these things were and enforced them as if they were. The only one of the ones that I just said which you could argue and win would be "a couple" as two, (although I always thought of it as the same as a few because I'm a silly.)

One of my favorite, well, it's not one of my favorite, but one of the verses in the bible I really like (but I wouldn't say it was my favorite, because it's not exactly favorite material) is Luke 2:19, "But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." I really like it because. I don't know, the first time I read it... I didn't think much of it. But it's just, I don't know.

I just think it's a lovely thought. Pondering things in your heart. I'm going to ignore that the last sentence was super cheesy. Sometimes, I think people share too much. Or maybe I just don't share enough. But I'm sure everyone thinks that. I imagine marriage to be one person who is privy to everything. And that's something I don't think I realized in my parents until I'd gotten older, they tell each other everything.

I also imagine marriage to be a really big investment of time, I mean what if you're stuck with this person who's turns out to be really boring? Or worse than a boring person, a person who thinks they're interesting but aren't in the slightest? (This is all subjective, of course.) Or worse still if you like someone more than they like you. Or worse still they like you more than you like them and it's just awful. Or even worse still, if you like them so much you forget all the bad aspects of them and become disillusioned and go crazy. I can't think of anymore.

I'm losing it.

I'm just going to think of my neighbor's cat.

Happiest animal moment of my life.

And there's this girl in my roll call, who I won't name because it's kind of creepy if I do. But sometimes in the morning (or anytime really), I think "I hate everyone, everyone is pretentious and will raise annoying kids" and then I'll see her and think. How could I hate everyone. If I hated everyone, I would make an exception just for her, and then I wouldn't hate everyone. I feel weird as I'm writing this, because this girl, I don't know, she isn't someone who's reknowned of niceness (even though she is really nice) and she's not someone who's okay I'll just stop, she's just someone who unexpectedly makes me happy just when I see her, even though I don't even knew her that much. Maybe it's best it stays that way.

It's cold.

Yesterday, I would've felt like telling my cat story, but you know, I've told it a few times, and I'm content with that already, so it's okay. I'll ponder it in my heart lol.

2012-01-31T17:13:00.003+11:00

My sister's playing tennis tomorrow. Which. She's really excited, which is nice for her, but if it were me, I would be dreading it, plus I'm scared she'll faint from over exhaustion because she's worst than me, and she never drinks water.

I just hula hooped because my mom said I should take up a sport. I must be pretty pathetic at sport, because she accepted that as a sport lol.

And today, SO COLD EVERYWHERE. Why is it, at our school, it's either air con on sub polar arctic freezing or air con off, edging on heatstroke?

I drew you a picture of my neighbor's cat. Sorry about the white space at the bottom.
I'm trying not to think about it, I think I'm more scared of cats than birds, but tbh, I don't really know. :( I don't like being scared. But the tohught of confronting my fears scares me even more.

THIS IS UPSETTING :( :( :(

2012-01-31T00:31:00.002+11:00

So I had been in bed for around twenty to thrity minutes (which is around my "starting to get antsy" mark), and I thought you know, this really isn't working, I really blew it with my, what was it, two hour nap, and I'm hungry and I can't sleep, so I decided to get up and turn my computer back on (bad decision I know) and eat something, and thought, I can sleep on the bus and in my free.

Then I went on msn, and there was literally no one. (Well, there were people floating around on away). That's really impressive guys, I'm proud of you all, at least everyone else succeeded where I didn't. Have not seen such a small msn list since. Since year six. Disturbing, especially after the holidays where I'd still be floating around touching two, and people would be up and it felt normal.

So I guess I'll just fix up my creative or something, whilst I have absolutely nothing to do because my internet is super slow atm because it's the end of the month.

See you tomorrow :) (Well, today, now.)

2012-01-30T16:49:00.002+11:00

Australian weather, get a hold of yourself, seriously!

If today had been cold like every other day. It would've been lovely.

I thought legal last today, which I had the first time was the biggest drag - but then I realized, how could it be any worse than economics (which I happen to have last twice last year).

And I just slept (can't even say I napped, it was def more than 90 minutes), and now all my thoughts are jumbled.

I think I'm tired of school already, I'm so tired, I kind of thought I should've taken the walk in the heat to take m60, but I'm glad I didn't. Reading cards on the train is really, really nice. I really enjoyed catching the train when I first did and I still do, I guess.. I just hate the epping bus, I guess, there are too many year sevens! The ratio was scary, we aren't all going to fit tomorrow!

Also, does anyone else get the. Not eating all taht much because it's hot and then feeling like you're dying later because you didn't eat?

Also new roll call, whyyyyy? I had one year of roll call goodness, I guess.

I haven't had economics yet. That might be why my first day felt so. Not boring, but not exciting either.

Also, when I heard Djokovic ripped off his shirt I thought "How did I miss this?" And then I just read an article and saw pictures and was like D:

I just took down my old timetable I had tacked on my wardrobe door. It felt very symbollic, and then I noticed - tomorrow, my society and culture class is in P3. Where's P3?!?!?!?

I'm scared for catching the bus tomorrow! There are going to be so many people!
I've become one of those people who don't feel much sympathy for the year sevens.

School was nice. Aside from the weather. Why do you do this?

I'm going to read my diary from last year and see what I said about last year's first day. I guess I better write something about today's first day then.
-
I didn't write anything on the first day. I didn't write anything until the fourth day.
It was lame. I was stupid. I still am. It took me ages to find it because I never order my diaries and I have horrible memory and then forget which is which. It's weird. Some of it feels like so long ago. Because some of it actually was a long time ago.

Year ten already feels like a long time ago, when I picked up the wrong one and thought it was year eleven.

I hate to say it again. But we're so old!

And Jack is being princess peach for muck up. I hope he doesn't outstage me as a pink dressed princess.

2012-01-29T20:01:00.003+11:00

I no longer enjoy my little pony. They're getting annoying, and it's too predictable, even for me.

Last night, I couldn't sleep (like every night I try to go to sleep early nowadays lol), and I found my ipod and was listening to music (it's such a weird thing to do, the only time I enjoy listening to music is in bed at night. When I listen on buses or trains, I can't hear it because everything I listen to is so... fragile and light), anyway, I came across quelqu'un m'a dit, and then I was like. "Okay, I'm going to watch 500 days of summer".

I've watched it quite a few times, because I had trouble juggling the time jump thing. (Every time I watch it, I think "gee, I wonder if someone has ordered it and uploaded it somewhere yet" and "I wonder if they filmed it all sequentially then cut it up or what"). Anyway, it was the first time I watched it and felt sorry for Tom. I've never felt sorry for Tom.

And today I drove WITH MY SISTER in the back. I made her promise she wouldn't say anything, so it just felt like normal, sometimes with her head in the corner of the rear view mirror. And I went in ticketed parking today too, it was. I thought I had long arms, (I do!!! Isn't arm span your height? Then I do!!) and I had a little trouble reaching thee ticket button. And a lot of trouble reaching the ticket.

Anyway school tomorrow, see you then!

2012-01-28T15:43:00.002+11:00

Did you know that there is a NSW government issued guide for babysitting? ("for young people")

It's a "resource for kids working as babysitters". Tbh, the thing I'm most scared of is their cat.
I don't really see myself as a kid anymore, because I don't like the idea of a kid being allowed to drive you know.

When do you stop becoming a kid? I think it's different for everyone, and I think it's self determined. As in, I think there's a point where you decide or realize, or I think it's decide, "I'm not a child, but I'm not an adult". I think I'm at a point where I think only teachers and parents should be calling me a kid.

Also, the studio version of Basia Bulat's cover of true love will find you in the end got uploaded on youtube. I think this is my favorite rendition. Or the one girls did, or the one Beck Hanson did, the harmonica! (Which someone did a cover of the cover of!)

Also, my dad just came home today (well, he and my mom had gone grocery shopping) and said "I think I'm going to change careers". Except it sounds less drastic in cantonese. Just like that. And then he said "sorry, I don't think I'll be able to pick you up after school anymore" (because he picks me up at the train station). The last time he said this, he changed jobs almost immediately. He said he wanted to be a lift mechanic again which he was in Hong Kong. Good for him, I guess, his current job seems to moderately suck. It's really disturbing how my parents just seem to change jobs that are in completely different fields so quickly.

Anyway, I asked him, "are you serious, or are you just thinking about it?" (Which I guess I should know by now not to ask him. The last time I asked him this, he was looking at lawnmowers on ebay, and we have five of various wholeness in our back yard now.) And I was like "well, at least lifts don't change". And he said. "You mean, at least lifts don't go to India."

I also watched two episodes of MLP.
I feel like. I should be thinking "I have to work more because school soon", instead, my subconcious is telling me "last chance you can watch stuff and feel relatively guilt free, might as well".

Two more sleeps, ahhhhhhh.

2012-01-26T20:00:00.002+11:00

Yesterday, I went home and slept till dinner.

I am really THAT pathetic lol.

I was thinking about lateness or not lateness.

I really don't like when people are late. I also really don't like when I'm late.
When someone's late, it just means they think their time is more important than mine, or, they don't respect me enough to yank themselves out of bed ten minutes earlier or whatever.

And then I realized. Damn, I'm becoming one of those people who are late when meeting other people.
It's because people have let me down SO MANY TIMES, and okay. I'm going to outline my time threshold for if I'm meeting someone/s. (I need to specify that this is meeting someone in a public place. When it's someone coming to my house, I don't really mind at all, because, well, I'm at my house, and I don't really like people coming to my house anyway.)

5-15 minutes. This probably would've bothered me a few years ago, but if this still bothered me, I might as well never go out again.

15-25 minutes. I'm okay with this too, I guess. Unless I didn't get told that you'd be late, then I'm really not, you better have a semi-valid reason.

30 minutes + You might as well call me and not come for another half an hour so I can cool off, because I've been kicking myself mentally for thinking you would come on time. I can't believe this has happened to me. More than once. -50 trust. Friendship level degraded. (I'm kidding about the last one, but I will forever remember that you have wasted half an hour of my time on a perfectly fine day.)

Thinking about this makes me upset. But for example, if I had to choose between two trains, and one took me to the train station at the time I was supposed to be somewhere, I won't even bother catching an earlier one anymore. AND FOUR OUT OF FIVE TIMES I'LL STILL BE THE FIRST ONE.

I feel like I've probably jinxed myself for writing this, and that I'll be chronically late for the rest of my life (touch wood), but seriously, when did it become socially acceptable to be late without a reason?

Also, I watched the beginning of parent trap, and little lindsay lohan, how cuuuute!

And the internet went out today, so I was like "fine, time to make stuff with the cream cheese my mom had been pestering me to use up from before christmas" and I made a cheesecake, but because I had no internet, I had to blindly follow the recipe on the carton and then changed it because I didn't have half the ingredients. And it's so lovely!!!! It's so nice!!! I've never liked cheesecake. Even my dad said it was nice, and my dad likes nothing.

-sigh- you don't appreciate good skin until you don't have it anymore.

2012-01-25T16:35:00.002+11:00

I was just thinking about the things I say most in each class.

Maths
Probably, "I don't get it" and "There's only five minutes till the bell, so I packed up" and "I love maths".
They seem somewhat paradoxical. Mainly the last one.

Economics
"Can you read this and tell me what it's about?"
"The other day I -"
"Can I please have your pencil case so it looks like I didn't pack up early."
-incessant laugh-

Legal studies
I don't talk much/at all in legal studies.
I live in fear of the Sheridan.

Society and Culture
I'm not sure!
I gave up asking people not to call me Sheldon, so I'm not sure what my most said thing in soccul is.

English
I don't say much in english ever.
In year ten, it would've been "can you think of a word that -"

English Ext
"I don't like this"

I was also just thinking about.
Remember when Obama got voted in?
I remember it was year eight, and it was a hot-ish afternoon, when I was still very yay america.
For some reason, it reminds me very much of the day I came home and all the Bear Grylls tickets were sold.

I wish I was going back to school already, ahhh.
In the holidays, I keep accidentally sleeping, and feeling awful when I wake up and like a section of my day never happened.

I feel like I need to pluck a gif from somewhere to post.

2012-01-24T13:44:00.003+11:00

I didn't make this gif. I want to watch star wars!
There isn't enough star wars appreciation!
Or maybe it is, but none of it has occured around me.
I went into watching star wars in exactly the same way I went into watching harry potter - a decade (more or less) after everyone else was initially yay, in this burst where I watched all the movies in one go (and then I followed up and read all the harry potter books too), and now that I think about it.

And now that I think of it, I think I enjoyed star wars more.
I always thought harry potter logic was a bit dodgy (this is because I watched all the movies first, where they emphasized love saving harry and stuff too much without rexplaining it properly.)
Okay, I lied, I haven't seen them all, I haven't seen the clone wars, does that count?

Hey and you know what.

I feel like I've been lied to all my life about this "sense of achievement" thing.
Like. Before duke of ed, they were like "oh, it's a hard trek, but you'll look back and feel so proud of yourself and what you've achieved", and I remember after, the only thing I could think was "good riddance, I'm so glad I'm going home, that was hell", and the second time, "that was like a walk in the park compared to the first time, but I'm still glad I'm going home".

It's the same with nanowrimo.
I did it, and the first time I finished, around ten thirty, I think it was, I was like. "Well, that's nice."
And then I did it too more times with the same experience. (Well, obviously, I didn't do it for a sense of achievement the next two times. What, I didn't even do it for a sense of achievement the first time, I don't run after feeling achieved.)

AND HEY GUYS. If Australia becomes a republic, we wouldn't have the duke of edinburgh scheme.

I'm just saying!

-

Okay, I just realized, I don't really love Sheldon Cooper, I love Jim Parsons' representation of Sheldon Cooper.

2012-01-23T19:04:00.006+11:00

In my birthday card, my aunt wrote.
"How's school, fun and easy, right? Enjoy it, because working life is not that great."
So yeah. Enjoy school.

Tbh, I think it's been fun and easy. Ofc, that's probably because I haven't really started hsc year yet.

And so many thoughts running around about the fault in our stars! I'm only about half way through, but I'm trying hard to take a break and not read it in one go, so I spend more time savoring moments of reflection in between. Wow, that sounds really stupid. It's so. I feel like I should find it morbid, but it's really not, it's quite delightful. DL, I don't know why, but I think you'd enjoy this book, or at least find it nice. And there's this character named Isaac in the book, and every time he pops up, I can't take him seriously because his name is Isaac.

And at the beginning of the book, the protagonist mentions that she's sixteen, and I had thought to myself, "oh like me, except that I don't have cancer and a pair of malfunction-y lungs", and then when I was in the shower I realized. I'm not sixteen anymore. NOT SIXTEEN ANYMORE. Ahhh. What is the allure of being sixteen, why does it sound so much more appetizing than seventeen? I'm getting old, I understand how people lose track of how old they are.

SO EXCITED. Rebecca B's already finished!
!!!!!!
Torn between waiting and not waiting and ahhhhh.
As soon as I finish, I'll of watch all the youtube videos about it.

Yaaaaaay!
It's a sad book, but at the same time, I feel like the word sad is kind of two dimensional and slots the book in this neat little category. In these moments I stop being excited, I start being sad. Or maybe I'm just at this particularly sad moment.

-

edit:// 2/3 through, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh ahhhh ahhhhh ahhhhh I wish I could call someone up and talk about it, ahhhhhhhhh, how everything changed so quickly, ahhhh, I can't even tell if this is a good book, or just a slightly above average one, glorified by my lack of book reading and in comparison to the last book I read, Frankenstein, ahhhhhh.

2012-01-22T22:36:00.003+11:00

i am sixteen going on sventeen, i know that i'm naiiiiive, fellows i meet may tell em i'm sweet and willingly i'll believe, i am sixtene going on seventeen, innocent as a rose, bachelor dandies, drink somethign brandies, what do i know of those

totally unprepared am i to face a world of men
timidly shy and scared am i
are things beyond my can
i need someone older and wise telling me what to doooo-oooo
you are seventeen going on eighteen
i'lllll de-peeeeend on youuuu.

Okay, I typed that whilst listening to the song (phew, it was a rush), thus the lack of capitals. Okay, it looks really bad, I'm going back in to fix it. No, I can't be bothered.

Your life, little girl, is an empty page, that men will want to write on
Tooooo wriiiiite ooooooon.

LAST BIRTHDAY. Okay, this wasn't on my actual birthday but still.

I feel like.
Sixteen was a bit of a let down, it wasn't not good, it just wasn't better than the rest. All those songs lied.

NO I POSTED THIS TOO LATE

2012-01-21T20:05:00.003+11:00

Today I realized the secret to doing well in school.

It's to have drive, whether it be negative like A+++ demanding parents, or still negative like a desire to beat everyone or, I don't know, I always see drive as a negative thing for some reason, because it stresses people, and in a way it can be a burden, even though I also find it very desirable.

In other words, I don't think I'm going to do that well.

It's my second last day of being sixteen. The past week, I've kept thinking "gee, I really need to think of all the sixteeny things I can think of to do", but I haven't been able to think of any. I think my sixteenth year can be characterised by its nothingness. It's not that it was empty and awful, I just think nothing especially new happened, it was like a plateua of happeningness. I spelt that wrong, didn't I. Plateau.

I was given this diary for the year by someone for christmas, but because it's a bit big, and I'd already bought a small one earlier, I've been using it to write a few sentences about each day, and it's weird, I read back and think back to days before that were only a week-ish ago, yet it seems to foreign already.

And was there a storm this morning? My sister brought it up, and I vaguely remember this really big thunder, and I remember thinkign "it's too early for me to be scared" and going back to sleep. Everything is a lot nicer when you're in bed, and it isn't dark. Speaking of which, the power went out last night, and because I had just been staring at a computer screen, as soon as it went out I couldn't see anything at all, and I was thinking "hmm, should I try to make it to my room or just wait till my vision assimilates", and then I remembered I HAD LEFT A FLASHLIGHT THERE FOR JUST THIS SITUATION.

Also, am I the only one who found the wikipedia blackout disappointing? I thought it would be legit gone, and as if it was never ever there, and you'd go there, and it'd be like "Firefox can't find the server at en.wikipedia.org."

Forever forgetting to post stuff, yay
And favorite rendition of last christmas ever.

2012-01-20T20:25:00.007+11:00

I'm sorry I got carried away with the hearts.
They're fun to draw. Like stars.
You should see my eco book.
It's beauuuuutiful!

Actually I feel like playing a writing now.
GUESS THE LYRICS

i made ten, too bad I cbb uploading them lol

2012-01-18T09:34:00.002+11:00

@Arjuna, I read the tweet lol

I also realized on my birthday, I'm going to be home alone, yaaaay.
I don't really know if that yay was a sarcastic one despite it being four a's, but I don't really mind to be completely honest.

Also, all the nerdfighters at the tour video they showed were female, I noticed.

And haha, everything today was just slightly amusing.
I woke up at nine, (okay, I bed mingled for a while, nine thirty,) JUST SO I could eat lunch before twelve thirty.

And then everything took a turn for the weird and unplanned there.
Also, I realized you can't be late to my train station, and if you are, you never planned to be there on time in the first place, because the last stretch is this huge hill, and you just run down it. And hope no one you know goes past and sees you.

Anyway, lol, he went to the wrong library.
And I realized because of that, I can't text on a buttoned phone quickly anymore.

And it's not fun walking anywhere in summer (not that it was ever fun to walk anywhere, I really don't like walking anywhere), but it's extra awful.

S-Wednesday survey time!

1. What is the best way to approach an awkward and possibly embarrassing question?
No point trying to make it normal, when it's not going to be.
I think the informant should make clear his/her intentions to introduce an awkward, possible embarassing question though, so the informed can have a few seconds to get ready to do an un-awkward face.

BUT HONESTLY, I don't find situations awkward often. I'll find situations uncomfortable, but not awkward, and the one thing I hate most if when I don't think something is awkward, and the other person/someone in the party is like "well, this is akward".

I just feel like slapping them after that.

2. What is the meanest thing your parents had said to you?
Well, my parents have said mean things, but nothing that isn't true.
We have an honesty is the best policy thing in our house.
If my butt looks big in something, I will be told, sometimes not nicely. You just get over it.

Tone can be worse than words ever could be, I think, my dad is a yeller, and I'd much rather him calmly tell me he hated me, then him yell at me for freaking out whilst driving.

3. If you could own any celebrity’s wardrobe whose would it be?
I don't really keep track of celebrity wardrobes, and besides, where would I find someone the same height and everything as me.

4. If you were given 30 seconds on television to address everyone in the world, what would you say?
I would give it to someone else more worthy/with more to say.
I can't think of anything to say to everyone.

5. What would you do if you were faced with an unplanned or unwanted pregnancy (at your current age)?
Cry, cry, and cry some more because I'm really good at crying.
Then watch the Kourtney Kardashian birthing video, beause it's the ONLY ONE, I've ever seen that wasn't traumatic in some way. Oh, there was another one, but that one was just "wow she has a crazy pain threshold".

6. How would you deal with a friend or family member that is being abused?
I really don’t know.
Tell someone? I don't know.

7. Is there a specific slang term or swear word that you absolutely cannot stand?
Cunt and faggot.
^what the person said before.
I'll agree, but also "fugly", I really don't like that one.

8. What is your worst dating experience?
Well, it’s a certain date. It’s kind of funny actually (but not at the time). It was my first (& only) date with Glenn (who is now my friend). We went to a high school ice hockey game, and hung out with my friend Lena and his friend Alex. The date went well. Then Lena & I left. The next day I found out Glenn hitched a ride with a girl 3 years older than him that he had met during our date, and they ended up making out in his car. Oh but don’t worry, this boy Lucas also hung out with us and apparently he liked me so Lucas and I went on another date.
^Not my story.

9. If you were a music artist, what would you do to make your video creative or different?
I wouldn't.
Not creative, at all.
I would learn to smile whilst singing.
I have automatic smile reflex, like when I walk past someone whilst walking.
I feel like I have a scary face when I don't smile, idk.

10. What is the best age to have children? Why?
When you're most fertile? What does this even mean?
Generic answer, when everything is stable. I don't know.

11. What would the title of your autobiography be?
RENEE

2. What was your worst-ever “fashion crime”? Are you willing to share a photo?
When I was four, at my school photos, I wore bright pink track pants and a MATCHING PINK JUMPER. Shaking my head at my mom. Random trivia, Dulan was in that photo too. Or it might've been the when I was three one, I can't remember.

13. What does it take for someone to earn your trust?
Aziz always says that I don't trust people, because I'm suspicious of his high fives.
BUT, before that I thought I was an ultra-trusty person.
I'm not at all, actually.

So I'm going to say, IT TAKES A LOT, yet so little sometimes.
I don't even know.
But general consensus - I don't trust easily - it makes sense, have you seen how paranoid about everything I am?

14. If you had to limit your internet usage to only three websites,what three websites would you choose?
Don't do this to me please.

15. Who would be the best actor/actress to play you in a movie about your life?
I don't want a movie about my life.
Leonardo dicaprio.

16. If you were a canned food product what would you be and how would you market yourself?
I'M NOT.

17. What are a few false perceptions you think people have about you?
Remember how we did that thing where you wrote stuff on people's backs? People were all like "nice" and "sweet".

I guess that can be construed because I do try to smile a lot.
But I also tend to hate on everyone in my head. It fluctuates, I'll enjoy being around people and love people and then I'll suddenly be like "no, I don't want to go to school, I don't want to see people rararara" and mope.

18. What do you think of online dating? Have you tried it?
I wouldn’t do it.
I imagine it to be like omegle.
D:

19. Is Valentine’s Day just a commercialized holiday? What do you think should change or stay the same?
It's nice, I guess. But, I imagine it's so much pressure, what if you get something for your partner, and they don't for you, vice versa, etc etc, plus you're only doing it because everyone else is? Spending money because everyone else is is trivial.

Plus I'm scared of valentines day.
I wrote out a whole paragraph about why and whatnot, but no, I think I'll leave it at that.
And I have hayfever. Flowers and roses all around makes me feel sick.

20. In what ways has blogging changed or affected your life personally?
Thought-dump. yaaaay

2012-01-17T13:26:00.002+11:00

Reading Bear Grylls "Priorities of Survival pocket Guide".

"Fire
Fire will provide you with heat, light, comfort and protection. There are many ways to light your tinder: a lighter, matches, fire starter or car batteries beign the easiest potions, but not the only - even in hte rain or cold. Choose the location for your fire wisely; relative proximity to your shelter and wind direction being the most important considerations. Build a base of green branches if the ground is wet, or dig a pit to protect it if it is windy. A fire requires three ingredients: Oxyfen, Fuel and Heat." (Seriously, they're capitalized, I'm typing this out from the booklet.) "Gather your fuel before you attempt to start your fire. Look for wood that is off the ground to ensure your best chance of it being dry. (Look for dead branches and twigs that crack when you break them.) You will need tinder to get your spark going. Fluffy fibrous materials like dry moss or grasses all make good tinder, as do cotton balls, tampons or petrol soaked rags. (Be very cautious starting fire with petrol. Use a very small amount and start the fire well away from the petrol sourse.) Once you have gone to the effort of getting a flame, it is vital to be able to keep it going, so be sure that you have gathered plenty of fuel before hand. You can keep a fire smoldering through the night by covering it with ash or dry soil."

And now you know. Wow, I didn't realize how long that would be typed out, it's so small on the page.

Oh, another quote:-

"Generally if it walks, crawls, swims or flies - it can be eaten."

Last night, I got out my nokia phone from year seven (it's more indestructible than the indestructible one!), and it's been. Kind of weird, but my phone was ruining my life. Well, it wasn't ruining my life, it was just the root of all my problems. It's been really weird, actually. When I had my nap, whilst falling asleep, I kept having urges to roll over and get my phone, just because it was so instinctual, because I usually read stuff before falling asleep. And now I'm reading sydney morning herald on the computer! And whilst reading the intro of frankenstein (never made it past that to the letter lol), I kept wanting to get my phone to look up words, but I had to use a dictionary. And I have to do the press-a-button-three-times thing to get a specific character. It's very bizarre.

And, a lot of people had been telling me "why don't you just each lunch and breakfast together", and I've tried to, but I just can't, I get hungry. The lats two days, I've tried to get away with just eating fruit or drinking milk when I wake up, and then not eating till lunch, and I just can't do it, I get really hungry and faint-y. Do they mean to have braekfast-lunch straight after waking up? I don't quite wake up late enough for that, I wake up eleven-y. I honestly don't understand how people can just skip breakfast.

Ahhh.

2012-01-17T11:28:00.003+11:00

Most amazing thing happened last night.

Despite wanting to tell everyone, I don't want to write it on my blog, because it's somewhat personal, and a lot of people would probably be like "hahaha, you're sad."

Anyway, I'm just putting this here to mark the date :)

evening thoughts i can't contain because i'm lonely/my sister doesn't want to listen to me talk anymore

2012-01-14T23:10:00.003+11:00

GUYS, did you know what WD-40 is named that because it stands for "water displacement, 40th attempt". I guess it's not that fascinating, but when I told my dad, he was close to astounded and was like "I ALWAYS KNEW IT WASN'T FOR MAKING THINGS SMOOTH BECAUSE I READ ON A ZILLION FORUMS AND REALIZED THAT IT WOULD LATER JUST SCREW THINGS UP." He well, bellowed it, so I thought it was right to put that in caps.

And I finally, FINALLY understand how the hsc works, after five times continuous explaining.

It seems a whole lot fairer now

- continuing on from the next day

The whole of today, I felt like my brain cells were slowly dying off from their deprivation of speech (okay, I just reread that, I meant sleep!), but it wasn't actual sleepy until I was in the car home.

And I bought my first thing online!
(Well, there might have been something else I just forgot, now that I think of it, but it's still exciting.)

AND I'm going to get a locker next year, because I feel like it's an integral experience for my last yaer of high school.
And hopefully not share.
I actually really don't like sharing, as sad as that sounds (sharing is caring).
Well, I don't know.
Sheldon moment.

I think I just don't like to suddenly find things in there, it creeps me out.

Twilight is so bizarre! More so that I ever imagined!

I slept an atypical nap and it's now scrambling the chronology of everything that happened today!

I realized when I was coming home, that I haven't slept normally, as in, without a nap, for more than three days in a row since, I believe 2010.

And I have this song in my head atm

I don't understand why I know it, in the same way I don't understand why I know the plotline of all the disney princess films (EXCEPT FANTASIA, is that a disney princess? I don't even know, and I've seen a few of those barbie princess movies that I mix up for this because my sister and her friend watched them at age five or something), even though I don't remember watching them.

time to sleep yay

2012-01-14T15:33:00.005+11:00

The hardest thing about cutting your own hair is getting both sides equal.
The second hardest thing about cutting your own hair is knowing when to stop.

Once you accept the fact that you can never get both sides equal, it's a breeze.
No one really notices anyway, that orthey're too polite to tell you unless they're your sister.

Yaaaay. My hair is normal again, and doesn't look weird and wispy and yuck at the bottom. Not yay, I look like a kid again, discounting the fact that I'm way too tall.

This length hair has eluded me for almost two years now, because I get annoyed just before it reaches that length. I can't remember what it's like to have actually long hair anymore! Wouldn't you get strangled in your sleep? Wouldn't it be gross to be writing something and realize your hair was brushing the top of your arm?

And hey, I was reading daily telegraph (the wednesday one, I'm so behind), and there was this thing about manners, and all these people were getting angry at this pregnant woman who wrote an article about people not standing in buses for pregnant women. Of course I think people should stand for pregnant women, but pregnant women shouldn't expect people to OR think that others are obligated to, because really aren't. And I was going to add a semi-slack remark but I won't.

Anyway, I'm going to a buffet tonight, because turns out, my mom's company does accounting for all these different star buffets which are part of this bigger group called feasty pty (which apparently no one in the company even knows how to say, so my mom told me), I think it was and she does pay roll or something like that, and they got a lot of vouchers for christmas. I swear this year, my mom had two times the presents than everyone else because all these companies send them stuff at christmas, it's so bizarre.

I haven't done maths in exactly two weeks now.

P.s. if one side of your hair is longer, just change your part. Works every time, even though it theoretically shouldn't.
P.p.s. Don't worry, you won't screw it up unless you're hair is around shoulder length anyway.
P.p.p.s. Here's a cute puppy gif I didn't make.
P.p.p.p.s. WHY DID I EVEN POST THAT, I'M SCARED OF DOGS!

2012-01-12T11:15:00.004+11:00

What a weird day.

I understand why people listen to musical devices whilst walking, but I'm still not going to, because i'm scared it'll impair my hearing and I'll walk into traffic or something.

I don't know what to say anymore, I can't tell my bad milk story anymore :( :( :(

I drew you a graphical representation of how I imagine frankenstein's monster! (Ignore the fact that I practically ripped off a meme face thing on the right. Obviously I can't draw scary things. Or anything at all really, I'm not sure why I did VA.)

And I don't remember when, because I watched indianna jones a lot of times last year, but someone was like "how does he manage to have bulging muscles when he's a historian?"
CARRYING BOOKS! No joke, every time I carry multiple textbooks home without a bag, I feel like I've grown a bicep or something.

Still listening to christmas songs.

2012-01-11T17:43:00.003+11:00

I'm so tired. Not really. I'm alright now.
What a weird evening. Here's some nostalgic music.

Their faces really creep me out, but I have a feeling I'm pulling the exact same expression.

I can't see Ms. Maissin the same ever since I saw this weird likeness between her and Karen Carpenter.

I'm sleepy.

Sleepy sleepy sleepy.

2012-01-10T11:04:00.002+11:00

Reading Crystal's list of 2012 movies has made me realize what an un-movie person I am, when the only one I thought "hey, maybe I should watch that" was Beauty and the Beast in 3d.

I think this year I should also try to get over some fears.
Especially the cat one because my neighbor has a cat.
But not until I have to for my pip, haha.

Sometimes I think my dad is really mean, and well, he is, I guess. He's the type of person that will make up these mean nicknames for people behind their back, and then he'll keep calling them that matter-of-fact when talking about them and then one day you realize you're doing it too, just because it's become this... misnomer. And he gets annoyed really easily as well, and he likes to yell (though my mom always said this was because his hearing is probably not that great because he's spent so much time in loud environments.) BUT, another thing about my dad is that he's practically fearless. Except for heights, appararently, but I think he means like buildings-type-high, because when we moved in he was on the roof a lot doing stuff, so I can't imagine he really is.

And I realized, despite being like that, he always does stuff I'm scared of for me without being like "omg why are you scared, you suck."

Anyway, I was looking at causes of fear.
- Early childhood trauma
- Physiological disorders
- Genetics
- Social conditioning
- Inappropiate learning

Yeah, I don't know.
The weirdest thing is, a lot of my fears are new, and have stemmed in the past four years.
I didn't identify with being scared of everything when I was in year seven.

I also have conditional fears. Like, if I was on a bus, and there was a mosquito, I would freak out (I remember in oakhill there was one once, and I almost pushed Elena off the seat), but in other situations, I would also kill them with my bare hands. I don't understand myself!

I should also mention that phobias have to be irrational.
That makes none of my fears phobias, because I honestly think they're all rational.
(Irrational means deprived of reason, according to dictionary.com)

I hope I'll never be driving for a cockroach to show up on the dashboard or something.

I was also listening to Selena Gomez sing the one that got away.
I would say "oh her voice is practically lower than Justin Biebers"
BUT I DON'T THINK IT IS ANYMORE.
Congrats Justin.

I don't know why, but when I listen to things of her singing live, it just sounds like she's not trying, but everyone cheers like crazy anyway. All the comments are pretty much composed of "she can't sing" and "yes she can, you're just jealous". She can sing, she just can't sing well. I think she has a nice voice, but she doesn't even sound like she's out of breath, she sound like she just can't be bothered singing harder.

And this kind of things really annoys me. Especially when they pretend to say sorry, but they word it to mean "sorry you got upset" and not "sorry I said that". Why is she even an MP if the only thing important she has to say to newspapers is that migrants smell?

And is it just me, or has Malia Obama grown a lot? She's the same age as my sister, actually. I think she's taller than me now.

I've done absolutely no work in the past two weeks now -sigh-

And I really, really don't like summer, and am not enjoying the weather at the moment.

I can't bring myself to do any work :(

Thursday, I guess :/

2012-01-08T19:48:00.002+11:00

They discontinued my favorite pen!!!!!

Why!!!!!!!????

I don't think I can ever have teh exam writing speed I used to, I don't think I can ever write pretty again :( It was just the coles one lol. And I noticed, they're trying to pass these papermate ones as a no frills brand. :( :( :( And I went to bi lo as well, and they weren't there either :( :( :(

Um, and I just forgot everything I was going to say today.

I drove an hour today. It was nice. I'd live if I had to drive to somewhere by myself. Probably.

I remember what I was going to say now.

Today, my mom told me to stop watching Big Bang Theory, because I was becoming more like Sheldon, and that it was undesirable.

Because it's suddenly thundering crazy, here are a few moments I thought were akin to thunder-wow.

1. That moment where you have cockroach confrontation.
2. That moment you pass a car, and then realize how close you really were to it whilst driving.
3. On the driving thing, when you reverse park and hit the curb.
4. When someone doesn't answer on msn for ages, and you kind of think "did you get lost walking to your kitchen or are you ignoring me?"
5. When you're standing and the bus stops. This is really scary on the epping bus, even when you aren't standing. Little people go flying.
6. Train doors closing when you're on the wrong side.
7. Loud door slams. Loud book slams. Loud anything slams.
8. When people drum too loud. (Of course, this is subjective.)
9. Balloons. Bursting.
10. Fireworks! They sound like gun shots! It's awful!

Nowadays, whenever I have a sub-par blog post, I feel like I have to make a gif or something.

List of songs to serenade with

2012-01-07T14:51:00.002+11:00

I think serenading or being serenaded would be the most embarassing thing ever, but here's a list of songs I think would be nice, if you're feeling the need to sing a song for your significant other, and don't know what to sing.

"I'll be yours" - Those Dancing Days

"This Will Be Our Year" - Memoryhouse

All of the beatles ones.
The most appropiate include hold my hand, all my loving, can't buy me love, and all those ones.

CLOSE TO YOU - Carpenters
If I ever had to serenade someone I would choose this song.
Because it fits my voice.

Girls - How can I say I love you
Okay, obviously not this one, but I've never heard this acoustic version before, it's even nicer than the first one I heard! I didn't realize how sad this song was.
Oh no, this is so sad!

I would conditionally put into my arms here, but it's not a good song, it's not possible to sing it uncreepily, the only reason I think it's good is because I've typed it so many times on typeracer, and it's a really smooth passage to type.

Oh, I just remembered, there's a really lovely rendition of true love will find you in the end, by Basia Bulat, but there isn't a non-live version on youtube, and uploading mine probably isn't legal. Tangent.

I don't know how to annotate this, but it's okay, no one clicks/listens to these things anyway, this blog post is just a things-I-don't-want-on-my-musical-tumblr-dump.

I'm Ready - Allison Weiss.
Okay, I think I'm losing it and none of these songs are right anymore.
I was going to put I was an Island as well, but I couldn't tell if it was supposed to be post break up or sad or what.

Okay, I can't think of anything else, here's a video of Take it All with spanish and UMBRElLAS, there are umbrellas!

Kyck! Which I probably won't go to this year because Fefca!

I'm going somewhere tonight, so happy evening!

2012-01-06T18:42:00.004+11:00

I'm never watching Dr. Who.

And oh my goodness, typeracer is so weird.
IS THIS BECAUSE I'M A GIRL (or am I just being presumptious) because this never happened when I was just R.
ALSO THE PEOPLE REQUESTING RACES, WHAT IS HAPPENING.

And the weirdest thing is, that guy really annoys me because he keeps race resetting, so I thought, "alright, I'll just beat him then go".

My face is normal again. Almost.
It's true, I think. What they say about, "if you have bad skin change your pillowcase every night".
Well, I don't technically have bad skin, I was having an allergic reaction to when my sister left coins in her pocket and clogged up the washing machine so it was washing with dirty water. And I washed my face with only water for almost two weeks now (or maybe it's almost one week, I'm not really sure), and it's absoltuely fine. Whenever I get told I have sensitive skin, I'm always like "whatever, you don't know my skin like I do!", but I think I'll believe it now. Yaaaay.

I've made so many flashcards now, that I'm starting to think, maybe I should've sorted them into topics too. And I'm not even done!

And!!!! If you read Harvard's blog last night.
I don't even know how to describe the Bunny Drop plot line. D:

And now I'm in a rush to post this to show Davy the screenshot, so maybe I'll add to this later.

(He agrees. And hahahaha, said when he played maplestory, he made a girl character, and got lots of free stuff from people.)

Enjoy this post title.

2012-01-05T11:42:00.009+11:00

Lat night, I couldn't sleep and wrote a zillion flashcards for economics.

And then after I took my earrings off, I'm not sure why and WOW I HAVE HOLES IN MY EARS.
I guess I never really realized because I've never really taken my earrings off and left them off. (I have this fear of them closing over, though idk why that concerns me because I never change earrings anyway.)

AND I'M CHANGING MY PIP yaaaay

It's going to be okay.

Looking at university things.

If I'm nestled in the median of the grade, I could do anything I woudl ever want to.

And can we all sing everything is ending when we graduate? Even though no one really watches doctor who. (Except Alysha and Josh Lee, I guess.) I still think it's scary.

And I should've organized my flashcards into topics, it's so confusing now. AND I think flashcards work, but I'm not for sure yet, because I'm not sure if I already knew my legal terms before.

I used to like going out, I don't know what happened.
I don't know if it's winter, or I just.
I DON'T KNOW.

What, it's not even winter, I think I meant summer

And today Luke was like "You could've gone to UNSW with ophelia and I" and I was like D:, but then I rememebered I felt horrible yesterday, so it's okay.

It's okay.
All work progress has almost slowed to a stop.
And I finally changed my typeracer name from R to Renee.

I don't know.

And I'm changing my pip topic, yay!!!!!

I made a gif, because, I don't know, I felt compelled to from the boring nature of this blog post. Image location (here) if you're special and can't see it. It's the northern lights!

2012-01-04T18:21:00.003+11:00

Is anyone else disapponted that the wendi_deng twitter account turned out to be fake?

Even though I think twitter stories in a newspaper are really sad, (seriously? And I read smh on my phon, not the daily telegraph).

And omg I can't type anymore. I can't make it over 120 consistently anymore and I'm never in the top 5. It's very upsetting.

And the Deborah Hutton thing. All I can think is "meh".
Why's everyone so annoyed? Everyone knows it's retouched.
I think I feel a lot better knowing things that are retouched.
I don't want pictures that are great anyway with "hey btw, this isn't retouched", why would that make people feel good anyway.

Actually, typing is a lot better now, I lied earlier unintentionally.

Also next year, (well, this year, I guess), feel free to ask me what time I slept.
I lie almost instinctively on this.

Well, not lie. When people ask, I'll usually just say "um after twelve", even if it was really "after two". ESPECIALLY when someone is like "oh I slept so late last night", and I'm like "me too, when did you sleep?" and they're like "oh, eleven-thirty", and I kind of freeze and quickly think of something to say.

You know what I realized? Life is so much better when you don't wear pants.
Then when you wear pants it's great as well.

2012-01-03T10:18:00.002+11:00

Today I read the first "it's hot" status on facebook.

AND THEN right underneath it, this girl who isn't the primary school best friend who moved away, but we were this trio before she moved away first, who moved to a school in Richmond, then moved to America, and now is in New Zealand posted a statue, saying "IT'S SNOWING!"

I don't even know what I should expect weatherwise anymore.

BUT it's okay because I'm inside all the time anyway, except when I'm hanging up clothes to dry.

Tomorrow I'm making flashcards yaaaay.

My legs hurt from doing absolutely nothing yaaaay.

I don't know what to say anymore, but it just seems nicely obnoxious to end sentences with yaaaay.

yaaaay.

2012-01-02T15:44:00.002+11:00

This morning (okay, after I ate breakfast it was twelve), I decided I could choose to either clean my room or finish reading Frankenstein.

That was really bad judgement on my part, I got a bit too adamant I wasn't going to read Frankenstein and overturned my room,a nd dumped everything in a cabinet, draw or whatever out onto the room floor. I should've specified cosmetic cleaning and not deep cleanse.

And because I rearranged my room, this one thing is in this little nook, which was just crazy annoying.

Anyway, my sister in year three (her year three) made this time capsule to open on October 29th 2011 and she opened it today, it was hilarious. And she wrote these little statements about stuff back then, one of them - "I think -certain person- is a show off and thinks she's the best" and then all these "trading cards" we made that year, the first year we moved into this house, and she was showing me, apparently all the ones I did pissed everyone off, like this that was called "olive" which was a green dot. AND SHE COULDN'T SPELL AT ALL THEN, (actually, I wonder if she can now, sometimes).

Anyway, this gave me an idea, to make a time capsule or well, something to read after HSC that I wrote before HSC. Which I'll do after I finish repacking my room, I guess.

Also, the spraying water on clothes to de-wrinkle totally works.
It doesn't have the same just-ironed feel (think blowdrying hair straight compared to straightening hair straight), but my mom always said that ironing worn clothes can iron sweat in so it smells funny forever. And it really does work!

And I found that booklet from when that guy from oxygen factory who kept lying to us and it was only girls came in and he was like "when you see find this booklet in a few years time, sorting through old stuff, it'll reinspire you, I've had so many people call me up whatever years later and thank me for it". Yes. It was a really stupid day. I thought, but I always think that when motivational speakers come, especially when they rave about people's lives they've changed.

I had summed up what he said in the day in one statement.

Dream big and fail, but don't forget to try again.

I also found the thing from Brent Sanders? I think that was his name about how to attack people and stuff. That was worthwhile. I kept his flyer.

I think I'll spend the rest of the holidays sleeping now.

So legarthic.

2012-01-01T19:23:00.002+11:00

Today I got to be around kids.

They're so tiny! I forget that I'm kind of really old!
And I said to my mom, "I can't imagine myself ever being that cute."
And :( She said, "you weren't."

And this one little boy, who was five, I thought he might be sad because everyone around him was a girl, but then I glanced at him and he was doing stuff, and I thought "cool" and did something and when I looked back at him. "Are you drawing an iphone?!" "Yes. It's the iphone 4S" and he proceeded to draw THE WHOLE SUITE. (Okay, I don't know if that's a microsoft-y term I just shoved onto apple.) He proceeded to draw an ipad, and the big screen i-computer thing (he told me what it was called, but I forgot), and a macbook air, and the big version of the macbook air. (As you can tell - not an apple enthusiast.)

And then I told him I was still a microsoft person, and I don't think he understood what I meant.

I live in a world where kids don't know what microsoft is.

I LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE KIDS HAVE IPADS! HE TOLD ME HE HAD AN IPAD.

And I told my mom, and she asked, "am I an awful mom for not getting any i-things for you?"

And I said no.

I guess the reason I'm not i-thinged, is because my dad isn't an i-person, and all his reasons for not i-joining make a lot of sense. I'll i-abstain for as long as I can. I think I'm just scarred from apple screwing stuff up for me in primary school. Multiple times. (The original imac-block thing with the ridiculous puck mouse. I still don't like apple mouses. Ick.)

Anyway, my only real resolution that I'm going to consciously try and do something about is sleep reform. And continuation of the ones I didn't complete, because it's not like they weren't good goals or anything, they were pretty realistic.

And we just took down our Christmas tree.
I never realized it had FRONDS, so many of them!

It's because I haven't set up (or taken down lol) the Christmas tree ever since we got a new one last year.

I drove to school today! Which is, I think, my biggest driving achievement as of yet, and I went through a multi-lane roundabout twice.

AND, I have more gif ideas, I think, maybe later.

Happy 2012!

HYNE2

2011-12-31T12:32:00.002+11:00

Here's a link to last years NYE post!
(LOL, notice how I accidentally wrote "it's my last 2011 blog post" - NOW it's my last 2011 blog post.)
Oh, and here's the year before - 2009's blog post!
I reread the thing about my mom being a prefect - I honestly don't remember her telling me at all. Lol, I used to write like such a. I just sounded stupid and self-important, haha.
AND WOW Tracy used to read my blog.

I think I'll just copy last year's format.
It was this survey JM and I made up on the just after 12 morning hours of NYE.

Things I've discovered
Honestly, I feel like this year is akin to year 9. I'll look back on it, and it'll just be this black hole that I don't remember at all. (Now that I think about it, I could read back on my blog, I mean, I blogged almost every day back then. I never read back though, idk why -shrug-)

Okay, things I've discovered.
I just sat here with my fingers poised wondering what to write.
Um.

It's normal to feel lonely sometimes.
It's okay to laugh uncontrollably. (My mom hates it when I'm like this, so I've always tried not to. For some reason, I just stopped this year.)
It's okay to drift away from people.

New interests
I honestly can't think of anything.
I feel like nothing happened this year.
I read smh every night in bed now.

I'm not sure if that's an interest though.
This isn't a new interest.

But I feel like I've gotten to know a lot of people this year, both at school and at church, and at the same time I've grown apart from people.

I think this year I treasured the relationships I have with people at church more than before (how do you even say that without sounding silly), and sometimes I kind of missed having our small group.

Favorite video watched:
For some reason, I just can't think of anything this year.
I enjoyed nerimon, Kristina Horner and vlogbrothers this year.
I don't have a favourite video, sorry.

Favorite song listened to:
Okay, so last year I put Ragged Wood and Ivy & Gold.

This year.... hmm. I wish I could link my whole tumblr, but I'll try to pick things out.
This is in backward recent-cy. So, the first things are the closest to now. Or should I be going chronogically? Okay, this is chronological! (Okay, turns out I only started posting music to my tumblr April-May ish. So many songs I've forgotten about!

- Barney Rubble! I forgot! I'm not linking these because I'm lazy.
Oh my gosh fire-somethings from my neighbor, I almost died, THIS IS WHY I'M SCARED OF FIREWORKS, they're like gunshots.
- Alex Day - Holding On. I like this more than that song he was trying to get to no. 1
- Starfield - Son of God
- Jesse Woods - Hounds of Heaven

CBB GOING THROUGH EVERYTHING.
I'm going to say Hounds of Heaven and Son of God.

Favorite game played:
Mr. Filewood's phone book game.
No, I'm kidding, I thought it was lame.
Even in theory.

Favorite book read:
Hey, today when I was getting my textas, I saw the dreams, aspirations and I forgot the other one book.
FROM YEAR EIGHT OR NINE OR SOMETHING.
WHEN JASON CHEN WAS HERE.
Wow. I shall read it tonight when I'm waiting for tv fireworks.

I'm not really answering these questions, am I.
I didn't read much this year, sorry, even if I did, they obviously weren't good enough for me to remember.

Favourite day of the week:
Wednesday, maybe.
There are too many doubles! I can't imagine what it's like to be my sister with 4 periods a day!
It'll most likely be Wednesday next year, regardless of what I have :)

Favourite movie:
PEARL HARBOR WOO

Favourite subject:
Maths! Forever my love! (I hope I'm still saying that next year)

I wrote that last year.
STILL MATHS.
I'LL LOVE YOU UNTIL YEAR 12 IS OVER.

Favorite word:
lovely.

First experiences:
- Being on a boat not to get somewhere
- Gosh, I can't think of anything else
- I'm sure there are many
- That I just forgot
- DRIVING
- Blazers
- M60

Unexpected events:
Oh, I put winception for last year :')
- That change of math class!
- M60!
- Sleeping after school EVERY SINGLE DAY

Regrets of 2011
I DON'T KNOW I CBB ANYMORE.
I'm going to say.
Stopping flute. Mini-regret.
There are pros and cons.

New friendships of 2011:
That's weird if I just list out people here.
WHAT IF THEY DON'T THINK I'M FRIENDS WITH THEM.

Discoveries of 2011:
Social sciences suck.
I'm not even sure if I'm kidding or not.

Proudest achievement:
Driving :) :) :) :)

Happiest memory about 2011:
HEY, remember when we had two camps in year ten.
Going home.
I enjoy going home. And the process of going home.

Worst memory about 2011:
I'm mixing up 2010 and 2011.
I don't know.
I'll keep by the concept of if I can't think of anything, it wasn't that bad.

2011 resolutions:

- Sleep reform for real.
- Maths
- There shall be no more

(LOL, I actually had about 12, I wrote down.)

2012 resolutions:
I just lost the game.

2011-12-30T14:14:00.004+11:00

edit:// I linked the images, but in case I forget, you can always right click, view image!

I didn't mean to change the blog layout :(

What hapepned was, upon another blog I wanted to start, I inflicted hte changes on THIS blog, and then lost all the old blog stuff, and I redid it. It looks so... tacky and purple-bruisy -sigh-

More gifs I made last night to offload, haha.

2011-12-29T18:15:00.003+11:00

Honestly, I don't even know what to make gifs of anymore.
And uh. Woops, I forgot to make it smaller again, sorry.

I don't just make gifs of guys from eurovision.
I did attempt to make a harry potter one, and a Josh Sundquist emu-sneeze one and a few others as wel, but becuase I'm experimenting with batch edits and scripts, they all failed, and I couldn't be bothered salvaging.

2011-12-28T22:55:00.003+11:00

Okay, so despite the laughability of this video, (gif time!)

"Put your hearts in the air,
you gotta love being you ...

Why should I care what they say,
Just want them out of my way
'Cause I'm the king of my own life."

Guys, we're the kings of our own lives.
We get to choose what we want to do, what we want to devote our lives to, what to like, what to dislike, what we agree with, what we don't, what to put time in, what to ignore, what to commit to.

I think I've forgotten that these holidays.

LOVE BEING YOU and remember, you're the king of your own life, you get to choose what to do with it! And I think that's amazing, having choice and ability to decide what you want to do is amazing.

(Someone remind me when I'm drowning in maths next year.)
edit:// wow, that post looked so short on my editor, but when I looked at it on the actual blog page, it looks quite... substancial. I should've resized the gif, sorry!

2011-12-27T15:54:00.004+11:00

edit:/
HAND FLICK AT :58 LOL

I have surpassed my fifteenth driving hour, yay!
Which brings my official dricing hours-ness to 35 hours!

Driving is a good thing for me.
It reminds me that there's more in the world to look forward to, and when I get back, I always feel like doing maths or something.

So much Pearl Harbor in the past three days.
So much. I think I'm going crazy.
The last three days has been pearl harbor, maths, driving and typeracer. With a little bit of frankenstein going on in it. I'm in the midst of frankenstein's creature telling it's story now. I found it extremely peculiar that he spoke, because, addmittedly from the Phineas and Ferb episode, I was lead to believe that the creature (I always thought the thing was called Frankenstein, lol), was an ugly, but kind hearted mute character. I didn't realize he spoke.

Shelley would be good at nanowrimo. She waffles beautifully, you don't realize until it's about two pages past.

Here's a blog survey. Idk what to write anymore.
Everyone do it. (Hey, are you supposed to tag people to do surveys, or is that youtube things and facebooks notes, because I'm NEVER tagged, obviously.)

What’s a question you’re afraid to ask? To whom?
I don't know. I can't think of any.
Boo.

What’s something you hide about your personality?
Extremely spiteful, extremely grudge holding.
Well, I don't try to hide it, I guess it just doesn't come out.

How do you deal with criticism?
I actually don't know!
Sometimes defensive, but, I think I'm rather unreceptive, actually.
I'll make these excuses up for the criticized things in my head, if that makes sense.
So, I'll excuse myself for things that I've done wrong.
This is bad.

What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?
Eurgh.
I don't want to answer this.
People have done some pretty nice things for me throughout my life.
Sometimes I feel a bit scrooge.

What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?
I don't know!
I feel very unsweet now.

What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?
I don't know.
But I was just talking about this the other day to someone else, after listening to What Makes you Beautiful. Serenading isn't sweet! It's humiliating! It's showing off!

Describe your favourite texture.
My face when it's really, really, really smooth, which is never nowadays.
It happens once a term or something. Okay, that sounded really vain.
I also like... rabbits. The feeling of a rabbit. I think I've only felt a rabbit a few times, maybe they all feel different, I don't know.

Trigger warning: Which national or global tragedy were you closest to and how did it affect you?
Okay. I honestly feel the same whenever I see tragedies. It's an awful thing. But the feelings I feel for each one are particularly the same, except for 9/11. I don't know why, and I don't know if it's a bad thing, but 9/11 kills me, every time I see things about it.

Post a photo/draw a picture/write a poem (pick one) of a moment of personal significance.
I'm trying really hard to think of a moment whilst my paint shop pro loads up.
Thoughts the first time I drove.

Which fictional character would you most like to have lunch with and why?
Danny. No, I'm kidding. Too much thinking for a school holiday night!
Mind is blank.
Um, um, um.
Eugene and Rapunzal from Tangled.
I think they'd be fun to have lunch with.
Tbh, I just can't think of anything.

Who would you say is your “anti” role model? Someone who serves as a warning rather than an inspiration?
Meeka Kitty.
What happened to her T-T
She turned from slightly awkard sympathizer to not being that cool to someone who pursues being cool, and IMPOSTERS as being a geek girl or something. I don't even know.
I just miss the old her.

What’s your least “politically correct” opinion?
I don't like the secularization of christmas.
People don't make up characters like Santa Claus for Hanukkah.
And the Easter bunny. Or maybe these things are justification for having a religious holiday as one of the biggest holidays in our country.

I don't even know.

What kind of underwear do you imagine Sherlock Holmes wears?
I watched one sherlock holmes thing, in I think english, and it scared the everything out of me.
Boxers - tartan.
Idk why.
If this was irl, it would be awkward.

What’s one of the most difficult things you’ve ever had to do?
The first thing that comes to mind is chinese school.
But tbh, when I think about DOE, I wouldn't be able to do it if I had to do it now, I'm pretty sure I'd faint.

Actually, there's more I can think of, but I don't want to talk about it.

If you were an element on the Periodic Table, which would you be and why?
Radon! Because Rn!! Ofc, I looked this up. There's an Re too, but I'd never heard of that one, so I thought I better stick with Radon. (Okay, I don't really remember hearing radon either.)

What’s the most infuriating thing your parents (or caregiver) do?
Every now and then, my dad and I get in these... spats.
He's a very big shouter when he wants to be, and he's very good at not listening too.
-shudder-

Which movie character do you most identify with and why?
I don't identify with movie characters, I really don't.

You’re an Action Movie Hero. What’s your weapon of choice and the line you scream when defeating your arch enemy?
Weapon of choice... Kim Possible's super suit, I mean, have you ever seen her lose?
Except then I would need a very flat stomach.
But disregarding that, I'll stick with the super suit, and I don't like defeating people if it means I have to hurt them! Can I skip this?

What’s the silliest fan theory you’ve ever come up with?
I'm sorry, I don't get this question.

What did you think about before you fell asleep last night?
Pearl Harbor. This always happens when I engage too intensely in watching a movie.

What motivates you in life?
Knowing that it gets better.
If not in this life, the next.

What was something you used to enjoy, but was ruined for you? What’s the story behind that?
Man vs Wild.
Bear Grylls is so annoying on twitter.
I can't even describe.
He's like that person who thinks everything they post is so interesting on facebook.
AND HE LIKES BOYS MORE THAN GIRLS.
MAINLY THAT.

How do you think you will fare when the Zombie Apocalypse arrives?
Is this from a movie?

Which mythological creature are you most like? Why? And if you could be any mythological creature, which would you want to be? Why?
A fairy. Because that's the first thing I could think of.
I'd still want to be a fairy.
Or a mermaid. Oh, why do you make me pick?
No, a fairy.
Can I be a princess?

Write a brief story about an actual adventure you’ve had.
I'm sorry, I don't do adventures.
I literally can not think of anything.
LOL, ONE TIME when I was little, I think about six or so, at a sleepover, we had planned what we were going to do when everyone was sleeping, and I FELL ASLEEP and in the morning, he said something in the kid version along the lines of "lol you fail."

Describe one of the most awkward experiences of your life.
I can't think of anything!
I must not have had that much of an awkward life.
Or it's holiday brain once again.

What’s something that scares you about the future?
I'm so lazy. I'm so, very, very, lazy.

List 5 quirky things about yourself.
I'm normal. I'm not quirky at all.
BUT, I shall list the qualities that have been listed from my society class that Sheldon Cooper and myself share.
- Mild OCD tedencies (I DIDN'T THINK OF THIS)
- Don't like hugs
- Being logical
- "Being weird" (I disagree, but I'll put it here anyway, it was on the list.)
- Direct (sometimes.)
- Dislikes present giving
- Scared of spiders
- Holds grudges
- Obsessed with safety
- Dislikes crowds.

The point of difference list is way longer, I promise.

Describe your dream library.
I don't like libraries, the rows of books make me feel enclosed, and creeped out.
My dream library would have lots of light, and windows BUT not shine on your eyes all the time like CH library. It wouldn't have carpet, and there would be no kids, and the reading area, would be kind of looking onto, on the fringes of, but not within the book area.

What’s the weirdest item you’ve ever mourned?
Oh, so many!
Third generation Pinky the tamagotchi, is the first that came to mind.

If you could design an amusement park ride, what would it be like?
I don't like rollercoasters. It would be a ride in a capsule that went underwater, not too fast, not too slow. Or a train, up the the clouds. That was slow. Well, medium paced.

Do you have any “rules” about food?
I don't like raw lettuce.
I used to never eat salad ever.
Now I eat it when I want my mouth to feel fresh so I don't mix food flavors up.

What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?
I don't have much of one.
I guess girls end up with older guys more than vice versa because of the maturity arguement or something.

But then I think. "Well, they'll probably die earlier too, and retire a lot earlier than you."
And that's. Possibly problematic.

I think when the difference is so much that you're in different phases of life.
That's a problem.

Describe a time/event in your life that you’re nostalgic for.
Certain periods of my life. I guess.

How do you approach social situations?
I'm not that great.
I'm really not. I try.

What is your ideal bed? Why?
Okay, before I would've said a big one.
But assuming this is by myself.

I would say, a king single.
I don't know, what do you want me to say?

Post a haiku based on your life.
Normal
at least for an
ABC

Best haiku I've ever written.

Uniquely 2011 things.

2011-12-26T12:41:00.003+11:00

Before I start, I'd just like to say, I got a MACBETH quote in typerace. And recognized it. Except I thought it was from Harry Potter or something, woops.

1. Typing-ness
I'm not sure how it happened. Okay, I lied, I do, it's from the very, very beginning of this year, I saw in this Keror supermovie this super fast typing guy and aspired to be like him.

2. Tamagotchi-phase
It died when I lost my tamagotchi on a 632.
That was also the first time I saw creeper Luke, and he was unsympathetic to my loss.

I never see him anymore!
And I swear, I had NEVER seen him before either.

3. I was going to say Bear Grylls, but well, that was from 2010, so it wasn't uniquely 2011.
I saw him irl though.
I've become a bit disillusioned.
He's an annoying tweeter. :(
Uniquely 2011 thing - becoming sad about Bear Grylls.
And sbs, you aren't really helping either, but playing the same episodes over and over again.

4. I can't wear non-neutral colored clothes anymore.
I'm not sure how it happened.
I remember wearing a pink dress to Michelle's party, but that was a neutral colored one.
Suddenly I just can't wear bright colors anymore.
It's sad, I don't know how it happened.

5. Driving!
Driving reminded me strangely of when Ophelia and I were like "okay, we're going to get our ears pierced together" and never did.

After driving, my arms, usually more the right always hurts.
I bet bus drivers have really big biceps.

And I always feel a short moment of belonging when I see another L-plater whilst driving.
And then my mom says the cantonese equivalent of "lol, another noob."

6. Really hard maths.
This is actually uniquely 2011.
I've never found maths hard to the point where I've felt quite helpless.
I'm so thankful for my tutor, who explains everything in baby steps to me.
I think I've reached my maximum math brain capicity.

7. Occupation speculation.
I feel like I've done that a lot this year.
I still don't know. I know deep down that I'm going to be bored out of my brain and unfulfilled being a primary school teacher. But it still seems like a viable option, I guess.

To be honest, I really wish I wasn't afraid of blood, vomit, and everything in between, so I could be a nurse or midwife. But not a doctor. I'm sorry. I have this sexist view that doctors are men. And I wouldn't want to be the one in charge.

8. M60!
It started around March this year, I believe! At first, I thought "oh, I won't really be catching it much - I'm lazy and don't want to walk to tafe", but just like I had said "oh, I won't really be catching epping much, there are so many kids", there's been somewhat of a proliferation in my m60 trips.

It's nice. And winter-frosty air-conned.

9. Weird movie binges.
I've had that a lot this year.
It's bad. There have been many tears in the wee hours of morning over not-even-that-sad films.

9.5 Weird documentary binges.
In an attempt to be more educational, I swapped the prior to documentaries. Unfortunately, I've switched back now.

10. The mobile phone phenomenon.
When I was younger. I'd read in the car, I'd read in the bathroom, I'd read when I got up, and I'd read before I slept.

I technically still do... just facebook, twitter, and everything on sydney morning herald. On my phone.

11. I'M SO BORED.
I've felt like this for most of the year.
This is actually quite uniquely 2011.
School is boring.
I feel like the rest of my life will just be boring.
I'm too boring to be bothered to do something non-boring.

Only boring people get bored.

12. BORED.

13. now I just ruined my whole blog post.

> PUBLISH POST

I have all these unfinished Christmas posts, but I don't really have time to finish them, so here's a Christmas survey!

2011-12-25T12:51:00.004+11:00

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?
Wrap if prism (now that I have beautiful wrapping skills)
Gift bags for everything else

2. Real tree or artificial?
I've always had an artificial one. Do people do real trees in Aus.? I think I would get hayfever, and bugs!

3. When do you put up the tree?
Whenever someone remembers! Usually some time in th elast week of school.

4. When do you take the tree down?
I actually don't know, now that I think about it, but I think it's usually down by my birthday.

5. Do you like eggnog?
I've never had eggnog, but on wikipedia - milk and eggs. Both things I don't like by themselves. Probably not.

6. Favorite gift received as a child?
I don't remember :(
My big bible which I still use, I guess, that's the one that's been around for the longest. I've never appreciated it more until now where small text kind of uncomforts my eyes.

7. Do you have a nativity scene?
Yes! I got it when I was Mary for a Live Nativity at a Boys Ranch Town in Oklahoma. Those were some of the best days of my teenage years: Bad boys playing Joseph to my Mary. Fantastic. I was pregnant Mary on the way to Bethlehem and my friend and I alternated in 15 minute shifts because it was snowing and so cold. She went first and got bucked off the donkey (it was a LIVE Nativity with real camels and such). BUCKED OFF A REAL LIVE DONKEY. When it was my turn, I just stood NEXT to the donkey. I'm no dummy. Anyways, they gave me a Nativity Scene for helping them out. Ha!! They didn't know that my gift was being around all of those boys during my boy crazy time.

^That's obviously not me, but I thought it was hilarious, so I'll keep it here just for you to see.
I've never had a nativity scene. I always see the one outside the mormon church and it's always hte same, I always want to see what it's like inside and what they do! Just like how I've always wanted to see what they do at a Catholic church!

8. Hardest person to buy for?
I hate buying presents.
Everyone is almost equally hard.

9. Easiest person to buy for?
I don't want to answer this. Stop asking me these questions :(

10. Mail or email Christmas cards?
I don't get neither. Yay for me.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?
It was from a Secret Santa at school. It was a salt shaker that had been turned into Mrs. Clause. There was no pepper shaker. Just the salt shaker. That's all. And it was one of those little glass ones that you might see at Denny's or something. There was also no salt. Just the shaker.

HAHA, I don't know who this person is, but I like her. I'm not sure about myself. I don't remember these things.

12. Favorite Christmas movie?
I don't like Christmas movies! That or I haven't seen one I like yet.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?
Never. I only go once if I really have to.

14. Ever recycled a present?
I don't remember!!!!!
Probably.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?
I really don't like turkey and ham. I've never liked it any other day of the year, so why should I have to like it on Christmas? I'm going to say apple sauce. Apple sauce is my favorite Christmas food.

16. Clear lights or colored lights on a tree?
We have colored lights. I'd prefer clear, but my sister and dad did all the Christmasy shoppy stuff a few years ago.

17. Favorite Christmas song?
I'm glad you asked :)
O Holy Night. It used to be Angels we have heard on high. I think I told Joshua Lee about 201826501 times during the span of IST, and now it's changed.
I have a lot of secular ones I like too, but I don't like the ones involving Santa, idk why. I like most of the winter-yay ones.

18. Travel at Christmas or stay at home?
I can't remember being away for a Christmas! I feel like maybe I have been once in hk, but I don't remember.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer?
Yes. And I have to look it up every year because when I write my kids back as if I were Santa, that's one of the questions they ask.

Can I keep the previous person's responses? Will you guys get confused?
We used to have this annoying Christmas CD with songs about Santa Claus and losing front teeth and stuff, and this one song had all reindeer names, but I can't remember.
Dasher, Comet, Blitzen, Darling, Rudolph.
That's all I remember. Actually, I'm pretty sure Darling isn't one of them lol.

20. Angel or star on top of the tree?
We have a star. We've always had a star, just because we've never had an angel. (What?)
My sister likes to reiterate how she got the star somewhere for 20 cents EVERY YEAR, and use this as a basis for being the one who puts it on. (She's not even tall enough, what is this.)

21. Open the presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas morning?
I open them when I get them. As in, the afternoon I get them.
I don't get that many Christmas presents though, so -shrug- I don't really know.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year?
EVERYTHING that doesn't involve carols, baby Jesus and food.
Okay. That was. I just don't want to go and list.

23. Favorite ornament, theme, or color?
My sister forced a silver and red bauble theme on us this year!!!! I hate it!!!!
There's a little corner of the tree where she allowed me to put on all the other reject baubles.

And the tinsel is slipping off slowly. Lol.

24. What do you want for Christmas?

All I want for Christmas, is youuuuuu - no I'm just kidding, that's weird.
I WANT MY 154 WPM HIGH SCORE :( :( :(

I couldn't pass the weird captcha speed confirmation test, so I don't get to have my new high score :(

HAVE A SAFE CHRISTMAS!

Obligatory year in review that will continue all week till the new year.

2011-12-24T09:20:00.003+11:00

I think we should kick it off with: -

TOP GRIPES OF '11

1. Juniors on buses.

I can't describe how much this has started to annoy me this year! I feel ashamed to be one of those people who find them really annoying, but I don't care, I still find them annoying!

Okay, I should clarify that this is only the Epping bus. Which I've caught a lot less of in the last quarter of the year.

2. 365 projects.

I don't like 365 projects, most of the time. Although it's fair to note that my favorite person on flickr rose to relative fame from her 365, because she improved so much from it. No one usually does.

365 projects are like nanowrimo, they don't build your skill at all, rather test your commitment, and when you've finished, you feel like you have some grounds to think you're better than everyone else in the subject of what you did. But you aren't. I think that's the most humbling thing about nanowrimo. I think especially after the second (and third, that's all I can speak for) you do it, you realize at the end. Hey. I'm still a really crap writer.

The problem with 365s is that because it's forced, you'll just keep doing what you're doing JUST LIKE NANOWRIMO. Except then they're publicized, which annoys me.

But apart from all that, 365s for the sake of collating memories and stuff are pretty cute.

3. Youtubers past loved.

Okay. This isn't a gripe for all of them. But there have been a LOT for me this year. I'll just list them and not talk about why.
Communitychannel, Tiffany Alvord, Michelle Phan, iJustine kind of, nigahiga, I was going to put kevjumba - but I NEVER watched him, and I don't like him at all except for his dad, I find him really, really irritating, the video guy, I forgot his name, the one who got his account suspended for a while. DL knows. (Ray something something? Okay, I never "loved" him, but I did use to watch him) Meekakitty (I MOURN FOR THIS ONE), electricfaeriedust (well, I would love her if she uploaded, I just see occassional tweets from her about what she's eating or studying now. College life), Rachhloves (but I only watched her because I first saw her when she was telling her engagement story, and because she says "hello pretty ladies"), rocketboom (what even happened?)

4. Mean bus drivers

I've had a lot more this year. I used to love all my oakhill drivers. I guess it's because I only had to get on and off the bus, and I didn't have to talk to them or anything. I'm sure there are many nice bus drivers.... Like the one that drove Arjuna and I home when our bus didn't come!

5. Sarah Jessica Parker horse comparison

I just can't see it. I feel like I'm missing out.

6. Patterned tights with the school uniform.

Graaurgh. I don't know why, but my brain thinks they look... hooker-ish.
I DON'T KNOW WHY, just throwing it out there. Because it draws attention legs? I don't know, I really don't, but I don't like them. And when patterned tights have a ladder - another gripe.

7. Going to hesitantly put Junior Eurovision here.

I just don't like performing kids when they look pageanty. And they almost ALL do. I told eurovision boy no. 1 this (because he was the one who told me it was on, okay, I'm confusing which one it 1 and which is 2), and he was like "but it's still eurovision!", but I just can't love it.

8. Pulp.

I don't know like why people like it. Ick. Also, when you drink asian soup and there's random things at the bottom, I hate that too.

9. When people mess up my books.

This one is a bit OCD. It's mainly my tutor. She just writes all over my pages, and her handwriting is is a scrawl twice the size of mine and sometimes she uses ink pens and it just goes everywhere. Yuck. And Rebecca did a few times lol, and ISAAC, except I made him do stuff in pencil. I guess this isn't a gripe, it's just a dislike. Okay, gripe for my tutor.

10. Home alone 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, etc.

I don't like them. I don't like how people keep getting hurt in an excessively ouchy way in them. It's this weird conditioning of sadistic humor in kids. I don't like it. (Okay, honestly, I've only watched 1+2).

I think ten is enough, tomorrow it should be a good one to contrast the complain-y nature of this one. (Well, gripe means complain, right?) Okay, I don't know if I'll actually have time tomorrow - so have a happy and safe holiday, everyone!

Take care!

+ ONE MORE PET PEEVE/GRIPE

Songs where people post really deep-ish along the lines of "makes my whole brain ache", "makes me remember the sweet smells of my sister's hair" (idk, I made that up on the spot) and I listen to it and the only thing I can think is. "COME ON, do something, long introductions make me want to stick needles in my arm, this is like a when you stick a biscuit into tea too long and it becomes flaccid and yuck!"

2011-12-23T16:06:00.002+11:00

I just got back from my little holiday and wow.

The ball is moving - for everything! I had about ten emails all for sp in my inbox, and Tim's finished reading Frankenstein, and I have all this maths my tutor gave me (lol, it's actually not a lot) that sits piled on top of all my textbooks. Which looks very tall.

So yes, a lot of stuff to read, a lot of stuff to do, but I'm glad it'll be a productive summer. And my neighbors sent me a christmas card saying they're excited for me to babysit next year which made me a little nervous because I realized, I've never babysat before! I don't think my sister counts, haha. And glad they're both girls though. I'm a little... scarred isn't the right word - one degree off scarred by the time these little boys from my church came to my house and they all jumped on me at the same time and I couldn't get them off and no one would save me. EVEN JONO CHAN the perfechanist who I've actually never really talked to, just laughed at me :(

But yes. I have nice neighbors now, which is... nice. At my old house, we had no one at the back, at one side we had these greek? neighbors who always had friends over, who I never really knew, and on the other side a grandma named Margaret. And her scary dog from which my fear of dogs stem from :(

Also, the beaches we went to had super white sand (which was almost blinding, apparently one of them had the "whitest sand in the world", idk), and then that night we watched this getaway special on the best beaches of Australia, and all the yellow sand just looked dirty. And I got SUNBURNT!!!!! (This has honestly never happened to me before.) Because someone forgot to bring our pump-sunscreen, and I spent the three days scarcely smearing the stuff I put on my face on my shoulders. Yesterday I was super dark, and I had this swimsuit tanline, and this morning, I looked at my shoulders again, and it was almost completely faded! I don't even know what to think!

I'm kind of glad to be home the place we were staying at was a little creepy because it was so big, and I had way too much bonding time with my sister. No joke. It got to the point where we started ignoring each other when we were in the same room even though we hadn't had a fight. I hope marriage isn't like that. I FELT LIKE I WAS IN A BAD MARRIAGE, where I kept passively getting annoyed at her, even when I slept in the same bed as her. (lol, no joke, there were six beds in the house, my parents slept in this queen bed with an ensuite on one side of the house - then there was the other side. With five beds. And my sister and I ended up in a king bed because she's EVEN MORE SCAREDY CAT THAN ME, not even joking). I understand that Rihanna song California King Bed now.

Also, I read this, and even though it's for college students. A lot applies to us now in our last year, I suppose.

Another thing. Do you just wake up and decide you don't want long hair anymore?
I had that in 2010. And I've had almost two years of anti-long-hair (on myself).
Because today, I just woke up and felt like I wanted layers. Possibly entailing long hair.

-shrugs- It'll go away, I'm too scared of hair dressors for now, and I can only blunt cut.

And watch the summer all the time phineas and ferb super episode! It might inspire you to do stuff.

And reading Eunice losing her ipod.
This seems quite trivial - but I thought I lost this shirt half way through, and we went back to fishing places we'd been at, and turns out I had tucked it away at a safe place, so we went fishing again and failed.

Yes. After a whole three days of baring my legs 24/7, they are now uniformly one color.
I imagine I'll just hide them indoors for the next five weeks, and they'll become uniformly pale.

TIME TO DO MATHS OR SOMETHING.
Bye!

And haha, I keep seeing people's out-and-about photos on facebook, and I'll think "I should go out more". And then I think realize. I'm too lazy, dislike travelling and am always the party pooper who brings out the "I want to go home to sleep and watch niche documentaries uploaded in sections on youtube :(".

IN OTHER NEWS I CHANGED THE SIDE OF MY PART and now my hair is magical.
Enthralling excerpts of my life.

2011-12-19T19:46:00.002+11:00

Today, after ages of seeing everyon'e shiny diaries for ages, and always wanting to add dates to a diary (first Wendy, then Beatrice's really pretty one, then Lena's korean one today), I got a diary. It's pretty on the outside and not on the inside, but it's okay, I'll live. Remind me to use it.

I'm in this flurry of packing atm, (I'm going to the south coast from tomorrow till friday!), so I thought. I'm going to make a list of boys that have made me want to have a son. (Not that I don't want a daughter! I think because I'm a girl, I don't get that "ngaw, I want a daughter" feeling, but I think I'd love to have a daughter just as much! This seems so biased now.)

1. I just remembered this one whilst packing. The little boy from Mr. Bean's Holiday! This is a little video with him behind the scenes.

2. Josh Hutchernson in Bridge to Teribithia. Here's a (quite sad) video with him from that movie.

3. Opera boy.

4. Oh damn, I'm having trouble remembering them all now. A lot of these are people in real life, so I can't say :(

5. William from Kids React!

6. I just re-remembered how creepy this is. So uh, here's a video of a totally vocal forever yours - if I had itunes I would buy this before it disappeares on christmas day :(

There are actually a lot more, but I just keep forgetting. It's okay.

I haven't done any work yet, aside from reading three chapters (lol, like fifteen pages) of frankenstein! I find it interesting that Shelley writes in a male character. I've never done that. Just because I can't imagine how boys/men think.

I also realized I spent $4.60 on transport today. Which would be what it'd cost to get me to school everyday wow. The world would be a lovelier place if public transport was free.

Also, my mom said that her favorite movie was pretty woman, when I'd always thought it'd been you've got mail.

AND LOL OH MY GOSH,
When I was going to the station this morning, I happened to see these windows above the newsagency, I think, and it usually had blinds, but one had a christmas tinsel thing, and get this, the other had this cardboard cut out of Michael Jackson in a santa suit, and it was pretty realistic, I got scared when I first say MJ smushed up against the window.

2011-12-18T19:05:00.003+11:00

You know, I've kept thinking that I went to hong kong at the beginning of this year.
But I was talking to my mom about it, and I didn't! I think about it more clearly, last holidays was when everyone went to France, and Jason Ma went to his science camps! I went to hk the year before, so it's been two years now! Wow!

And hey guys, I finally remembered to set it so that my blog has a mobile version! I always remember... when I'm on my phone.

I cbb saying anything else that I thought I was going to say.

So here's a super up close picture of Chanel Iman, to remind you that perect skin is a product of retouching.

2011-12-17T11:12:00.003+11:00

I know absolutely nothing about guns, except that this wouldn't end well, the way she's leaning back like that.

I'm so annoyed at how disillusioning movies and everything are about guns.
I first kind of realized when I watched Mythbusters, but Carrie's quite okay with them, and then I watched youtube videos. Guns are akin to fireworks.

I look at my year seven's facebook photos, and wow. It almost reminds me of when I was in year seven. Year seven was one of the happiest moments of my life, I think, but if I were back in that situation, I wouldn't be happy. Exactly the same for year eight. Year eight started off weird, because it was all funny and class-muddled, but towards the middle and end, I was so happy. So happy, it was such a young happiness.

Also, this woman from my mom's work got let go just before christmas, and we were talking about how horrible it was. (Almost the exact same thing had happened to my mom at the same place about a year ago, where she was put on probation, and there actually wasn't a position, they just wanted people to temporarily fill in spots). And my dad said hahaha, the only time he had ever gotten fired was when he was a salesman (where he had to be facial product model because he was the only male in a whole company of women) and he said he couldn't sell anything, because he was a guy and the stuff was horrible, and he went out to get a hair cut when he was supposed to be selling stuff, and went back and got fired for not working.

And yesterday, I was looking at economics stuff, and I was thinking, "man, I don't even remember the last thing I did in economics," when I realized. We haven't been properly to school in two weeks. I haven't had a class in the last week that's had more than one serious lesson except for legal.

Also, I drove a full hour for the first time since driving with my parents! Which brings my parental-charperone driving to a grand total of three hours. But it's okay, it's getting better, my mom said I'm doing a lot better than she thought I would, even though she stops me every now and then to "take a break", and I gave her this big mirror from one of Rachel's VA works, so now she can rear view mirror if she feels like she has to. But, I realized. I get a little car sick when I drive. I don't know if its the nervousness or adrenaline or just motion sick. Or maybe I ate before. I can't really tell.

And I'm going to re-flute again this evening!!!!

And every year I see carols in the domain, I'll be like "I HAVE TO GO ONE YEAR".
The closest thing I've been to is... carols in boronia park, haha.

Now I'm just waiting for smurfs to finish, and then it starts!

I should take a photo of our christmas tree. Rachel showed me a picture of hers, and I was like "oooh, I think I took a photo of ours too!!!" Turns out I'd only taken a photo of it when my sister had only set up the base and the lowest layer of green-ness.

2011-12-16T11:15:00.002+11:00

I feel so slack on posting, because everyone seemed to make a last day of school/christmas day post and I started one but never finished.

And LOL on Wednesday, I thought it was Friday, and this website that posts special things on Friday didn't post and I was like "awww, come on, just because it's within a fortnight of Christmas", and then the next day (yesterday - thursday) I thought exactly the same thing, and now it's finally up, haha.

My room is so awful! I almost wish I could just pay someone to clean it for me.
I don't even know where to start.

I started reading Frankenstein (really, just started, I've only read about 3 pages), and I'm not sure if I started at the right place! Because on the bus on Wednesday, when I challenged Tim to a book reading race (which he declined), he read the first page at least three times, and announced himself to be savoring it's loveliness. (Or the manly version of what I just said.) And I read the first page, and it wasn't that... worth savoring. The way it's written is lovely though, at the moment, at least.

In extension english, before I dropped it, we watched this three week long documentary thing on the genre Science Fiction, and Frankenstein was briefly talked about in it. And from what I gained, Frankenstein is the equivalent of an older female teen's nanowrimo. Oh, I also watched Phineas and Ferbenstein in preparation for reading the book. I don't think that episode really told me anything I hadn't preconceived about the book already. On wikipedia, quite interestingly, also refers to the fact that it was called "Frankenstein, or The Modern Prometheus". It's weird that things I did in extension english are now kind of coming into fruition.

And ugh, even though I drink gallons of water usually, in the holidays, I just forget to drink water and eat fruit. It's horrible. And so begins my holiday of antisocial and dehydration.

And I used to listen to this song a lot when I was younger (I was reminded of it, because I was reading past diaries and I used to write what song I was listening to while writing. I should post the picture I took of them, there are so many now, it's weird to know that my whole high school life (well, minus year seven) are contained in these ten books.)

SO NOSTALGIC.

Oh, and I read William's post. I was dux in year six too. With two other people. (At least I think I was, now I feel like I've remembered something wrong, because I can't exactly pin point who the two other people were, I think one was a girl who went to CTech, and the other went to girraween, but I'm not entiiiiiirely sure, maybe I just imagined I was dux, what? SO CONFUSED, I better ask my mom when she comes home.)

Also, why does no one celebrate Kwanzaa of Hanukkah in Australia?
(Okay, so Kwanzaa is kind of impossible, because if you were African American, you wouldn't be in Australia, or you'd be African Australian? I don't know how that works.)

Oh, what a year it's been!
So many new people, and the weirdest thing is. Life just going on without all the people who left. And no doubt, life for them will have just gone on too.

Also, I just lookd up what a pillow pet is, because Milly and Rachel were talking about them.
They're so creepy!

Okay, I should finish cleaning my room now. I have a bad habit of half cleaning and then just leaving it, but I really should get it done, so it won't be an excuse to not do work, and so I can come back to a neat lovely room after the holidays!

Bye!

2011-12-14T19:59:00.002+11:00

I had a teary moment watching the new New Girl episode! At the lights part, and afterwards, I tried to analyse why I did, because, I don't know, I thought "this could be a pointer to an underlying unhappiness with life or something", but idk. Why do they always make Nick stop being annoying at the end of the episode, that's always when his redeeming moment is. And I'm sad that there won't be more Paul, I liked him. I wouldn't recommend the show though, even though I'm growing fond of it.

Oh gosh. I'm going to cry at grad, even if I think I won't in the morning, and then my mom will see me and laugh. I can feel it already, just like year six, haha. And now that I think of it. That day was the last time I saw any of the people in my primary school on purpose.

Christmases and new years past.

When I was younger, we had christmas family dinners. Which I'm doing this year as well, but THERE'S THIS ONE REALLY ANNOYING KID COMING. My mom was like "he's probably grown up a bit now", but no, she said that last time as well. He's hilariously annoying. No, he's just annoying. It's weird, because I remember very clearly visiting his mom in hospital when he was born, and I remember when his parents were post-him, haha. More memories of childhood lol.

And last year, I had christmas with these people I didn't even know, it was kind of weird, I remember it to be hot though. Last year, I remember half of new year's at Beatrice's (which was hot too!), and then the rest at those guy at my church's house (the actual new year part, I think Beatrice went to see fireworks at that point for real, haha), and then I remember everyone making a facebook status at the same time.

Ahhhhh, nostalgia, everything-ia. After writing christmas notes, I keep thinking about the past. I keep forgetting how great I've had it in high school, it's been so kind to me compared to primary school, even though I keep having "omg high school is awful" moments (usually in hard math periods). I think I have a lot of distinct periods of high school each year. Except for year 9. Nothing happened in year nine. It's this hole in my high school years I just forget about, I seriously can't remember anything in year nine, except for duke of ed and mrs kwan. AND THEN getting sectioned out of this class. It was cruel. Year ten was lonely, it was just Rachel and me for the whole year, and I remember getting even worse at science, and having to ditch our prac and borrowing jason lim's results a lot.

AND LOL watching Maria video, there are so many more dramatic-opera moments than I remember, I counted 15 at about half way through, until I stopped because I realized I was counting every screen-change. I really like the video, just because it's so... I don't even know how to describe it. I'd rather have a song like that written about me than something bruno mars-y like just the way you are. And I think there are seriously no photos of that guy with short hair. And when I look up "Amaury Vassili short hair", one of the people who come up is... HEXACHORDAL. What?? And Emma Watson.

Festive playlist

2011-12-13T20:03:00.003+11:00

Despite always saying jones is mean.

He was actually really nice to me in economics.
(Well, I assumed all his "it's okay, this isn't the end of the world", and "this is only the first of many more to come" and encouraging but not really comments were directed at me, lol, there were only four of us.)

-shudder- it could've ended so badly. -fingers crossed for tomorrow-

Anyway, I thought I'd compile a list of christmasy songs.
Or just songs I've found in December that aren't great enough to be tumblred.

She and Him - Sleigh Ride (I think after listening to Zooey Deschanel's voice you can never unremember her voice, and anywhere you here it, you just know it's her.)

Florence and the Machine - Last Christmas (this is a rough radio thing. I'm not a Florence and the machine fan, but this is nice, because it's sad.)

Amy Winehouse - I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus (super ambivalent)

O holy night!!!! This is my favorite christmas carol (or angels we have heard on high, I can't decide)
"King's College Cambridge", Nsync, Charlotte Church, I would link Josh Groban, but I cbb.

Michael Buble - All I want for Christmas is You (I think this is new, but I'm not sure) oh, and while we're at it, here's his Santa Baby

Alexander Rybak eeeee, I've forgotten about him for a while - Let it snow, The Christmas Song, I've never heard this song, tbh, but let's just have it here anyway.

Diana Krall - Fly me to the moon - not christmas, but I don't care

Amaury Vassili - Maria - it could be christmas, we just don't know.

The Fray - Oh come, oh come, emmanual. Oh my, I think I have a new favourite christmas carol - I didn't realize this was a christmas song. I forgot about this song, song of my childhood.

I'm stuck. Oh, and mistletoe!!!!

Night!

2011-12-12T23:27:00.003+11:00

I think my favorite secular christmas song is All I want for Christmas is You, and O Christmas Tree.

I don't really know what to say today, so here's an adorable short film, that I saw on the SBS schedule, and I was like "I want to watch that, but it's on at 11.25" because I thought it was a documentary. Turns out it was a little short film, and I ended up watching it just then - 11.40.

"My First Crush"
Using interviews with people about their first encounters with love, their animal counterparts tells their stories of humor and heartache. This was my graduation film at Kingston University. Animated By Julia Pott, Music, Sound Design by Christopher Frost.

1100

2011-12-11T15:29:00.002+11:00

My mom told me that next week, we would be going to the optometrist.

Which makes me nervous. Because all of my optermetrist experiences have been bad - except for the first one - but that one was technically bad too, because I found out I didn't have good vision. I really don't like going to the optometrist because:
1. I always blink when they shine lights and they get annoyed at me.
2. When I can't see words and they're just blobs, they'll be like "just guess". And I'll be like "but I can't see anything." And they'll tell me to just guess. So I'll just guess O, O, O, C, O and then they get annoyed. Except that that's actually what I see, why do you do this to me?

And then my mom told me, "you really should/have to get new glasses so we can use up the healt fund which includes glasses for everyone." (Except my sister, I guess, who has 20/20 vision. I still think that I have a lesser eye because I got forcepped out, because I remember having one eye worse off even when I was about four. Except I thought that was normal.)

And have you seen that tumblr picture - about people asking to see your glasses, reluctantly handing them over, them being like "your vision's so bad!" (ofc, that's why I wear glasses)?

That isn't me. People always say "oh, your vision isn't that bad." I don't know, I know I have one eye that's better than most people, but the other eye is pretty dodgy and even when I wear glasses, it's no where near my good eye and that worries me, because my other eye is the middle of the road eye. Wearing glasses just makes me feel focused, I guess, I instinctively take them off in class when I've stopped working - when I'm watching stuff in class, or not doing work and thinking about something, I'll just suddenly realize they're off.

I don't know. I've never worn glasses before habitually, despite having them, until this pair, because they're just so comfy, unlike the others that imprinted my nose and felt heavy, and when I take them off, my bad eye feels sad.

LOL and seeing all those formspring desk photos... So glad I don't have formspring. I don't have a single spot in my house that I assocaite with that wouldn't be embarassing to show atm. Except maybe the bathroom which I cleaned yesterday. (I also realized I clean and organize the bathroom more than my own room - what is this?)

I also realized that during exam period, everyone ties their hair up, except I feel like the opposite. I need my hair to block out all distractions and hopefully so I can't feel teachers standing behind me.

And. Do I continue the, idk what to call it, tradition? Of having purple glasses? I wasn't really planning to last time I got glasses, but it just... happened.

And this is so beautiful! Better than the one I posted on my tumblr!
Back story of back story time.

Well, in typeracer - I kept getting the first part to Into my arms (I swear, I've almost memorized it now), and I looked it up and I liked the song but... I'm a bit scared of Nick Caves. Actually, I don't usually enjoy this type of voice, it's too manly to be calm and feel enjoyable, but it's nice for this song.

Also, today I realized I have NEVER seen my dad with facial hair. And I told him and he was like "HAHAHHAHA, that's because it's so sparse." But I'm glad I haven't, I think it would scar me for life, if I randomly looked in old photos and one of him with a moustach or something popped up.

Ahhhhhh, and jersey names, I get waves of "oh no, I'm going to have something really lame (lameLEE) oh noes oh noes, everyone will have smart and punny things", and then I go into "who cares" and then I go back to the former one.

And school tomorrow! I almost feel like it's the first day back from a holiday or something!

2011-12-10T13:44:00.002+11:00

And so starts the post-nanowrimo, post-assessments, post-everything-that-ever-happened-in-term-four, big room and desk clean up. I predict it will take about seven weeks or so, you know.

Also, whilst I was mirror-reflecting looking at the back of my neck (I don't know why, I always have this desire to know what I look like from behind), I noticed, I have really big... dimples? Dimples in my back. I don't even know if dimple is the right word, it's like two big indents, I kind of wonder if they're always been there and I've just never noticed. Is that normal? Can someone look at their lower back for me to compare?

Also, despite me thinking maybe driving could be a father bonding experience. I get this feeling I'm never going to drive with my dad again. Even though my mom was like at first "I don't think my reactions and observation is good enough". I think she probably now thinks it's safer still, if she was the one that chaperoned. (Is that what it's called? Chaperoning driving? I'm not sure.)

Also, is it really canned food monday, because I bought pasta - and now that I think of it, I'm not sure where the idea of buying pasta came from, but I bought pasta and if I don't pass it off as a canned food... well, there's nothing I can really do with it.

Also, my dad took away the UPS box under my computer, and now I keep trying to step on it... but it's not there! It's an intensely weird feeling.

And I think should make every Saturday (or maybe every sunday, I don't know) "survey saturday", so I don't get intense urges to do those weird surveys and then cram a lot in at once - and instead have nicely short ish ones each week.

The if you had to section.
1. If you HAD to get a tattoo, where would you want it and what would you get?
Haha - Beatrice, I nominate you to do this survey if you have time.
I was going to say something small near my back dimple/crators (because, well, if I hadn't realized they existed till now, then I won't be seeing it a lot), but then I thought, oh noes, that could almost be considered a ... tramp stamp. I don't know, behind my ear. I'd never get to see that with my own eyes not from a mirror or camera.

2. If you HAD to dye your hair which color would you choose?
I don't think I could dye my hair! Is dying specific to going a shade darker?

3. If you HAD to get a piercing (THAT ISN’T YOUR EARS) what would you get pierced?
Eeee. I'm scared of needles and pain. If I never got my ears pierced before my needle-fear set in, I would never do them. Um. I would say navel, but they sound like a pain, and I'm really not a fan of navel piercings at all. Does this only leave facial ones? Um. Maybe a lip one. Just because well, logically, if it were an eyebrow-y one, that's the worst part of my face skin-wise, if it was a nose one, well, that just doesn't... can I stop talking about this now?

4. If you HAD to change your name…what new name would you choose?
Sometimes when they don't let me use "R", I use "Rose" or "Rosie" if I don't want to use my real name. So yeah, I guess I could live with that. Something R that isn't Rachel, because that's been taken by Miss Huang!

The Would You Section.
1. If you could go bungee jumping, would you?
No. It looks horrible. And it jolts your back. No. I wouldn't.
And if my sister said "hey I'm going bungee jumping, do you want to watch me" I would be like "no thanks, let's have tea after if you're still alive and kicking."

2. Would you move somewhere else, if you could?
Ahhhhhhhh, not now, I have to do my HSC :)

3. If you were given the chance to go to Paris, would you go?
Maybe. I don't have sufficient french skills, I think they'd be a bit mean to me. If it was for free, then obv yes.

4. If you found 10 million dollars, and it was YOURS to spend, what would you do with it?
Pay of the mortgagey stuff and uhhhhh. Get more driving lessons, lol.

The Let’s Say Section.
1. Let’s say you see a big ship sink…only 3 people have a chance to survive. The 3 people are Your Best Friend, Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend, and a long lost friend (that you don’t know too well)…who would you save if you HAD to?
I don't really have any of these... BUT, I think it depends on who they are, capacity to save them, I don't know. If I ever have a best friend, boyfriend and long lost friend at the same time, I'll come back and answer this.

2. Let’s say you became President…what is the first thing you would do?
Of what country...
Not a republican, sorry.

3. Lets say you had to eat a tarantula for $1,000..would you?
Deep fried and chocolate coated - yes
Deep fried - maybe, haha, I'm quite scared of spiders, and even if I said I would now, I'd probably not if it wasn't covered.

4. Let’s say you could star in any movie (made or in the works) what movie would you star in?
Harry potter. Not because I'm that big of a fan - just because it looks like so much fun!

The Favorites Section.
1. Color?
I like neutral and muted colors. I suppose this is quite reflected in the clothes I wear colorwise too.

2. Current song?
:/ Ugh, I knew I should've annotated all my songs on my tumblr properly.
Okay, I had to search it up - I don't even know the name of it.
Joe Strummer and the Mescaleros - Mondo Bongo
i.e. THE MR AND MRS SMITH SONG

3. Shirt you own?
All my shirts are the same. Well, it feels like that.
Almost all of them are black or white or wow, I don't have a large colour palette.

4. Electronic device?
My phone. Or computer... Don't make me choose please.
Also, I haven't named either of them.
I feel like it's a lot better for us to have a purely unanthropomorphic relationship.

5. Movie?
LOL the person before me put lion king, cute.
Well, honestly, I'm not a big movie person, they tire me and take ages.
(I want to say Mr and Mrs Smith, but it really isn't, I just have a fond spot for it - the first time I watched it was with a family friend whom I hadn't seen for a while. And we watched the Italian Job after that - I should watch that and feel fond about that one too.)

UM. Okay, I'll try to think of the last five movies I watched.
No, there were some embarassing Amanda Bynes ones in there.
Okay, I'm skipping this question.

6. Book?
-sigh- I don't read. Much.
I have this book, which pretty much teaches its reader how to be ladylike - I bought it in hong kong when I needed a book to read on the plane and they have like. No english books. It's all cook books or harry potter. Which isn't my favorite book, I just thought of it, after I read it, I was like "lol, people actually do this?"

7. Pair of shoes?
I don't have a favorite pair of shoes, but I have a weird pair of... weird flats, I don't even know how to describe them. They're just weirdly, really weirdly patterned, and they match ALL my green/brown jackets. Well, obviously, all my green/brown jackets are almost exactly the same colour. It's not my favorite pair of shoes - they aren't super practicaly, they like to slip off my heels when I jump.

Yet to have a favorite pair of shoes :)

8. Sandal color?
I don't like toes, remember?

9. Hair color?
Emma Stone redhead (did you know that she's not a real redhead?), it's very often done well, obviously, only on caucasian people, but there are a lot of people running around with netbook color hair, but that hair was really a really lovely strain of orange-ness.

10. Eye color?
No preference. Sangavi has really nice eyes though, have you ever ralized?

The Other Stuff Section.
1. What makes your bedroom unique?
Nothing! But, if you mean in my house, it gets the most sunlight.

2. Who do you like?
I very consciously do my best not to crush on people male AND female.
(as in girl crush as in want to be like them, not in the same strains of like for both gender, haha)
Because then you end up thinking they're so great and perfect when they're just people and you get disappointed when they do normal human things.

3. Do you go to parties?
Define please.

4. What’s your favorite season of the year?
Seasons do not exist in Australia.

5. Do you like cheese?
Not by itself.

6. What’s bothering you now?
When I take my jacket off its cold - when I drape it on me, it's too warm :(

7. What are you doing for vacation?
I'm going to the south coast next next week!

I hope it doesn't rain. If it rains, we'll have paid to stay at this place with a pool to ... play mah jong, cook food and go fishing. (I don't think you can even fish in the rain, IDK)

Speaking of fishing, I have these memories of ahhh.
When you didn't need a fishing license, we'd go fishing after church with people when I was little. Really little, like seven little. Ngaw.

2011-12-09T13:38:00.004+11:00

If you've watched Hank Green's Lemon video. How cute was that? (Even though if I met Lemon in real life, I woudl be absolutely terffified). I accidentally mispelt that (probably the result of too much writing), but I think it depicts the type of scared I'm talking about. Lemon actually sounds quite like me - in the fact that she's scared of everything.

Despite being quite. Acutely afraid of dogs, cats and rabbits. I kind of hope that one day I'll have one. I think it would probably make me get over that fear. And I'll probably need an animal friend.

Also. I wrapped my secret santa present! I'm so excited, I don't even care if my person forgot me, I wrapped it so nicely! I found out how to wrap presents nicely last year when it was Chris N's birthday, before that I'd either be like "I'm buying a bag" or get my sister to do it. The secret is... to buy a prism shape present. That's not really... well, yes, and to use a glue-stick and do those fancy flappy fold-y things. Or get your sister to do it.

I realized that everything that I've been all fret-y about this week hasn't even been about exams, but I'm glad exams are over now. I'm so much better at typerace after exams - I'm not sure if it's a reflection of my current state, or if it was because I was listening to music.

I'm glad it's over, actually.

Also.

I found out. To not be stressed - just don't do anything that stresses you out at times where you don't want to be stressed. I.e. remove everything you possibly can that could make you stressed.

Works great for me. I avoid things a lot though.

Also, NO youtube, I do NOT want to follow natalie tran. Is this because we're both female and asian? Is it?!?!

2011-12-08T21:35:00.002+11:00

I suddenly re-remembered this while I was watching domino videos. (So addictive! I blame Tom K!)

I rarely embed videos, because I think, "well, if they care about it, then they'd click on it", but I urge you to watch it. You've probably already seen it. There was a nicer quality one but it was the shorter version. Actually, I think the shorter version might be nicer in some ways.

Whoever thought up this ad. You deserve a good clap and a pat on the back.

Except I really don't like that song. I've always tried to avoid it.
It makes me sad. I feel like (is now a good time to remind people that I rarely notice lyrics that don't make me notice them - so I'm pretty sure this is not what the song is about), but to me, it represents things that could've been that didn't eventuate. Missed opportunities, changing of seasons, moving along, etc etc (did I just ruin that sentence by etc-ing?)

It's a weird sensation, I've never had songs that have ascribed in me a very set feeling from an experience.

Oh, the other one is animals, I remember Michelle playing it on the way back from luna park and she was like "oh, my sister's boyfriend showed it to her," and I couldn't hear much, and when I got home, I listened to it and was like. "okay."

And apparently, according to this eurovision group I liked on facebook or something, Eric Saade released a new video.

And soccul and maths x1 tomorrow!

2011-12-07T12:19:00.002+11:00

I bought my secret santa present! It was thirteen dollars and I was like "I DON'T CARE, THIS IS AWESOME, I'M GETTING IT ANYWAY", and then it turned out to be <10$, so now I don't know if I'm supposed to get something else as well lol. I think they read this blog, haha. I single handedly told three different people in fifteen minutes who my secret santa person was after not telling anyone for a whole week or whatever.

Sometimes I get Rihanna and Beyonce mixed up and I feel very ashamed.

Also, is it just me, or does anyone find it a little bit annoying how every guy in Taylor Swift's video is different. (Well, what do you expect, I guess), but I guess it's because all her videos center around a guy.

So here is my list of Taylor Swift music video guys in order of my favorite. I'm not sure how I like some more than others, I guess it also depends on the context they're in the video too. (Also, the videos without a guy are, off the top of my head, Mean, Sparks Fly, and the one of the flowers. And fifteen, but I never really watched that video.)
Okay, I can't be bothered working out which ones I like best. This is unordered.
BUT here is a concise list. (I shall now go on youtube and remember the ones I probably forgot.

1. White horses guy - I think this was the first taylor swift song I ever heard.

2. Love story guy (the one with the sideburns LOOOL)

3. Teardrops on my guitar guy - HE HAS A NAME - Drew?

4. Mine guy - arguable one of my favorites, but the more I think about it, why am I picking favorites? I'm not even that fond of Taylor Swift, she just has really catchy songs.

5. Picture to burn guy - I never really understood this video, and one day I watched it in a late night taylor swift moment, and then I finally understood why they were trashing a house. I think this guy was in it for about ten seconds (cbb watching the whole video) and he has a bit of a weird head to shoulder ratio (don't work out too much. Sometimes I'd argue less is more.)

6. Back the December guy. Cbb watching this video again, I just remember his nose was really red, but I could've remembered wrong.

7. The story of us guy - I found it a bit weird how she kept throwing herself against books in the library, but maybe that's her thing.

8. You belong to me guy - I had a friend who was a fan of him. I think he was in Hannah Montanna movie. Which I have ashamedly watched, one time we didn't know what else to rent to get our discount, so we rented that -hides head in shame-

9. And of course the new one - Ours. The whole work thing just doesn't work for her - I just can't imagine her going to work in an office. Or people being mean to her like that.

10. Tim Mcgraw? I've never heard or watched this video, and I kind of can't be bothered, but let's assume there's a guy in this video. One of the top comments "I love this song and the video is cute, but the dude sorta looks stoned half the time..."

I think that's all!

And I kind of bought my sister a christmas present as well, even though we were all like "we're all not buying christmas presents this year, right, right, RIGHT?" Yeah. I think the only present under the tree will be the secret santa one unless they forget or something. In which case there'll be none LOL

As you can see, we aren't big christmas present people. We aren't big present people at all.
Which is why I always hate it when people ask me what presents I got for christmas/my birthday.
Last time I just said "oh, I went to hong kong." So yeah, don't ask me this.

I used to feel self conscious when I was in school uniform in school hours, but now I feel like "I'm allowed to be here, and I'll be here if I want -should've capslocked that-"

Today was nice. I guess. When I went to school, I thought, "I really hope Arjuna or Tim catches my bus," and Tim caught my bus which was nice, because he never does in the morning, and he's very, very calm. And then after, I thought, "oh, this is going to be boring" and then my bus just kept not coming, and I caught a bus to towers and then the bus driver was mean, and this other lady after we got off it was kind of weird, she struck up a conversation with me about the bus driver being mean and then was kind of like "have a nice day" and ran off. And then after, I was like "oh, I'm going to have to wait ages now" and then Akif was there and then when I got on the m60 finally, Maria was on it. It's nice seeing people everywhere. I like exam period.

And for the first time after an exam, I was still writing. I took a risk and decided to go for a TWO SENTENCED conclusion, and had to keep writing a little at the end. Except Alysha beat me in that sense.

Anyway, I don't know how to end this so.

Happy days, everyone, happy days.

2011-12-06T19:16:00.002+11:00

Today I realized first "job" might not even be one I sought out myself.

Haha, my neighbor asked me to babysit her kids when she went to pilates next year, because she'd asked my other neighbor before, and now it had changed days and my other neighbor had bible study or netball or something. Does babysitting count as a job? Actually, I have to say I'm more scared of their cat than the whole thing.

Also, we did our christmas tree up last night. And my sister has become this christmas tree design control maniac. Last year we got a bauble set (and a new christmas tree, those thing suddenly got so cheap), and now she won't let all our the christmas things we made or baubles that weren't red or silver on the tree. Except I put them on anyway, and now there's this little corner packed with multicolored baubles. So exclusive! - they don't belong, but then they do to their only little niche okay I don't even know.

And now I'm distracted and playing with the pin thing in that related image "Only" even though I'm not doing that one, just because i remembered my sister had one.

SO DISTRACTED.

Certain person in my english class has posted eleven statuses in the past I think fortnight on english. ELEVEN. ELEVEN. They deserve a big smack. On the face. I would say "no one cares", but that's the saddest thing, people actually like and comment on those.

Tomorrow, I might go do the kris kringle stuff, but I have a feeling I'll cbb.

2011-12-05T15:15:00.002+11:00

I completely forgot how far I lived from my bus stop.

Well, I don't really know if it's far, to be honest, I have two stops I can get off at - google maps says there are equally the same. Unless I trespass the high school which I used to until I found it it was technically illegal. Except the route that's technically faster because it hasn't got two huge hills, feels longer, just because in your head, logically, you think it should be shorter.

Also, when I was on the bus today, there was two stroller-people, and one of them, who got on the stop after me, he was a dad, and he was one of those people that talk to their kids a lot. A lot. (She was a little asian baby girl btw, the dad sounded exactly like Alysha's dad, if that helps you imagine it at all, probably not.) Actually, I imagine that's what my mom was like too, from the way she tells me about when I was younger, except in cantonese, and newspapers always tell you that's what you should do, and it helps your kids make friends or read faster or something. And it was kind of cute, but I thought. If I have a husband like that I'd think it was cute for about a month, and then get a bit annoyed. Partly because I'd feel like "that's what I'M supposed to be doing, now you'll be the fun dad and I'll be the annoying mom", and I think mostly because I'll feel like they're being best friends with the kids - you're supposed to be MY best friend.

(I don't know, are they? When I was little, and my sister and I asked who my mom's best friend was, she'd always say my dad.)

Oh, and this is a spin on a blog survey?
This is just what I hear of when I hear these names. (This is just from a baby website where people like to comment on other people's name ideas.
Callie - When I was in hong kong last time, there was one of those um... soaps? I don't know, and there was a drug addict on it called Callie. Yes.
Evelyn - I had this moment of really liking this name. And then I found out it was Ms. Chin's name, which, well, she's a nice lady, but that's all I can think of now.
Rebecca (Becky) - My mom's name. I've never heard anyone call her Becky though. I'm not a fan of the name Becky
Sophie - George's sister
Charlotte - Church
Laura - Oh! This corresponds to the last one, but I don't think of this when I hear the name Laura - I think of the actual Laura
Elizabeth - There was a little girl who was two when I did duke of ed childcare

James (Jamie) - James makes me think royal, Jamie connotates for me to a person who is fun and a little bit scary
Daniel - I like this name but there are a lot of middle aged men I know with this name lol
Caleb - I don't know why, but this name to me epitomizes veiny arms. I don't even know any Calebs
Spencer - American name I think should really remain as a last name.
Benjamin (Benji or Benny) - my sister had a sheep plush named benjamin. I can't take that name seriously anymore. haha, ben x in engineering.
Nathan - I know one Nathan. He's nice. Sometimes. This name connotates to "lanky" for me now.
Aaron - I correlate the name Aaron with Isaac. And vice versa. It's the a's
Tommy - TELL LAURA I LOVE HER. SO SAD.

That was highly unnecessarily, time to do legal and maths and I've totally ignored english for two days. The people on these websites are both cruel and weid to these names. E.g. "Callie - a cat" "Aaron - a weird gymnast guy", "Charlotte - I picture someone with a bad weave", "Charlotte - way old fashioned, I think of an old fashioned girl working on a farm with plaits", "Rebecca - Dumb ****"

Things that have gotten me through the past few days in the studying realm.

2011-12-02T18:40:00.003+11:00

I'd say collectively, I've studied about fours in the last three days, including in school. Not very impressive.

My first two nanowrimo days back in the real world have been kind of abrupt.

When I'm doing nanowrimo, I'm in this little bubble of my own, thinking out plots, thinking out scenes, and then I end up botching almost all them up. (On a side note, I'm really really hungry, because I didn't have anything to eat after school because my dad and I had a spat. I don't like when shouty people shout, it always makes me a bit nervous in maths when Isaac says stuff loudly.)

So yeah, I've suddenly realized everything's happening, and everything (okay, by everything, I mean assessments) is kind of really hard, and I've been like "I don't want to do this, I'll just go on type racer because speed type doesn't work on my netbook. (Btw, I'm unicorn_lover on type racer [Sangavi's idea], and I made everyone join my "racetrack" and play with me in society and culture. It was the most productive friday lesson we've ever had, I think.) I just played a round. It's so much easier at home without lag, and I got this quote from Juno (that's another cool thing, it's practical typing of passages, from movies, books and songs).

Anyway, totally deviated from the post of my title (look, there's a title!!!!)

Okay, firstly. One thing that has helped me get back on track (okay, the title's deceiving, I only just started to get back into the swing of things, just as in this afternoon) is. Well, a few days ago, I think Monday or Tuesday, I watched Legally Blonde, and the montage of Elle Woods studying up. That's one of the things that've really picked me up. There wouldn't be enough of me studying for someone to make a montage of me studying.

Secondly, Britney Spears - Stronger. EVERY TIME, when I pick up my studying, I listen to this for some reason. If I do really well in year twelve, I will acredit in part this to you, Ms. Spears. And a new one is glee's version of run the world. But it's still stronger. Stronger is forever that one study song for me, as weird as it is.

And the last thing is mounds and mounds of scrap/half used paper. Maths are a subject thrives in terms of being worked on for me, because of this stuff.. I despise lined paper for maths.

And YOUTUBE. I'm cool with changes - even though my brain automatically dismisses them and always is like "hate it", I try really hard to like it. But no. Just no. You do NOT change favicons - don't even go there, now I just think I accidentally typed yotuube or something wrong.

Lol, and my mom was showing us pictures of her work christmas dinner. She works at an accountant's now, and it's actually quite small - smaller than the place I went for work experience, and they have seven people, and there's this one guy who's the computery guy and I always find it hilarious that it's just him. I guess I'm glad my mom got this job. I could've never imagined when I started high school where we would be now. But I'm glad and thankful, I guess.

And have you ever had it how when you look at someone too long, you realize they don't look quite what you thought they looked like? I've had that numerous times today, it's a weird thing.

2011-11-30T20:36:00.004+11:00

I was going to recommend some things for kris kringle, but Beatrice summed it up pretty well, permalink here. Except I think for girls, there are so many other possible things! The possibility is endless for girls!

Okay I really have to go do eco.

So here's a post-nanowrimo photo for you to look at.

This was on the top of my email (I received four, FOUR just for me emails today. I feel so loved. Well, two of them were en masse, but it was en masse groups I'm part of.), and I was like "what, they revamped the smilies?" But it's still the same on msn, so confusion.

2011-11-28T19:42:00.003+11:00

I have a maths test tomorrow.

I'm still quite pathetic at it all, I still get induction and integration mixed up.

Nanowrimo is good.

And everyone who has asked to read it, I feel like I owe you an apology I guess, I always talk about it and then reject people reading it.

It's because it's such an exciting thing for me, I love writing just for the hell of it, and well, just because I can (which is why it also kind of annoys me when people are like "I just can't write", to which I wish I could just tell them, they're either a) not trying b) too full of themselves and think they can get something right the first time c) lazy. lazier than me. which is pretty lazy). But I'm a pretty horrible writer and I know it, I follow this one tumblr (refuse to use the term tumblog, or tumblr blog), of this I think singaporean girl, who posts quotes from books a lot, and I always read them and then face palm.

I watched 1.75 movies today.
I don't even know why, and I also don't know why I like Mr and Mrs Smith.
I think I just like staring at Brad Pitt's head and Angelina Jolie's lips, I'm not sure.

And ick, I frown a lot nowadays, I think it's a "don't talk to me I'm reading stuff/doing this and can't multi-task" face, idk

2011-11-27T17:03:00.003+11:00

I went to a (somewhat rich) family friend's 18th at the quay today.

Yeah. I realized waitressing at swanky places is probably a pretty good job, because people are supposed to be civilised there. I also think I gained three kilos in one sitting.

Also. What is it with adults asking "oh, you're in year twelve, is there a lot of pressure?"
Shut up. Seriously. Shut up. If people ask me this again, I'm going to just eject myself from the conversation. Talk about the weather, talk about how tall I am, talk about how I look like my parents, talk about anything but pressure because why do you assume everyone is stressed out? When I say I'm not, then they go on and tell me an annoying memorized obligatory "oh, it's okay, just do your best bla bla bla" as if I didn't say I was fine and not being crushed by the turmoil of year twelve. I swear. I'm going to make a list of these people to blame any anxiety issues that I'll probably have at the end of the year on them.

I think by hsc next year, I will have lost my marbles. Multiple times.

Also, I thought understand the senior school preoccupation with libraries.
I have about five times I can remember going to the library (I'm really not a fan) and well.
One time was before school cert WHEN I STILL DID SCIENCE at castle hill, in that room, and whilst everyone (I remember sitting next to Nara who was a studying tank, she ploughed through all these notes, it was crazy), I spent about fourty five minutes trying to connect to the internet. Then I spent another fifteen minutes trying to live connect on one note (when they hadn't blocked it yet..), and then I distracted everyone and got them to play scategories.

The next time I remember (not in chronological order) was with Rachel and Arjuna and all these people and LAURA was there, even though Castle hill is not her neighborhood. And that time all I did was copy half an essay and eat pizza.

And another time with Rachel and Arjuna at the beginning of this year. Did nothing except look for books of monsters for Arjuna's speech for something. It gave us this lull of complacency of feeling like we did work and I went crazy later.

And hmm, I'm fishing more of these memories out now... another time a pennant h - and that time I actually did a little bit of stuff, I made one topic of science notes, because Jm and I were there first, and we sat in back to back seats and he wouldn't talk to me LOL and then I think Harvard and Andy came, and I went to buy soothers, came back, ate lunch (IN THE LIBRARY, is that allowed? I've never been really sure), overheard korean kid conversations and did nothing.

And I think there've actually been a lot more I've forgotten.

But the most recent on I remember is in the library before Tim went to tuition on wednesday when he still did on wednesdays with the other jason (LOL THERE ARE FIVE IN THE GRADE) and it was to do parametrics, and that was okay. I learnt how to do parametrics. But it was EXTREMELY sunny, and I was half blinded by the end.

Anyway. I look back at those experiences and think. "I could've done so much more if I was at home and not distracted by sleeping."

So yeah, to be honest. I think the problem is just that I don't like libraries. Libraries make me feel itchy, and they smell weird, there's always kids, and there's always people who walk past a lot trying to sit in your seat as soon as you leave, and now they have internet which is mega distraction anyway, so I don't like libraries for studying. I only go to libraries to get books.

Except now I've realized, libraries are a major socializing factor in senior school, as it fosters for a feeling of security in knowing you're studying, and because I've chosen to reject this notion (I hate libraries for studying the more I think of it. They feel almost STERILE, studying needs to be somewhere homely and where you can get water and food anytime you want), I'm going to be socially hampered for a whole year.

Also lol. Doing legal stuff makes me feel like I have to commit a crime whilst I can still have diminished responsibility.

And this weekend, I've done (comparatively) so much school work and stuff!
I think it's because my to-do list was two times longer than usual, consisting of every single subject.

And I realized I have too many black clothes, and have a really bad habit of rummaging through my wardrobe aiming for the colour of whatever I'm looking for and then it's a mess. (My mom just coordinated everything for me because she's lovely. Or because she was embarassed. I couldn't really tell. My strategy for keeping it like that is only wearing things from the hanging part of my closet so I never mess up the fold-y part.)

Time to english!

2011-11-24T16:50:00.003+11:00

So today, I am engaging in a journey I call:-
"Not sleeping after school"

It's brutal. If people ever ask me why I'm not stressed, I'm going to say it's because I sleep in the afternoon after school every day. I'm not sure if it is, but I guess it's a contributing factor. And the fact that I have pretty easy going parents, I guess.

I've learnt some new things though, from not sleeping - such as the fact that our rice cooker makes some really scary spitting sounds. (I usually go to sleep after turning it on.)

I'm not actually sleepy, I guess, I feel cosy.

Usually, I eat afternoon tea, have a shower and then sleep.

Today, (even though I knew it was a stupid thing to do, I knew it would work), I had a shower, then ate, then did not sleep. Except I don't think I'll do it again because I'd probably end up fainting one time. Anyway, I'm planning to do all of my society and culture case study, and then put that away, have dinner, nanowrimo a teensy bit and then do my english essay.

(Today in society and culture, I did 2k. I was so proud of myself, and before I was 1k behind, and now I have about 500 words or so till todays word count, yay!

Also, I burnt my tongue yesterday, and I just realized I have decreased taste-ness now.

And I caved and had a lie down in the dark. (But it wasn't sleeping! I was just watching sheldon cooper in bed)

-

Could it be true?
I think I'm going to sleep before 9 - first time since... probably night after ec camp.

2011-11-23T20:17:00.003+11:00

Okay, tell me if this is something I made up or this exists. (This is obviously only in places where you drive on the left side of the road.)

When you are walking with someone, side by side, and go to cross a road - it is the duty of the person on the right to look for coming cars because that person would be blocking the person on the left's view. Did I make that up, or is it a real rule?

I've tried really hard to this in Arjuna and Tim at the tafe crossing, but they never remember, so now I'm not sure if this is something I made up. People at our school have really bad crossing-watching, or it might just be group mentality (I guess I can understand walking groups, but when it's two people?)

And today umbrellas have just... not been on my side.
I had a really bad moment of umbrella flip, and Arjuna was like "oh, swap umbrellas with me and I'll fix it for you", and then I gave it to him, and then eurovision boy ivan and josh suddenly showed up out of no where, and they were like "RENEE, you shouldn't be in the rain" and dragged me away and made me run to the little shelter at tafe, and Arjuna was just holding two umbrellas.

And then a lot of annoying yelps and distress laughs ensued when it was windy.
(People keep mistaking my distress laugh as me having fun. I thought they sounded very different, but I guess now.)

AND THEN when I was on the bus I put my umbrella in a plastic bag and accidentally held it upside down and poured water all over myself - just so it looked like I had peed my pants. And I told my sister when I got home, and she told the story of something who had released their bladder in year six during assembly. Yeah, idk why that was needed.

Oh, just another umbrella moment, today I saw Lok kind of folorn in the rain and I literally thought "oh noes, his hair's going to be ruined", so I offered to umbrella him and he took my umbrella and I realized. If you're taller than someone are you supposed to hold their umbrella? I don't usually offer to hold umbrellas, until there's obvious height problems, either I'm hitting my head, or their arm looks like it's in pain, which usually happens. My sister hates sharing umbrellas with me, because she likes to be the holder.

Also, seriously? Kyle Sandilands is like a bad smell that won't go away.
And Jackie O - seriously? I'm really sick of you too. It's okay that the guy you are closely associated with says all these nasty things and you just sit there and go along with it? Frankly, i don't understand how she got the nickname synonymous with Jacqueline Onassis, I think it's that weird 2day fm thing where they try to give everyone nicknames so you don't quite know their real names.

And I swear.

Feminists - getting on my nerves.
Honestly.
What female does not want her gender to be seen as equal value to the other?
Wouldn't that make us all feminists?

Buzz word - equal. not better.

Of course, I want females to have the same oppornities as men.

But I don't think men and women have the same roles.

And I think. If women want to be independent in marriage, refuse taking on their husband's last names because they think its demeaning and archaic, and make their own beds, go for it, but don't judge everyone else who doesn't have a problem with it, because then you're just taking us all back to square one.

I don't know. To be honest, I think I would have enjoyed being male just as much as I have being female.

And lol, I think work experience is called "job shadowing" in america, and one of my favourite youtubers, Kristina Horner (it used to be different, favourites used to be meekakitty, communitychannel and michellephan, but they've all let me down. I wanted to say "meeka kitty especially", but then I realized nope, it's all of them especially, it's actually quite sad, maybe nat will bounce back now, idk) ANYWAY, there's this girl "job shadowing" her as a youtuber and she's so cute. And so lucky!

Oh, and I just saw Charlie McDonnell's dad in one of his twitter photos! Their smiles and smiling-eyes are so alike, it's adorable!

2011-11-22T16:02:00.002+11:00

So today was. A bit of a waste of time, except for the Skrzynecki part, the more I think about it, the more that part was worthwhile - but the rest, my english teacher had already drilled it into us, I think.

Except I realized, his poems aren't actually centred around him being a Polish immigrant at all, rather experiences of identity confusion he has, partly aided because he was an immigrant. But I'm pretty sure if he wasn't, he still would by identity confused. And blood-wise, he's not even Polish! So it's not... I think we tried to bend it a lot to not belonging because he was an immigrant but I don't think that's the case - he pointed out quite a few parts where people always thought it meant he hated his heritage/he was alienated, but he hadn't actually meant that. And he said he liked his high school (I think, someone verify). I think that it's more an adoration of his father actually, the whole thing, and he wanted to write a bit of a memoir, but because his memory was a bit unclear, he thought he'd make it a sketchy poem. I think the whole belonging thing is exacerbated by the fact he named the collection "Immigrant Chronicle". And he was so... I believe all the things he said about hardship because of immigrating, but I honestly don't believe he could've had that many racist run-ins. And I think he acknowledged that too, I don't know.

Yes. I have to nano now, haha.

Coming to the end of nano makes me realize how close exams are. D:

2011-11-21T19:48:00.003+11:00

The lovely light blue is gone! It's back to a mundane gray :(
Actually, I think it might be a beige.

Nanowrimo is going okay.

My first study period on monday was nice. At the end, I was like "yay, first monday study period over" (I did 436 words in the whole period lol), and Dayanan was like "Is it your first time? I thought you'd always been here!".

Um.

I should've written more, but I was too busy doing nanowrimo (and watching DL play whilst Davy explained to me. It's so perfect for my pip even though I don't understand what's going on.)

Yeah. And then it morphed into manwhore, sorry Saade. ahhhhhh, I can't wait till Eurovision next year.

EVEN mistletoe could not rid this lol.

Night, Skrzynecki tomorrow!

2011-11-20T13:41:00.002+11:00

I found this quite discouraging.

I watched a fifteen minute interview of Eric Saade (he says his last name with funny strains on the two a's as a three syllable word, it's so foreign!) who has remarkably good english for a European person. (Yes... You know how people are like "oh, European accents are so hot", I don't see it. They're just as annoying as a chinese or middle-eastern one to me, it just depends on the degree of accent-depth-ness). Anyway. He was in a boy band when he was fifteen when they got a contract, and he interviewed Zac Efron, Vanessa Hudgens and the Jonas Brothers at sixteen, then I think he quit the band and did all this other stuff.

My point is. At sixteen, Eric Saade was interviewing disney stars.
And I'm looking up GDP's for economics.

No disrespect to Eric Saade of course, I'm pretty sure he worked really hard, and if I had to be a guy, I wouldn't mind being him.

Other men I wouldn't mine being if I had to pick a male to be include. Okay, I don't want to make this list, it's pretty big. I should start one in my book.

Anyway.
I'm so behind for nanowrimo, but I'm hoping my investment in english tonight will be a good thing.

Well. I guess I have to try hard in school because I don't have a nice television-lovely face like Eric Saade. (LOL except from 15-16, all he did was sing and do disney voice stuff, so that doesn't involve a face.) I guess I have to try hard in school because I don't have a nice television voice then.

2011-11-18T16:57:00.002+11:00

Oh, seeing DL's, mine was slightly different because I was on the "edit html" tab, idk. He's missing that tab for some reason.

Oh, also, idk why I was reading twilight stuff on smh in legal. (Probably because it was a lot better than looking up this gang rapist), and I realized. Taylor Lautner/Jacob has gotten smaller and less tanned. Which is a good thing, I think, it makes him more human, but symbollicaly, maybe he's like gotten weaker and sadder or something. (Idk, I still don't really understand the premise of twilight adn the whole series.)

And I read that one of the subconcious reasons girls like twilight is because Bella gets to have the best of two worlds - she gets to do adult things like... consumate her marriage and being married and stuff, and she she gets to not have the responsibility - she doesn't have to go to uni, get a job, and Sangavi said one girl in the Cullen clan can read the future and read the future sharemarket, thus they don't have to work.

Also, the hunger games trailer! I haven't read the book (I don't read), and youtube just recommended I watch it, so I did. So I don't know, am I supposed to read the book if I want to see the movie? Probably, I read all the harry potter books after I saw the movies, and to be honest, I don't know how that affected me. It gave me (the trailer) all these images for my nano, I have all these moments and ideas and images that haven't been played out yet in my book, and honestly, I dont' know if I'll be able to, I only have 21k words left, I don't think I'll be able to round up my book in 21k. But yeah. I don't know why I want to see the hunger games, because usually, I'd be like "no way, I'm so not watching this, this is going to scare the everything out of me. And I'm very, very, prone to seat-jumping, accidental screaming and all that other embarassing stuff. Yeah, I guess this is one to coerce my sister into watching with me. Also, I didn't recognize Josh Hutcherson with his blonde hair, until this one bit where it's just his face at a longer angle and I was like "Jess Aarons!"

And today, when we were on the bus, when I sat down and Arjuna sat next to me, we sat in front of this middle aged man, and he kind of looked at us, which I thought was normal, I mean, it's reaction to kind of make sure the people sitting behind you don't look like they're going to set your hair on fire or something. And then I noticed that while we were talking, he kept kind of half turning around to look at us? And then when the bus stopped about ten minutes into the trip, he looks at us one more time the GETS UP and just walks to the front and I thought "oh, he's getting off", but no, he goes to sit at the frontest seat.

Yeah, I don't know, I can't tell if it was because Arjuna said "athiesm is good" a bit too loudly (he talks louder than my dad, and that's loud), or if I was casting a shadow on him, or it was too much racial diversity for him to deal with (IDK), but yeah. Then I couldn't stop laughing, because I thought it was hilarious, and then I thought it was sad. I don't know, I really don't know lol.

This week has been kind of...
Intense, tuesday... and nanowrimo... and running on less sleep than normal (I'm fairing alright on the less sleep, and the saddest thing is the less sleep thing isn't even because of nano, it's because I have a new... news quirk, which I'll explain next post, I guess).

Yeah, I told people at my youth group and my mom about it (okay, I realize no one but Eunice? [I don't even know who reads this anymore] knows what I'm talking about) and I feel better about it now. The most upsetting thing is seeing what he said come to fruition SO SOON from someone who told me he used to think we were trustworthy, ahhhhh. I'm going to gloss over this before I delete the whole paragraph.

Ohhhhh, and the beauty and the geek episode. I'm so glad it's over soon, I feel really silly every time I watch it, because well. It's a pretty silly show. But I think all the annoying people left, so all the girls are fine but mega-cringe at the helen and the other guy moment.

2011-11-17T19:35:00.004+11:00

Oh lovely blue outline, now I can't bear to blog about un-lovely things!
No seriously.

All the things I was going to talk about totally left me.
So idk. Picture time!

I don't know!
I don't really like this, the writing is scratchy and weird, sorry.

Yes. Happy public transporting.

Eck. I'm sick of high school.
Is eck a word?

And, my primary school best friend posted something on my wall, and she's graduating tomorrow.
SOMEHOW SHE SKIPPED A YEAR because she moved interstate, ugh, so lucky.

She's the only person I've kept in touch with on purpose from primary school.

Ever since leaving, I've seen only the people that came to my school (Sandhya, Christine, and various others who got into OC and had left in year 5), and I haven't seen any of the people I was friends with.

Although I have seen a few people when they've come for grade sport, and I've seen LOL this guy who apparently liked me in year six, whom I would say I was semi friends with? and that was extremely awkward. Legit awkward.

Yes. Let us end this post on a non-awkward-moment-recalling note.
(baby blue border around my posting box, I love you! maybe I should screen shot this so people know what I mean if it doesn't appear for other people)

Now you know.

2011-11-16T19:52:00.002+11:00

First off, I'm loving the little sky blue box-ness around the posting area, it's very cute.

I was watching the duggars (19 kids and counting) today, as you do when it's rainy, and one thing (Oh, I just read Harvard's post because I get distracted by all my tabs - hi Isaac!)

New pet peeve - when people are like "sorry" but don't mean it.
Really big offender - my sister, which is probably my fault because I used to be really bad at this but nowadays.

If I don't feel like saying sorry, I won't say it.

Even though I overshower the word a lot in normal use, (i.e. accidentally blocking someone - sorry! Slowing water filter at school - sorry! etc), and another thing.

My sister likes to do the:-
Me - I'm sorry
Her - You better be

And before I'd always be like "NO I'M NOT ANYMORE NOW!"
but nowadays. I just don't say sorry if I'm not sorry to prevent this scenario, and if it happens I'll just be like "well, duh, that's why I said sorry".

So distracted - ANYWAY, I was watching the Duggar's before, and one episode about Josh, the oldest Duggar and his then fiance now wife Anna. Oh, actually, I'd already seen that episode, but I saw another episode about them with their daughter... Makayla? (Idk, I forgot)

And Josh was like "I'm so glad I don't have to stay at home and run everything - I love Makayla, but I think being with her all day and making sure the house kept going would be really stressful."
And then Anna was like "I'm so glad I get to stay at home, and don't have to be the breadwinner, and I can just be with my daughter when she grows up, having a job would be so stressful."

Okay, I'm really bad at paraphrasing, but they both definitely said that the other role woudl be "stressful". I can't tell if I'm lauding gender roles or not.

And the episode about a year? before that, they were like "oh, we're saving our first kiss for our wedding". Which I think made for some really weird hand-ness between them. I mean, it's sweet gesture, but I think it's not that great an idea if they're going to spend their whole time (no joke, even when they were DRIVING) holding hands, and stroking their hands, and hand coddling, and it was really quite revolting.

And Michelle Duggar, I read articles about her and forget how truly lovely she really is. She's really, really lovely, idk, lovely is the only word I can use, but I really think. If she's going to have another child, she's not really thinking it through, and it's cruel. It's cruel to have another child, after this one who suffered so many complications, and I mean, what if she died, it would be so hard on her whole family. Yeah, she's having her 20th kid soon, so I really hope that goes well for her. Interestingly, she's 45, but I would say she looks late thirties. That or the fact that some of the episodes I watched were a lot further back where she probably was quite a deal younger.

Also, woops, it's Mackynzie.

I did so much maths during walking-not-walking today.

And I realized.

There is something intrinsically.
Sorry, I just wanted to use the word intrinsically.

I can't do work at home. At all.
I can't sit down and do writing-with-my-hand work, I can only do on-the-computer-work, which I why I never do maths homework.

When I get home, my sister has this need to tell everyone about her day for some reason, and if I don't listen my dad has to listen (which is even worse because they end up being kind of... nasty), and the problem is, my sister has suddenly lost the concept of an "indoor voice", and she's always hating on someone, so it's just so noisy and angry.

And then when it's finally quiet, I sleep.

And then I wake up, eat dinner, blog (like now), whilst my sister is watching television which is always too loud, so I'll do it whilst listening to music to go over the noise, and then for some reason, everyone will flock to computer area, and then I'll go to my room and be like "I'M CLEANING TODAY" or "extra nap" or something, and then I'll come back out when it's just me and my dad, and THEN I'll be like "yay peace and quietness, finally, I think I shall do whatever now, it's too late to concentrate".

So yeah. I pretty much bring it upon myself.

I'm going to start my eco stuff now. Someone remind me to do it later tonight. (LOL doesn't matter, I know no one will and I'll fail again).

And then nanowrimo.

I'm really liking the blue-ness. It makes me more calm.
I feel kind of anxious and like yelling at everyone at this time of the day.
(Which is why I don't like going on camps.)

Here's a picture of a bunny.

2011-11-15T16:48:00.002+11:00

Today I was talking to Tim's brother and Daniel Kim's sister (that's a really horrible thing to say), I meant, today I was talking to Thornton and Lena (that just doesn't sound right) and I realized I can tell the difference between Tim and his brother's voice now, so it's no fun anymore. It's okay, they're both very nice people.

Also, upon reading Beatrice's blog post.

I don't really think I'm that awkward a person, and one of my biggest pet peeves are when people are like "well this is awkward" or "awkward moment" when I don't think a moment is awkward.

Unfortunately, this happens a lot. And it makes me feel a bit. Am I the weird one for not thinking it's awkward? Sometimes moments aren't awkward, and people say they are, and THAT'S what I think is awkward.

I avoid admitting moments are awkward at all costs and will always try to ignore any such situations, unless I think laughing it off as an awkward moment will help it pass.

But I generally don't think I come across awkward moments that often. I'm an alright small talker.

Unfortunately, that's about all I get to, I small talk and that's about all.
I'm not one to dnm a lot, or talk about idk, ethics and the meaning of life (actually, this was what I was talking about on the bus today, it was okay, and apparently philosophy club is run by year sevens, is this true?)

And I finally legitimately dropped english all paper work done yay dropped.

My first (illegitimate, actually) free periods were pretty boring.
I almost wished I was part of the 4u club.

I swear. Everyone at my church does 4u, and when I was like "oh noes, I'm the outsider who doesn't do 4u - UNBELONGING", this one girl was like "no, we're the outsiders for not being in baulko". I don't understand. What do people outside of Baulko think of it?

I never do any homework, and study the weekends before exams, but my family friends are always like "oh, Renee at Baulko, she must be a nerd," and I don't even bother disproving it anymore and just perpetuate the stereotype by talking about other more studious people. Yeah, idk.

2011-11-14T19:57:00.003+11:00

Okay, firstly. NO, why does bryarly have to post a sad video today.
I can't watch it, because I just got over my afternoon-sadness.

Which I will now tell you about.

It started when I was about to have a shower.
It sounds kind of weird. But whilst I'm... derobing I usually read the news lol, and I read this article on smh, idk if it's on actual smh or just mobile smh, anyway.

And I read this news article about how inquiry into how a 15 year old Indonesian boy convicted of people smuggling was put into an adult jail with murderes and rapists and how he was sexually assaulted and "convulsed in tears" every time they asked him stuff about it, and how Australia was being stupid for using this wrist-xray to determine age, because it was compared to middle classed white boys, and bones were different or something, and how many experts wordlwide disproved this as a way to definitively work out people's ages. And how, how can Australia expect cannabis boy to have all this special treatment when they're treating Indonesian kids horribly, and I was like. "D: this is really awful" probably because men/boys crying gets me every time, and the whole time I was like D:

AND THEN. Just out of no where, I had this dream that my mom disowned me, and in the dream, I was like. Seriously crying and wailing and bible-type mourning. It was really disturbing.

Woke up and was like. D: Actually, more D':

and now I'm like :|

BUT, I found out Man vs Wild is back (I thought it was a tuesday today, and I was like "WHAT A TUESDAY, totally ruined the flow of it all!") and then I realized it was Monday.

And I dropped english extension 1, wooooo.

I feel a lot better after watching bear grylls.

And I was just talking to someone who got to shake Bear Grylls' hand at hillsong

2011-11-13T13:44:00.002+11:00

This afternoon is going to be the first time I drive with my parents, after them bargaining with each other about who would drive with me for about... since the beginning of my driving lessons 10 weeks ago, they finally settled on my dad sitting in the front and my mom sitting in the back.

And I'm pretty scared.

I know I'm a capable driver. (Capable in the sense that they're planning on only driving up and down two streets near my house that are parallel when I've driven all the way to Hornsby).

But I also know that I'll probably screw up because I'm scared of messing up.

-

It was fine. I drove the big car.

I felt huge, and like I was going to hit everything, and the steering wheel was so heavy, I feel like such a girl. (But it's okay, because I am one.)

Also, guys, I found another lovely illustrator!

Yes. I finally did my related text paragraph, albeit somewhat badly.

And now it's time to nanowrimo what I can out of the night, I suppose.

2011-11-12T12:57:00.008+11:00

Solution to my annoying "I don't like hair, it's too long laijwewojaieoijaw":-
- cooler weather
- looking at photos of long hair

Sometimes I find long hair gross now.
Which I blame entirely on David, who planted this seed in my head.

I honestly don't remember what it's like to have longer hair, and now I realize that I never actually had legitimately long hair. I used to have long hair envy, but now I only have it a little bit.

I realized. Long hair is like short hair in the fact that it suits some people and doesn't suit others.

Long hair actually doesn't suit some people.

Except I don't think. I think it's easier for a girl to go short than for a guy to have long hair.
I honestly. I honestly don't think I've seen a guy with long hair that I think looks best with long hair. (I thought I was wrong this one time I was watching model-something on channel ten for some reason, until the guy got his hair cut and it was so much better.) I think it's because guys with long hair hide their jawline or something, IDK i dont' think about people's hair that often.

Also, just a side note, there was a period where tumblr was all like "Joseph Gordon-Levitt, swooon", but I couldn't help always realizing, he has really narrow shoulders. So does Tobey Maguire. Not that it's a bad thing, it was just an observation.

Had a dream that I had a pet bunny and wasn't scared. I think I'm not as scared of bunnies now.
I suppose I need a cockroach dream now.

Haha, and I'm reading the tweets under the "ladieswewantanswers" tag.
"Why do yall cut off yall eyebrows just to grow them back? I never understood this..."

"who ever said that boondles (boots+sandles in one) were okay? :/"
I have to agree. They're really quite horrid. Esp because I don't like seeing toes. Ick.

"Why do yall wear shorts, a hoodie and uggs at the SAME time? You don't see dudes rockin a wife beater and snow pants. "

"How can you endure child birth, stilettos,etc but a spider or roach stops you in your tracks?"

"why do ya'll always insist on going to the bathroom together? Whats really goin on in there? Lol"

-

And I was just thinking about how yesterday, I asked Tim if he was friends with his brother.
And I forgot what his answer was, but I think I asked him if he liked his brother, and he said not really.
And I asked him why, and LOL I TOTALLY FORGOT WHAT HE SAID because I'm a really bad listener, but I do remember being like. "YAY, I'm not the only one on this earth!"

Don't get me wrong.
And she's relatively nice to me in comparison to the niceness I am to her (which is not very)
I suppose we get along most of the time now...
But. If we met each other as non-sisters, I think we wouldn't like each other.

Yeah, idk, I feel pretty slack about writing this section of my post.

But really. People seem so sister-lovey, and I just don't feel it.
My sister and I get along, and we're alright. But I don't feel a deep affinity of yayness or anything.
I would say I'm a lot closer to my mom than my sister, even though we're getting closer I guess.

Although if I had to be stuck on an island with someone. I think I'd choose my sister.
I would say I'm most myself around my sister.
(edit: assuming bear grylls isn't a choice, of course)

Which is probably why I'm so slack to her lol.
Actually, not lol, that's not funny, it's kind of sad.

And my sister is really small it's kind of cute.
Yes. SHE HAS REALLY NARROW SHOULDERS and it's very cute on her, unlike on JGL and the other guy I forgot.

I felt compelled to even out the mean-ness of this paragraph/section.

2011-11-11T19:30:00.002+11:00

So after half missing 11am and then re-doing it, I hear the top class be noisy about seven seconds before 11-11-11-11-11-11-11-11-11 (idk how many 11's I needed, cbb counting.)

And then I'm like "Guys, it's 11-11-11-11!!!!!"
And then Vincent turns around and gives me a "really Renee?" look.

So I say, "Guys, it's 11-11-11-11-11!!!!!" again lol
And then George turn around and is like "... okay"

And then I realized I hadn't thought about what to wish about (I always make reasonably happenable wishes because well. I make wishes to partake in cultural phenomenoms, not because I want to make wishes haha, TODAY Rebecca told me she wishes to fly every time lol)

ANYWAY, so whislt Nancy screenshotted an 11-11-11-11-11-11 picture on my netbook.

I was like "uh, uh, uh, can't think of a wish, uh, I wish to live a happy, happy life."

And then I kept racking my brain for a better/more specific wish, and then it ticked over.

I don't think I'll ever make another wish ever again, because I just wished for every wish I think I'll ever wish for. I think making wishes at 11-11's and at typical wishy moments makes me feel normal.

AND THEN, about ten minutes after that, Grace is like "OH NOES, I MISSED 11-11-11-11" (at first I was like "WHAT, I SAID IT SO LOUD" and then I realized she was out of the room at that point)
to which ANAHITA said, "OH NOES, I MISSED 11-11-11-11" (I should seirously stop direct quoting these) to which I realized. She was sitting next to Nancy who was sitting next to me. Yeah, idk, must've been enthralled in maths.

And then it was a nice day after that.

Society and culture was kind of nice, maths after that was good (tbh, don't even remember lol), soul purpsoe was good (legit good! because I actually rememebered what happened as opposed to s&c and maths), english was good (friday englishes are always good! ALWAYS), economics was good (textbooks, yay!), m60 was good (showing off textbook to Tim), sleeping on the bus was good, and I found my calculator in my dad's car.

Okay. I have now. Perfected the art of bus sleeping.
Or rather, I really have no shame in bus sleeping anymore, idk if that's a good thing or not.
And I realized, it's mostly the same people on the bus (about 2/3 of the people are regularly on the bus), so they've all seen me anyway.

People always sleep on windows and leave hair mark which drives me really annoys me.
So now I just sleep as if I was a short person by sitting in a spot with more leg room, or on the head-rest spot. It's nice, sleeping on the m60 where it's got really cold air conditioning, but you're slightly warmed by the bus is a really, really enjoyable lovely feeling.

And now I shall get changed before going to youth group.

And my sister contacted my economics textbook perfectly for me :D

And it doesn't smell nice. Ick.

3 words I feel protective of

2011-11-10T21:59:00.003+11:00

Lovely, magical and ridiculous.

3 words I don't like used to describe people.
Weird, random, mutt

3 nice names starting with n
Nathan, Nick, Nat

3 body parts I don't like
TOES, upper thighs, lips. (Just because lips are so... under taken care of)

3 foods I don't like
Spicy things (even sweet chilli, I don't understand how that stuff can be sweet), mushrooms,

3 clothing dislikes
THONGS (or flip flops, whatever you call them) - I think they're fine if people wear them out to the shops to get milk or whatever, but when people have so obviously coordinated an outfit and wear thongs. Seriously, why do you bother then? Bad shoe choices in general - like OXFORDS and FLORAL SHOES, they can look nice, but often, people just don't think it out and they look a bit ridiculous. Um, three... guys with singlets with big arm holes. Yuck.

3 women I like aside from my mom
Kristina Keneally, I can't think of anymore.

I don't admire many women, tbh.

3 artists I just don't like.
Lady Gaga. Again can't think of three.

Conversely, I have nothing against Katy Perry, Britney Spears or Nicki M-something
Idk

3 movies I cried in
Terabithia, Tangled, TS3 kiiiind of (I didn't really, and I told tim I didn't, but I want to keep the T theme going.) Not Titanic :(

One more gripe.
When people have really high heels that make their legs look spectacular and then walk like an elephant. Totally defeats the purpose.

ALSO LOL, I went on youtube on IE, because I didn't want to make an account with my blog google account, but then if I had two going on one browser, things get hectic.

So I went onto IE. And I got.
"Your browser is no longer supported.
Please upgrade to a modern browser."

Here's a nice song to make up for me using IE.

2011-11-09T17:41:00.002+11:00

My last driving lesson for a while.

Today one middle aged lady almost crashed with me because she tried to run a red light probably because I was so ambivalent, I guess., and one middle aged lady was really nice to me.

And I beeped someone for the first time. Kind of, my instructor did it, idk if that counted.

Today walking was really, really bad.
And for some stupid reason I walked home, and when I got home I felt like I couldn't breathe.
And now I think I'll finally believe my mom when she tells me I'm really unfit. (I thought, "how can I be unfit more than the average sedentary person?") Idk.

I feel like.
Angry and unhappy at the moment.
Legit angry.

That makes me feel like doing work (which I never do, when people are like "Renee, with nano, how do you have time for work?" I'm like "lol, what work, I never do work." Plus, I'm moderately fast with nano).

Time to capitalize on unscheduled emotions and do legal and maybe even maths, which I really resent atm.

And, am I the only one who doesn't like the original of into the ocean?

ugh, I hate knowing I'm eating into my nanowrimo buffer :(

2011-11-08T17:10:00.003+11:00

Today. Hahahaha, I've told this story about three times now, I believe.

On the bus, one of thsoe year ten boys with that artificial fancy-standy hair sat in front of me on the bus, and when I was sitting down, it brushed on the soft part of my arm, and his hair was so soft and tickly, it was like BABY HAIR. Yeah. It was really pleasant and gross at the same time.

And THIS, hahahaha, the boy in the red pajamas. And all the people in the comments of mamamia where I saw it were like "this is very mean", but I still found it hilarious because I'm awful, and I think. The only kids who should've been allowed to trick or treat were the last two who didn't get upset about it, I don't know, I hate the idea of little kids going to trick or treat, like why? Why? Why? It's stupid and fosters for well, everything parents teach against.

And my dad's been having this lawn mower obsession lately, he has this thing about building them in the way people build computers, and he keeps showing me these photos of people with REALLY BIG lawn mower collections. It's disturbing.

And I saw a survey on Jess D's tumblr I want to do, but so many questions, so I just took the ones she did in the most recent lot.

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?
Okay, so if I quickly thought of it, I would say yes, but I think of all the eighteen year olds I know and. Probs not. I don't think I want to date anyone at the age I am now, actually.

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?
When I am aggravated, I am generally upset.
I'm imagining aggravating to be when something says something that upsets me and I'm defensive. So um. I honestly don't think I've been both. I feel upset just thinking about this now.

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?
I highly doubt this lol.

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?
Pajamas.

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?
I'm not super social, but I wouldn't say I'm anti-social.
I don't. I don't desire to have lots of friends, but I don't think that makes me anti-social.

17. When was the last time you cried?
Oh. Hm. Sunday. But you must understand that I cry when I'm angry/aggravated more than when I'm sad.

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?
I'm fine now, but maybe a lighter brown? I don't know.

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?
No. Don't even know who the last person I talked to was, but no.

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?
K-mart. It's one of those. Single color men's shirts. But it's pink.
Constantly ambivalent about how I feel when I see men wearing pink, haha.

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?
Um, no.

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?
16.8+5 = 21.8?
Oh my gosh, when did I get so old.

Most likely not, but who knows.

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?
No, HAHA, all of Jess D's answers are so witty, I almost start to think "wait, is she for real?"

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?
I was listening to Seeing Stars earlier, does that count?

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?
I used to a lot more than I do now. There's nothing worth replaying nowadays, lol.
Sadly, this is actually true.
Or maybe I've grown up.

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?
Yeah, just going to put it out there, remember super grudge I was talking about. She's actually pretty nice.

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?
Yes... and my whole IST class.
But I think they all don't remember.

61. How’s your heart?
Sometimes it hurts. Literally. When I sleep on my chest. Which I obviously don't do anymore because of that :(

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?
I think I would be scared. But I think that would denote of me not knowing them. IDK, people crying scares me to this day, even my sister. (Except I usually feel guilt more than scared when my sister cries because it's usually perpetuated by me.)
Unless they cried all the time. Then I think I would be disturbed or annoyed or worried or anxious.
Unless it was like, compassionate feeling sorry for people crying.
Um. Then I don't think I deserve to be with someone like that.
And I can't decide if the last one would be disturbing or not.
Obviously, I don't know.

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?
Yeah. Myself.
Otherwise no, not fully.
I'm not sure I've ever seen anyone answer no for this question.

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
Ehh, no.
Unless Jesus counts.

79. Currently wanting to see anyone?
Sometimes I miss my family friends and people from when I was young.
But not atm, doesn't this question just force you to feel nostalgic and miss-people-y?

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?
Why would I open the door at 3am if no one’s there?
LOL let's just keep Jess D's answer

97. Who do you have texts from?
Ooh, I recently factory reset my phone.
I think it's like. My dad and ophelia and my sister.

101. Ever kissed under fireworks?
No, and if anyone ever tried to kiss me under fireworks, I would be very angry and sad at them.

And I drew a really good picture of Nick in economics (until I ruined it) for my "things starting with n" collage of items.

2011-11-07T19:37:00.003+11:00

Today, I sat down and got all my maths out, and then I started doing one question, and I realized how tired I was, so I slept... all the way till dinner. My first nap in four days, actually, it would've been nice if it hadn't gotten that hot, and I'd woken up feeling gross. Yeah. I remember my dreams more in summer, and unfortunately, they're always intensely weird.

Also, my sister's cbus remote stopped working.
This it the biggest first world problem, I swear, it's so sad.

And today I talked to Nick for the first time! Yay! One more person off my "talking to new people who aren't even that new anymore list".

Ehhh, the sleep has thrown me off, and I'm just going to push maths off the list, as awful as that is.

-using nanowrimo buffer I built up already fail-

and today on the train, when I was walking down the stairs of the top carraige to the middle part to get off at my stop, someone from the lower part sneeze really really loudly in a really manly way, and then there were these two guys standing by the door, and because there was no one in the bottom stairs part they looked at me. So I smiled in what was hopefully a "not my sneeze, idk tbh" way and then they both turned away with "what on earth" on their faces at the same time.

November.

2011-11-06T21:29:00.003+11:00

Ignore if you don't enjoy easy-listening, this selection is... somewhat slow too.
BUT LOVELY.
It's all really lovely, I weeded out annoying things.
There's actually a lot of more upbeat stuff I like too, but I can't have it in one lot or I'll die of too much intensity.

Kurt Vile - "The Creature"

Balue - "Australian Summer" - ambivalent about this one, I'm not a fan of... this type of voice? I'll put it here just because of the name lol.

Andrea Bocelli - "Bianco Natale" - almost makes me want to dig out my flute, I really like this guy, and I'm pretty sure he won't pull a Charlotte Church on me.

Veronica Falls - "Bad Feeling" - I like the song but abhor the styling in the video.

The Beets - "Friends of Friends" - I don't actually like this song. I just listen to stuff like this when I get dressed so I do it faster.

Sandro Perri - "Circles" This is really good, ahhhhh. I think the guy is from Toronto.

Vadoinmessica - "In Spain" SO GOOD. I think this should be a default comment for all these songs. I will listen to this song if my Eurovision honeymoon is in Spain. (lol, I bet it'll never happen and they'll cancel eurovision forever or something).

Professor Pez - "Looking at the Stars" - please explain why this has only 76 views.

The Easybeats - "Friday on my Mind" - oh, btw, they're Australian... kind of, they're like second generation european immigrants, I think but this was the 60's

CBB linking anymore because links don't get clicked on blogs lol.
And that's way enough music listening for me for today, haha.

and @William, I'm rejecting this thing you apparently recommended to say what high school I went to because I don't want my school on my facebook.

Yeah, I finally got the guts to reject that and reject a few faux family things today.

2011-11-06T19:13:00.002+11:00

Ngaw, msn keeps hiding on the inside of my tool bar where I have to press the little arrow to see it, how cute.

Okay, so today someone told my sister I was fat.

And the thing that really annoyed me, because:-
a - the person who said this was an ADULT who barely knew me
b - it wasn't even said as concern, it was said as "I'm just going to offhandedly say this because you'll tell her". Which she did lol.

But why? Why do people have to do this?
Why do people feel the need to comment on other people's bodies?

When people are like "I don't care what other people think, I love my body" or wear short skirts or shorts even though they have prominent cellulite or don't wear pants out like Christina Aguilera (okay, not the last one, people should always wear something in public unless they're swimming), I kind of think "power to you" (derived from Vodafone advert), because, really. Power to you for being so comfortable with yourself. Except I'm not like that. Did not appreciate that comment, it was kind of snarky, and why? Just why?

Also. I'm disappointed, I always thought that you could motorcycle with a car license. Secretly wanted to experience motorcycle-d ness, because my dad always told me about it.

Main gripes of internet speak atm.
"Sah" replacing the word "so". I think it makes a statement containing this word automatically sound stupid and insincere, and I think of "sand" (because um, cantonese, yes.)
"harhar" - this one has died down, thank goodness. I blame Milly for bringing it out, but then again, I never thought she used it inappropiately. It connotates to a sarcastic, dry laugh, but then people started to use it for legit laugh and it was confusing. (If you use this one, just think - what are your intentions? Why does a normal "haha" not suffice?)
Internet stutter. I was a repeat offender until I saw someone else doing it and I realized, "you look like a fool, Renee, a fool with a fake stutter."
"mirin" - this one is just personal dislike
Oh, another thing that really annoyed me was use of "O" instead of "0" as a zero. (As in "2O11") And also, the use of k in years (As in 2k11 for 2011).
And fake facebook families bla bla bla, fake relationships on facebook, fake names on facebook (like the people who add extra e's annoy me ESP, because I have way too many of them and can't get rid of them.)

Fortunately, that's all I can think of at the moment.

Frt
^What is that even, I must've accidentally keyboard-leaned or something.

2011-11-05T14:49:00.004+11:00

So last year, this thing happened during nanowrimo, where I saved my book on a usb to transfer to writing on my netbook, except then I lost it. And didn't refind it until midway through December.

And after two days of emailing, I got a bit annoyed, and thought "my usb is sitting right there, I might as well use it".

Same thing has happened. I don't even think I lost it, because I thought I put it down somewhere, and then I look again and it's not there. Damnit, I can remember Joshua Lee has 3 sisters, ruby, melody, ebony and that George's sister is Sophie, but my own mind changes my memory of where I put my usb. (Well, my room is really quite horrid atm, so um. Yes.)

That moment where you realize you've been word warring for an hour.
In past years, I've almost exclusively only done 5 minute sprints, but I can't find any threads where people do them anymore. So now I do 10 minutes things and they're so lonnnnnng. And I always remember hitting 200's, 300's and ocassionally 400's, for 5 minute sprints, but I can only hit 300's and very rarely 400's for ten minute things and it's frustrating. EXCEPT, this one time I hit 855, and I don't know if I made a mistake or really did.

Also, I send myself my nanowrimo through email a lot so I don't somehow lose it forever. And I noticed I got this email in my det email.

"Dear NCSS Challenge Participant,

We would like to encourage you to apply for the Google Junior Anita Borg Scholarship. This scholarship, offered for the first time in 2012 aims to encourage aspiring female computer scientists such as yourself to study Information Technology and Computer Science at university. To be eligible for the award, applicants must be female students who have either participated in the NCSS Challenge, attended NCSS, or the Girls' Programming Network, and are starting their first year of a computer science related university degree in 2012."

LOL LOL LOL I found it hilarious, because well. I don't even know.
I'm actually going to enter, just because I'm the only person in the whole school with this opportunity.

And it's just filling forms about passions in IT (LOL, idk what even constitutes as IT tbh, is it everything computers) and I'm in a really write-y mood from nanowrimo.

(NO, I just realized it was for university 2012. After I wrote all these smart insightful responses, ahhhhhh, time to nanowrimo so I don't go crazy from being faux-linguistic)

YOU BETTER DO THIS AGAIN NEXT YEAR NCSS, I saved my responses haha.

2011-11-03T16:39:00.006+11:00

I went on college fashion because I needed an exmaple of a female purse to describe for nanowrimo (I'm hopeless with outfits and whatnot) and saw this. Which are quite similar to my world's comfiest pants. Except that mine aren't quite as cringey as theirs, because mine are more even. Except mine are algae/seaweed green which makes it just as bad. And mine are kind of chiffon on the outside with an underpart on the inside that's kind of satin-y. It sounds worse and worse as I try to describe it.

And no I will never wear them out.

I think I'll update this later, after I hit my 5k and watch how to do induction type 3 online.

OKAY GUYS STOP WEARING MY COMFY PANTS OUT PLS

Anyway um. I always feel guilty posting short posts.

Things that make me feel uncomfortable
- When people joke be mean to me with this weird tone of half seriousness. Like what am I supposed to do, laugh? That kind of thing really annoys me, and I usually just laugh like an idiot.
- When people stand too close to me. This doesn't happen that much anymore. But when it happens, I just keep stepping back. But it's usually short people that do this, I don't even know why, and then I'm just staring at their head thinking "I can smell your breath, please don't hurt me"
- When people don't talk loud enough and I head lean. Because I know I'm intruding personal space which is something I really don't like as well.
- CHINESE WHISPERS. I don't like people talking in close proximity to my ears
- People's faces close to mine in general
- When people talk to someone I'm with and I'm just kind of standing there. Always happens. I sometimes feel like "ugh, why do I try so hard to include people when no one else does that". But then I realize I probably do it too.
- People who swear a lot. Sometimes I watch youtube videos of people talking when I feel like I haven't had enough interaction, and when people keep swearing I just don't want to listen anymore.
- Meeting the principal to get my report. I wasn't nervous at all waiting (I'm very rarely nervous whilst waiting for stuff until I get into the situation, tbh), and when I got in there, I felt like throwing up. But it was fine. (Everyone who was like "yeah, she's nice" were kind of... not telling the truth. Or I have different standards of nice. Idk.) I felt like I was seeing the queen. (Except Isaac harshly noted that the queen didn't wear... okay, too cruel, I don't think I'll post it here.)

Oh my gosh, I'm so. Disturbed.
Today my friends kind of were like "what, how can you not like michelle phan" -lists reasons quite flustered because not used to defending myself lol- "omg, ofc not, all that stuff is lies, lies lies". and they fulfilled all the characteristics that dismays and I find quite distasteful about Michelle Phan fans. And that actually really saddens and disappoints me.

How can you so blindly follow someone like that?
I took everything that people told me about Bear Grylls into consideration, and I accepted many of the flaws that people pointed out to me.

I don't know. I'm just really, really disappointed, but it's okay, I'll watch Sheldon Cooper videos and feel better.

I actually have no idea about what BBT is about, and all I watch is Sheldon Cooper, but sometimes I feel like "wow. he gets me" even though I keep fighting on if I'm like him or not. It's creepy.

I don't know.

I have about .4k to go for today, I believe, and I haven't even done that much today.
If nanowrimo remains like this, it will be a breeze.

2011-11-02T21:44:00.003+11:00

So um. I was not in attendence today.

But, I was actually quite productive.

I hit my word count for today before 2pm, had a driving lesson, and watched two documentaries.

One on Thomas Beatie, and the other on the Westborough church.

Thoughts on Journey of a Pregnant Man.
(Lol, I didn't look this up to watch, I was watching something about people being too skinny that linked to this)
I genuinely think Thomas Beatie is a really likeable guy.
But I've actually always thought he was a pretty likeable guy from the few articles I've read when it was all over everywhere.

The thing I don't understand is why they chose to publicise this.
They also interviewed a midwife that specialized (idk if specialized is the right word), with working with LGBT couples who said there were at least 35 other cases.

And when they were asked, they were like "no, of course we aren't doing this for the profit", but idk. I just think. I mean, I could understand if you were doing this for profit, like the sextuplet family did it I'm guessing, for the profit, it can't be cheap raising six kids at once, but I don't know. I don't understand their motivation for exposing themselves to the whole world.

And today my instructor attempted to converse with me whilst driving, until I tried to hard to think of what "amus" was in cantonese, and then I started to not watch where I was driving. (In my defence, it was pennant hills road with less than usual traffic, so there wasn't that much stop-iness involved).

Yes and the Most Hated Family in America.
I really liked the journalist, Louis.
And it was disturbing.

It was disturbing because, like Louis also highlighted, at first, I was aghast by all the stuff they picketed, the stuff they did, but by the end, it didn't stir me much.

It was also disturbing how much they can misconstrue the bible, but I a large part of it, I don't it's them mis-interpreting the bible (because well, the Amish do in another way also), but it's that the top guy "gramps" (Fred Phelps) is livid about this all, and I don't even think he cares that much about what they believe, I think he just wants to get supporters to hate on certain groups, and he's kind of build this religion up behind it to do so, he is a very angry man, and he also, unlike the rest of his family, didn't answer any of Louis' questions and was like "you're stupid". (And that, is a direct quote.)

I don't think I'm making much sense.

Um. There were other aspects I noticed, but I think it's a bit silly to mention them when people haven't watched the actual thing. I think something quite admirable of them is how strong they are in what they believe, but not only that, but how happy they are doing it. The children below age 8 all kind of don't really get it, but all the teens and young adults are so fully fledged, they're joyful, so happy about what they talk about as they defend their faith, (unlike their parents who just are really angry), and I think. If we're going to do what we believe in, then we should be joyful while we're doing it.

Not that I condone anything they do. It's wrong.

But in a warped way, I can understand how they are led to believe what they believe.

Except the one thing I think that has really skewed their beliefs it, they seem to think that love and hate are opposites, and selectively read of only god's hate on everyone. (Except they also seem to think that the God of mainstream christianity isn't their god, which really really confuses me because they take things from the same bible, IDK maybe I misunderstood that part). Except. I've come to learn that. Love and hate aren't opposite, the reason of this is because opposites can't exist together, you can't be tall AND short, just as you can't be facing forward AND backwards. You can love and hate at the same time, I think the opposite to love and hate is apathy. In that sense. I suppose polar emotions would still be love and hate.

Also had a dream last night that my mom gave me a password journal and that I hugged Bear Grylls. I just looked up his height, he's 183, I think my mind actually got it right.

Nanowrimo is good. I suppose. I'm happy that I'm on track and didn't fall behind, because if I did even with the strike, I would've been so annoyed at myself over it.

I miss bear grylls a lot now that I think of it :( :(

2011-10-31T16:55:00.002+11:00

Me - "I'M SO SCARED, CAN YOU PLEASE DO THIS FOR ME?"
My dad - "you're ridiculous".

So um. I don't even know if it's still in my room, tbh.
But I went and chucked out food stuffs in my room.

And I sprayed a lot of bug spray.

If you didn’t know, this morning, as I was packing my bag to go to school in a rather chipper mood (what a lie, I was in an annoyed mood because my alarm didn’t go off when I turned it on), and then this black cockroach scuttered away and I was did the normal scream-ahh stuff.

Yeah, anyway, today Arjuna speculated that I was the type that seemed totally normal and then turns out to be the crazy killer – which I actually fear sometimes – but I’m comforted by the fact that killing mosquitoes grosses me out. Except that… before I kill it I’m fine, when its insides are stuck on my hand, I start to freak out.

And today I was telling this extremely insightful and important (so important that I forgot what it was, haha) story and then at the end the person was like “um, could you repeat, I got distracted by your strand of hair that was loose.”

And today I had so much trouble listing movies I’ve cried to which was really annoying.
The only things I could think of were – Tangled, Bridge to Teribithia and Deathly Hallows part 2, and for two of these, I wasn’t even in a normal state of mind. (Can’t believe –certain individual- has so many more than me. I’m not sure if he minds that everyone who reads my blog knows. Maybe I’ll take out his name now.)

Yes. Nanowrimo tomorrow and also society excursion tomorrow.

By the way, the world's comfiest pants are the best.
The reason they are the world's comfiest pants is because you feel like you're not wearing pants.

-sigh-
Everyday is a pretty bad day nowadays, tbh.

I don't reminisce much because I don't ever remember what the past is like. E.g. when I'm sick, I can never imagine what it's like being well.

BTW NANOWRIMO GUYS

2011-10-30T21:01:00.002+11:00

You know what.

Guys that say “oh, girls look better without make up” are lying.
In fact, anyone says that is lying. Or deluded.

I think what they actually mean is “girls shouldn’t wear too much make up” or “I think girls still look lovely make up-less” or are terribly mistaken.

I used to be one of those people, who thought people looked better without make up, but then I realized I was quite wrong. I don’t mean that people look not-nice without make up, that’s not what I mean at all. What I mean is people like me (and I’m guessing guys too, but I’m not sure because I’m not a guy) think that people don’t look good without make up because all the people we recognize with wearing make up are actually the people who are wearing too much of it (i.e. “cakeface” – btw, I just looked up difference of i.e. and e.g. to make sure I used i.e. properly.)

WHEN IN FACT, I’m pretty sure a LOT of people wear make up, people like me just don’t realize because it’s done so well and they look, well, like normal people.

And I think knowing how to wear make up is a very valuable skill, in case you ever get a black eye, or for things like SEMI FORMAL so you won’t be like me and freak out and end up going sans everything and look under-lovely compared to other people. Except I’m actually scared of make up because I sweat from my face a lot (gross I know) so I haven’t cultivated any skills in this artistry.

So um yes. What I’m saying is people don’t wear make up to look worse off.
Unfortunately, most people do look better with make up.
(But they’re really fine without it. I suppose it’s like how once you have a phone, you never want to be without one, idk)

And my bedroom is so horrible at the moment, after my hayfever attack and well. I don’t know, I’ve just been throwing stuff around and there’s no space anywhere now and I should really go all clean-y, but I have a feeling I won’t till I have an assignment or something due the next day.

And I took really good care of my tamagotchi, until I accidentally left it home during tuition and it chose that hours or so to evolve and involved into this… highly unattractive adult. (Btw, this is version six music star) – and I swear, there’s always one band member who is unattractive (judging just two generations) and this time it’s my one. Oh, and in one directions too, I find harry styles highly unattractive, but I think that’s only because he looks like the annoying guy I sat next to in year three.

Also, my sister keeps having fiascos where she people try to get her to send them her work and she’s such a pushover, and I don’t even understand how, because she’s always so mean to me.

2011-10-29T17:49:00.003+11:00

I keep walking into my room with the intention of doing induction and maths and stuff, and then walking out after doing something else.

It is now three hours later. Unfortunately, the above still is accurate.

Yes.

Today I did no work despite not having tuition.

Oh, I wanted wall-e because it was on dvd (even though we have it on dvd - what?)
I'm in this incredibly "ngaw, how cute" mood today.

Maybe because they aren't people. I don't ngaw at people because I don't often find couples cute.
(But I find two robots cute, ahh, I don't even know)

Um what else.

Today I acquired the world's comfiest pants.
They're also the world's ugliest pants.

Also lol, in my possession are also. Purple knee-high chuck taylors.
Because someone bought the wrong size and offloaded them on me.
They are truly awful.

Today (besides my lack of induction and math stuff) was a nice day.
(totally discounting the fact that I have mega hayfever from being around dust inducing clothes)

Also what on earth is going on with qantas, I'm so confused.

2011-10-28T17:54:00.002+11:00

@william. I don't know. Well. I think you're under the impression that procreating is the ONLY thing I want to do, which isn't true, I have lots of things I've written in my book that I want to do, but I don't mind if I don't do them as much. Oh, and I like to think that I will have some totally moving and important calling I haven't experienced yet. I'm a very passive person in this sense, I'm the type of person, who upon things not being the way I want, will usually be like "oh well, ceebz getting what I want, this is the new thing I want". Yes. I have lack of real desire to do anything, tbh. OH I KNOW, I secretly want to do ballet. But cbb hahahha.

Plus, there's not really anyone that traditionalist anymore! So soon it won't even be considered traditionalist (and what, just ancient? Idk). Case in point, no one in my society and culture class is yay about having kids (and they're all female) so yes.

Oh yes, I forgot to mention that I can't really control what I want to do, as paradoxical as that sounds.

Also, I tried to explain to my mom what "cheesy" meant, and then as soon as I finished, she said "Renee, you're so cheesy! Everything you do is cheesy!" and now idk if I explained it wrong or I really am.

The more Jedward things I watch, the more hilarious I find them to be. Except I imagine they would be really annoying in real life.

2011-10-27T19:32:00.005+11:00

Eck. I don't know what to write about today, so um, I suppose I'll just choose question from a blog survey :)

edit:// TOTALLY FORGOT - Alysha explained the mistletoe video to me.
the blonde girl isn't trying to intefere or anything, she's supposed to be justin's friend who's asking him for help on the guy she likes, but the brunette girl doesn't know this and gets a bit sad. (but we find out the same time the brunette girl does when she pats justin and is with this other guy, except I never picked that up because I'm noob.)

It's ridiculously long, idk if I'll get through it all, I applaud you if you read through it all.

This is even longer than I thought.
Doing surveys are somewhat of a weak carthasis.

What is your name?
Renee

How old are you?
Sixteen

How old do you look?
I think sixteen. But well. I’ve had people ask me what I’m studying thinking I’m in uni, and I’ve my mom told me people have asked her what I do as in a job, but I think that’s just because I’m tall. I don’t know anymore

But how old do you feel?
Sixteen. Really!

And how old do you wish you were?
I wish I was married and had kids.
I know that’s a sad thing to wish for.
And I also think it’s a silly age to wish for, because by then I’ll wish I lived more now. One of the things I really like about my mom is that she seems to love being her whatever age she is and whatever she’s doing. I envy the stories she tells me about when she was younger.

And she always ends them with “but um, you shouldn’t do that.” Or “don’t lie to me like I lied to my parents”

How tall are you?
I am 173. Lol, I’m probably a teeeeensy bit less than this, but well, no one sees me when I’m not wearing shoes, so it’s okay.

How much do you weigh?
I believe I’m currently the heaviest in my family.
I’m also the tallest, so maybe it’s okay

Are you happy with your body?
Not really. But I’m not unhappy either.
I don’t think about it that much.
Also. Your body looks a lot bigger when you look at yourself to when you look at yourself in the mirror, which is probably why people end up so skinny.

What colour are your eyes?
Chris Gong seems to like comparing eye colors, and apparently mine are comparitively lighter than most asians, then I go home and look at them. Nope, they’re still an Asian dark brown.

What is your heritage?
My parents are from Hong Kong.
This is exactly what I say whenever someone asks me.
Are you proud of where you come from?
Okay, so the other day Michelle H was talking about heritage, and the yue-yue thing, and how people we ashamed of China’s morality and she was like “people shouldn’t always be ashamed of China, they should be proud of china, and take pride in their heritage instead of being ashamed” (I don’t think she meant you know, the morality thing, I think she meant in general)

And I said that people from Hong Kong like to differentiate themselves.
And I realized I’m one of these people.

I always thought it was because I hated people thinking I spoke mandarin. Which is partly true.

But my parents fleed (lol sounds so drastic, immigrated) from Hong Kong because they didn’t want to be under China. So well, I’m not wholely proud of the things they didn’t want to be part of.

BUT that’s China. Idk. I wouldn’t want to live in Hong Kong. People are really rushed and not rude, but disinterested and the only good thing is that I can see over everyone because they’re short.
So the answer is IDK really, but I don’t be all angsty like Skrzynecki.

If you could belong to any other race, which would it be?
I think like everyone who went to a predominantly anglo school at one point, I think I wanted to be white at one point, but when I was in year four, I met this girl who was german, who was so proud of it that I stopped being resentful of having a dual background. And later I grew to resent that I ever wanted to be another race. Yes. But tbh, I don’t think much about race anymore.

Describe your personal style.
Non existent, I try to wear things that aren’t opposite of flattering and are comfortable

What do you consider your best physical features?
Being tall

And your worst physical features?
Also being tall

Do you believe in God?
Yes. And I can’t deny that I do.
Even if I renounced my faith, I can’t deny that God exists.

Mass murderers: evil or ill?
A lot of the time in the morning, I realize. How easy it would be to kill someone.
(Context, this is because people are annoying and stand REALLY close to the edge of the platform so they can get on the train first or something and it’s quite narrow at parts of my station and seriously, how easily someone could accidentally push someone onto the tracks.)

Yes. I think it can be both. Wait. Depends what mass is.
I don’t know, ahhhh.

Do you believe that everyone is intrinsically good?
No. I believe the opposite.
I believe that everyone is intrinsically bad.
I even searched up intrinsically for this.
And I don’t think it’s pessimistic to think so.
I think it makes me a realist.

Is it nature or nurture that has the most effect on a person?
We did a lot of this in society and culture.
I’m going to say I think both play a part, but I would say more nurture, solely because I truly believe most of the people at our school aren’t naturally smart to the point that they could push our school to rank this high, I think it’s because nurture more. (Fail sentence.)

On the size zero debate?
I’m not sure what the debate is.
But I used to be like “what, people can be size zero? I’m a size ten or something”
And then I realized it was America, and I think it’s a four here.
Which isn’t that small I guess. (IN COMPARISON TO WHAT I THOUGHT BEFORE)

Do you read the newspapers?
Yes. I’m two newspapers behind atm, it’s pitiful. And well. We buy newspapers twice a week. So I’m about 2/3 of a week behind, if you’re wondering.

My dad is always like “Renee, you have to read the news, or it becomes the olds!”
(In cantonese)

Do you think the world will be a good place for future genreations?
It’s the only place.

What is your favourite physical feeling?
That moment of getting into bed and sleeping.

Your favourite emotional feeling?
I don’t know how to answer this.
Each one is different.

Your favourite childhood memory?
More are starting to come back to me.
But. Hmmmm. Nah, it’s embarassing, but I find evidence of it every now and then and I :’) just a little. Ngaw.

What is your favourite song?
Used to be Stranger – Lord Huron
IDK ANYMORE I almost want to say mistletoe justin bieber but only because it’s happy song of the moment, I don’t like it anymore than anything else on my tumblr

Your favourite band?
No band loyalty whatsoever

Your favourite musical genre?
Easy listening. Or something. Idk.

Your favourite season?
Christmas. But last year was so un-christmasy it was sad.

What is your favourite place to be?
In bed. I just like snuggling. I guess.

Favourite smell?
New train smell.
Car air conditioning smell.
New anything smell
Sometimes people smell good, but more often than not it’s not them, it’s their fresh laundry.

What is your favourite food?
Potato things. Potato potato potato forever

Your favourite drink?
Water. If that doesn’t count, pepsi max or something.

About your family?
They tell the truth.
All the time. Ever since my dad jokingly said “family always tell each other the truth”, my sister, mom and well, my dad too have used this phrase to say slack things that are unfortunately true.

What makes you weak?
I’m just going to throw this out there and say when I’m menstruating.
Um. Which I am not atm.

What makes you strong?
Listening to powerful music. I think I shall stop listening to mistletoe now and pull out some examples!
(A lot of this is eurovision, I don’t get much exposure to non breezy-calm music otherwise)
No one – Maja Keuc (the background music at the end is CRAZY, if I ever have to attack someone, I hope this is playing in the background)
The eldrine thing
And actually, I Can by the eurovision group

What are your character strengths?
Some people seem to be under the impression that I’m calm – which isn’t true at all – I get very flustered very easily and it’s quite embarassing.
I suppose what they mean is that I’m relatively level-headed. I think.

But personally, I think my character strength is not stressing.
I fear the day I do.
Oh, and this isn’t memory, but I seem to remember things about people that they don’t remember telling me.

Your character flaws?
I get annoyed very easily.
I also get angry really easily.
And I hold grudges REALLY BADLY. Not even joking. Said example, there was this girl who drove me crazy in year 7 science who is actually really nice who I didn’t get over not liking until this year (she’s actually really lovely, she’s just prac-obsessive). And well. I think this is something that will be really hard for me to change, so I’m focussing on not grudging in the first place.
Many more.

What do you want to do in the future?
GET MARRIED, PROCREATE

What are your idiosyncracies?
I looked this up. “A mode of behavior or way of thought peculiar to an individual”
Ugh. There are quite a few.

I’ll start with this afternoon, I sat on the bus next to a boy named Joseph in year ten, and I was telling him about how I didn’t like people sleeping with their head rested on their arm rested on the seat my back is on (because Isaac was doing that lol), because if the bus stopped suddenly, they could charge into my spine and I could be paralysed. And well. Apparently that’s not normal. (We also noticed Isaac changed positions after that, idk if he heard.)

Let’s sum it up by – I worry a lot.
However, people sometimes misconstrue this I think, these are things that I simply see could happen that I find illogical that no one else has noticed, I’m worried about them – but not as much as you think I am.

What do you do for fun?
I don’t have fun.

What is your sense of humour like?
I’m not sure I have much of one tbh, but if I understand other people’s jokes, does that mean I do to a certain extent?

Do you have or have you ever had a problem with anxiety?
I constantly, constantly, constantly am so thankful to God that I’m not too scared to leave my house because I really. There are so many things that I’m scared of that I sometimes stop to remember that it’s a miracle I’m not anxiety ridden and too scared to do a lot of normal things.

Do you have any very bad habits?
I sleep late, I suppose.
People always tell me I procrastinate, but I don’t!!! I just get distracted!! I think they’re different, procrastinate is on purpose!

What are your fears?
I have many. But like most people, I actually fear being forever alone.
(I don’t think I could ever live by myself. Cockroaches, ahhh)

What upsets you?
The most trivial things, afterwards I’m always like “Renee, you’re really stupid a lot of the time”

What makes you angry?
People. In various contexts.

What is your worst memory?
I can’t think of one, so I guess that’s a good thing.

Do you believe one can 'snap out of' depressions if they try?
I don’t know.
I’m so torn about this.
This is one of mamamia’s topics that they love to talk about.
I don’t know how I feel about this, I really don’t.

I waver.

Do you want to get married someday?
Yes I do, but I can see myself both being married and not at all.

Do you believe in soulmates?
NO. I think that like. Wait. I’m confused as to what soul mates are.
If it means there’s one special person out there.
No. I think there are multiple compatibles for everyone.

Have you ever been in unrequited love?
I’m not sure what this means.
But I think that at this point.
I’m quite incapable of loving someone who doesn’t love me, as sad as that sounds.
I hope that. When/if I become a parent this changes.

Do you love yourself?
I say this question doing rounds on formspring.
Yes and no.
Cbb elaborating interprete as you will.

Do you love your family?
Yes. I do.

Stupid things I keep doing when I have glasses on

2011-10-25T20:51:00.005+11:00

- Loading ovens with them on -instafog-
- Putting jumpers with tight necks on (nose ouch)
- Clean the bathroom. More specifically the toilet. My glasses have never fallen in, but there have been close calls

Also. I subliminally like Tony Abbott. I don't even know why. Even though I get the feeling he doesn't like people like me. I know various female teachers who seem to really not like him. But. It sounds really stupid, I think I'm bought solely by the fact that he has three daughters. (I don't know any politics at all anymore, because I don't get to watch the news anymore, I am the most clueless person on current affairs these days.) I don't know. I don't understand my subliminal thinking at all.

Oh gosh. And today. Recently I've seen people who don't know how to resize photogrpahs in ratio.
I am disturbed.

Also, it is mean that I feel like they don't deserve the north west rail link? No, it's not, it's more selfish.

Also, I JUST WATCHED A SNUGGIE COMMERCIAL. I ALWAYS thought they were like a poncho, but they're actually pretty much a back to front dressing gown. Then you're back will be cold...

Watching Maja Keuc's interview, she seems very lovely.
And woah, she's like three years older than me, but she seems so much older.

I don't know. Maybe I'm just young.
Interestingly, she barely has an accent, I guess, but she keeps needing to ask people for help on what she wants to say in English.

Whole post today of nothingness lol